Super Vet match reports - 2022/23
Erith. Home -Tennis Court Pitch. 14.05.23.
3-0 (Baby, Tom, Scholesy)
Nathan, Matt, Paul G, Finchy, Steve, Tom, Chris, Tonksy, Scholesy, Chef, Doyley, Baby, Tim. (Smudge- non playing sub: knee)
A game not just of two halves ( with Erith threatening little in the second),but two Refs ( Roy taking over to give Tim a quarter on pitch), two unconverted penalties and two misfiring strikers. Two fine first half saves by Nathan diving to his left to push the ball away and then with his foot when it looked a certain goal allowed us to be in control at half time, two ahead following a smart finish from Baby and a stunning strike form Tom. Steve had also gone close with a fine, first time left footed effort from distance that clipped the bar. Also crucial to the score line was Mick’s wayward finishing. Benefitting from Erith’s direct play and a few Tamps errors he had several chances- including at 0-0- to score but hit efforts wide, high and wide again. Chef was to match this profligacy in the second half.
With Mick retreating into goal for the second 45 Erith were much less of an attacking threat. Paul G controlled and directed things at the back and both Finchy and Matt could get forward much more. We enjoyed the bulk of possession using the ball well with Tom and Baby particularly strong in the centre of the park- the former showing no ill effects after his cruise on the ‘Anthem of the Sea’ and his early morning drive back from Southampton. Steve, Tonksy and Chris won plenty of ball, frustrating Erith further. Scholesy made the game safe with a well taken individual effort and Doyley’s fierce volley was brilliantly saved but we should have had more.
With Erith very unhappy with Roy awarding a first penalty Tom played the kick gently to the keeper. Chef took the second penalty- given for an unfortunate handball- but shot straight at Mick. Sadly it wasn’t Chef’s worst miss. He fired wide from Baby’s fine pass and blasted over when the ball fell to him a few yards out. He also did nothing with it when he called for the ball when Tim seemed to have a good headed opportunity. The most amusing moment in the game was Chef falling theatrically in the box when fairly shoulder barged by Aidy.
The Goals: Baby opened the scoring winning the ball on the left and placing a diagonal strike beyond the keeper’s reach. The custodian also had no chance with our second. After yet another poorly taken corner the ball was cleared to Tom advancing towards the box. Taking a touch he looked up and powered a 25 yard pearlier into top bins. Boom! There was also quality in the third. Scholesy won the the ball in the oppo box, shielded it well as he worked a shooting opportunity and then passed it into the net, the ball arrowing inside the post.
What they said: ‘ He used to walk in front of those first motors’. Tim explaining Richard’s enthusiasm for flag waving.
‘It’s Super Vets football – you’ll be fined for that!’ Tim again after Tom’s Rabona pass which, it had to be said, was quite impressive.
‘He went through the back of me.’ Chef on his Timber moment.
‘ She’ll come back with candles and cushions and stuff’. Matt’s despair about the missus’ trip to Bluewater. ‘That’s why he’s so angry when he plays’.
Played 32. Won 16. Lost 10. Drawn 6 (3 of which should have been wins! Ref!Ref! Ref!) For 78. Against 57.
Mike 14. Paul D 12. Finchy 7. Baby 6. Chris 5. Paul T 5. Doyley 5. Podge 4. Scholesy 3. Taj 3. Tom, Graham, Steve, Chef, Own Goals 2 each. Jon, Lee, Jack, Erith Mick – 1 each.
here to edit.
Avery Hill Home - The Quaggy 07.05.23.
The Coronation Match.
1 - 2 (Baby)
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Paul G, Finchy, Dave, Paul T, Chris, Chef, Mike, Mick, Smudge, Tonksy, Doyley. ( Tim: Ref.)
The Game: An unusual game- both defences on top but Dan having to do more in the Avery Hill goal- and we lose when the oppo didn’t have a shot on target from open play! 0-0 at half time The Hill’s first came from a penalty after a decent ball over the top freed Parr to run in on Tony who brought him down injuring his ankle in the process. Finchy had to deputise between the sticks. The second came from an innocuous cross when he thought Paul G would clear the ball and he realised too late that it had been left to creep in at the far post. Baby’s superb strike came as we dominated attacking play – despite a series of injuries-but too late for us to be able to push for what would have been a deserved equaliser.
It was good having both Baby back from injury and Paul G back following his ninth retirement from Saturday football. Top goal scorer Mike was back up front with Erith Mick his strike partner. Surely a deadly strike force? The game’s first big chance fell to Finchy from a corner. Unfortunately it wasn’t for a header and from 7 yards out he skied the opportunity. Our game faltered somewhat when Doyley replaced Chef on the left- the former’s absence for several weeks showed although one of his touches presented Avery Grant with a good opportunity. The midfield contest was competitive with Josh causing problems on our right and Lambert excellent for the Hill. Paul T, ( who put in a significant full game shift) Chris, Dave, Tonksy and Chef back in central midfield in the second half all worked hard to keep us in the game, developing our play and ignoring Roy’s frenetic shouting from the touchline.
Whilst we could see Avery’s goals as unfortunate in the first case and very fortunate in the second we were a match for the oppo in most areas. Matt defended strongly throughout and was able to get forward regularly. His stubbed shot brought smiles whilst a well struck ball across goal caused alarms in the opposition defence. Doyley standing at the far post admired the effort rather than pouncing to steer the ball home. When he did have a chance he put it well over the bar with Dan out of his goal.His best contribution was to cause Mad Dave to bounce off him and collapse to the ground. Mick created our best chance minutes after he felt he should have had a penalty. He turned the defender and created space on the left of goal but placed his shot narrowly wide. Injuries brought Smudge on in the challenging position of left back. Doyley up front for Mike with Paul T up front for Mick with Chris returning to midfield. Avery Hill were rocking when the final whistle went, very relieved to be the victors in a tight game.
The Goal: Baby smashed in a right foot volley from just inside the box after a corner from the right wasn’t properly cleared. His celebratory grin showed delight in the power and unexpected accuracy of his standing foot strike.
In the Bar: Baby and Mick shared their mutual views on the need for strongly aggressive parenting of teenage girls. They also agreed that ‘Paris was a shithole.’ ‘ He smashed through the back of me!’ Mick is clear he should have had a penalty. ‘ Where’s the other little rat? Is it dead?’ Baby was not referring to Tonksy who at the point returning from the bar rejoined the group. Concern had earlier been expressed about Matt’s Ian Huntley WhatsApp post.
Played 31. Won 15. Lost 10. Drawn 6. For 75. Against 57.
Inter Viagra Home - Tennis Court Pitch 30.04.23.
2-0. ( Podge, Lee.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Tom, Finchy, Dave, Chris, Smudge, Podge Steve A, Chef, Lee, Scholesy, Paul T.
The Game: A 15th win of the Season and a fifth clean sheet. Tom in the centre of defence and Tony, sharp between the sticks, were the two most prominent factors behind the victory but it was good work by all that allowed us to overcome a decent ( and appropriately behaved ) Inter side. 0-0 at half time but both teams had failed to take excellent opportunities. For us Dave just failed to connect at the far post after a fine cross from Steve whilst Chef shot straight at the keeper and then put too much on his lob that flew over the unguarded goal. Inter seemed certain to score on at least two occasions: firstly their striker burst through after we’d ceded possession with a poor pass but Tony comfortably gathered his tame effort. Towards the end of the half the ball found Kevin cutting in on our left and unmarked close to goal. His shot evaded Tony but hit the bar with Tom chasing back clearing the ball. Both midfields had to work hard with Podge, Chris and Smudge, in the second half, all putting in impressive shifts. Steve and Dave on the flanks also did what was required with both getting forward well. Paul T also got his tackles in and played some fine passes after coming on first change and we had decent – if not always decisive and incisive- forward options through Chef, Scholesy and Lee- the latter back after that nasty knee injury at Cudham early in the season. Tom was very well supported at the back with Finchy and Matt as effective as ever and whilst the latter didn’t have the opportunity to put in a trademark crunching tackle he did show maximum commitment breaking up an attack by blocking the ball with his member and testicles. This was effective but painful and the sound alone caused players on both sides to wince and change their posture. Tony made the outstanding save of the game diving to beat away a fierce close range drive and he also did well on a couple of occasions smartly getting to the feet of advancing attackers to smother danger. A late block by Tom was the pick of several vital interventions and the imprint of the ball on his thigh was still apparent late in the day. Smudge coolly dealt with a goalmouth scramble shepherding the ball back to Tony to clear. Young legs and a wise old head- a good combination for the team.
The Goals: A decent move broke the deadlock: Steve A and Lee were involved before Scholesy’s fine reverse pass played Podge in. His finish wasn’t the best and after the keeper had got a hand to it the ball’s passage into the net was assisted by the defender’s desperate and ineffectual lunge. Late on we made the game safe when Chef won the ball high up on our right. He was able to accelerate along the byline and pick out Lee at the near post. His first time finish, brilliantly playing the ball off his standing leg, sent the goalie the wrong way and the carefully imparted backspin caused the ball to curl back inside the upright. Quality!
In the Bar: It was noted that Len Sales touch had helped run the clock down as he diverted the ball onto the cricket square. Roy on the other hand felt duty bound to trap the ball cleanly to ensure play could restart immediately. There was speculation as to how many halves Tonksy would have downed on his long weekend in Blackpool whilst Scholesy’s selfless team focused behaviour getting Dave back onto the pitch in his place and into his right midfield slot was duly noted.
What they said: ‘You we’re doing alright up to that point’. Tom’s response to Tim, in his pre-match chat, saying that Chef would bang in the goals. ‘Ref, there are too many players on the pitch!’ Roy brings play to a halt thinking Dave hadn’t gone off. ‘ The second goal was very subtle. Very clever finish’. Len was as impressed as the rest of us with Lee’s first goal for the Tamps.
Avery Hill Away - at home 23.04.23.
Score: 0-2
Team: Tony, Adam, Tom, Mick, Finchy, Taj, Chris, Tonksy, Jon, Scholesy, Chef, Graham, Smudge. ( Erith Clive: Lino.)
The Game: This was not a St George’s Day feast of football. Neither side played with any consistent fluency although Avery were more of an attacking threat particularly in the first half. As heavy rain started we fell behind in familiar circumstances: a wayward pass into midfield ceded possession and Tony could only watch as a precise lob passed over his head and into the unguarded net. Only a great goal line clearance by Mick, after Tony had slowed the ball’s progress towards the net, kept the score to 1-0 at half time.We had battled well but were facing younger and faster opponents.
We improved in the second period but it was only late in the game that we forced a decent save from stand in custodian Josh, Taj causing him to dive to his right to push the ball away. Mad Dave was forced to concede several free kicks as he couldn’t cope with Chef’s aerial power. Further evidence of our greater attacking threat was also apparent in the unseemly row between an uncharacteristically angry Stuart and his unfairly maligned goalkeeper and in Andy’s rage that we should appeal for a penalty when the ball appeared to hit his outstretched arm. Avery’s decisive second again came from a Tamps error. Graham was free and calling for the ball but another poorly chosen option was intercepted and with midfielders and defenders pushing up Avery players bore down on goal. The ball was squared to Lyndon, Tony having done well to slow down the attack. It seemed an open goal but Tom had surged back – unfortunately the scuffed shot found a way through his legs. Not a quality finish! Chef came close late on bursting into the left side of the box but although his shot beat Josh it only grazed the post on its way behind.
As the final whistle went Avery Hill players knew they’d been in a game – but it hadn’t been much of one.
Moments Major and Minor: Tonksy provided the first opportunity. With 5 players on the far post his corner almost reached the near where Taj’s angled header flew narrowly wide. Tonksy had our best opportunity of the first half -Graham’s perfect cross found him at the far post with the goal at his mercy. At best we could say he was caught in two minds though there was a thought that he may have just fallen over. Either way he missed the ball completely. Other comedic moments involved Graham’s corner that went straight out of play and his show boating by the corner flag where the defender watched him nudge the ball out of play. ‘’Nobody laugh!’ was Tim’s instruction to those on the touchline.Scholesy put in a shift and almost scored working a shooting opportunity just inside the box but his well struck drive flew narrowly wide. Mick pushing forward also had a powerful shot that was too high.
Post Match: Smudge’s prediction of the Newcastle v Spurs game as an inevitable draw proved somewhat wide of the mark. There was healthy debate regarding who spent more time on the ground : Scholesy or Tonksy.
Belle spoke about Saturday night Roan man smell and as she hadn’t seen the match didn’t have the difficult/impossible task of selecting our Man of the Match.It was agreed that nobody played well throughout but that some decent saves from Tony had kept us in the game. Smudge pointed out : ‘We were playing Avery Hill’. to explain why he hadn’t owned up to his handball as he normally would have done.
Another defeat to our arch rivals but it might have been different if Lee hadn’t been in such commanding form at the back.
Played 28. Won 14. Lost 9. Drawn 6. For 72. Against. 57.
Scorers: Mike 14. Paul Darmoo 12. Finchy 7. Chris 5. Paul T 5. Doyley 5. Baby 4.
Taj 3. Podge 3. Scholesy, Graham, Steve A, Chef, Own Goals – all 2.
Jon, Tom, Mick, Jack – all 1 each.
Oppo: Santos (H) 16th April
Score: 5-0
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy Steve A, Jon,Chris,Podge sr,SD, GG, Chef
Subs: SMUDGER, Mick(Erith)
Scorers: Finchy, Podge sr, Chris, GG, Mick (Erith)
In a word: enjoyable
In sentence: 5-0 and our keeper is MOM!
The fixture earlier in the season centred around their nutty centre forward (Robbo) and his assault on GG, I asked him if he was in a better mood today and he said he’d do his best.
It looks like an easy win but, it was far from it. The game was really open and both teams had chances, Tony made 2 good saves before Finchy headed us in front from GG's excellent cross, Robbo then had a great chance but dragged it wide and then let a loud shout of ‘C#£T’, was this be the start of his behaviour changing? He soon regretted his miss when Chef pulled the ball back for Podge sr to stroke home, our guest Mick from Erith then placed a 3rd into the far corner, Chris rounded off a great 10 mins with another cool finish. Roymond added to his sin-bin number by sending their chippy younger player to the bench, 4-0 at half time and it could easily been 6-3. We had a good h/t talk when numerous clichés were uttered (its 0-0, only takes a second to score a goal, the 4 dog's a bit lively etc...)
The second half continued in much the same vein, chances were made and missed at both end, Tony again made a couple of good saves to keep his clean sheet in tact. Baby then left the field with a recurrence of his hamstring injury, fortunately Erith Mick was able to slot in and his pace was needed when Robbo burst onto a through ball Mick got to him with a last ditch tackle which sent the forward tumbling, Robbo got up, put his shirt over his head and counted to 10, no repeat of his antics earlier in the season. GG scored a well taken 5th after more good work from Chef (he set up 4 of our 5). Finally after much coaxing from the supporters Smudger entered the game for a 10 minute cameo on his 66th birthday, he managed 3 passes all of which found a man in his team (100% I’ve still got it). The final whistle went and a nice 5-0 victory buoyed the team for a few beers to celebrate the win and Smudgers birthday.
Only the 2 Steves didn’t make the bar but, with Mr Rogers, Paul T and Serge joining us the drink flowed. Roll on next Sunday and the fixture against Avery Hill.
Oppo: Bellingham. 09/04/23
Away
Score: 3-2
Scorers: Graham, Tommy, Baby(p)
In a word: Battling
In a sentence: Youngsters are old manned!
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Jon, Chris, Podge sr, Tonksy, SD, GG, Chef Subs: Smudger, Tommy, Stuart (AH)
We knew this was going to be a tough game when we saw the age of the opposition, a Conservative estimation was that they had about 3/4 supervets. The game was very even with both sides moving the ball quickly, our left side was under a lot of pressure as their 30 something midfielder used his pace to put SD and Finchy under a lot of pressure. We went in front when a good move left GG in on goal and he finished well for his belated first of the season. Bellingham drew level with a well taken goal and, then went in front after a mix up with Tony and Chris left Bellingham with a simple tap in. 1-2 at h/t.
We made 3 changes at the interval, Smudger, Tommy (Trialist) and AH Stuart replaced Chris, Tonksy and SD. We started the 2nd half well and were soon passing the ball better and putting the oppo under pressure, despite the age difference our midfield got on top, Podge sr, Tommy and Jon were getting further forward to help the attack and Smudger and Stuart were helping quell the Bellingham attack. Eventually after some excellent corners Tommy scored directly from one even though some suggested it was an OG by their keeper. With GG and Chef linking well up front we were now totally in the ascendancy and fully deserved our 3rd goal after GG was brought down in the box, Baby scored from the spot and we were now 3-2 in front. We saw out the game without too many problems and probably could have got a 4th, all in all a very satisfying win.
As usual there was a good turnout in the bar with Tonksy celebrating his soon to be 60th by getting the drinks in.
What they said: Doing tricks against old men you f#%king c%£t - Podge sr to their speedy player.
How come Mike still hasn't got a jug in for his hat-trick - Chef
I'm glad you won you're a solid team - Their centre forward
Colfes Away - 02.04.23.
2-5. ( Chef, Jack)
Team: Tony, Matt, Podge, Finchy, Jon, Chris, Tonksy, Smudge,Graham, Doyley, Chef, Jack, Mike. ( Tim: Lino)
The Game: If only…..Charlton hadn’t won 6-0 and Finchy had a few less celebratory drinks, the Blackwall Tunnel wasn’t closed, a car hadn’t broken down in the Rotherhithe and Mike had got to the game on time, Chef had showed a little more restraint or Jack had scored one or two headers he’d have easily converted on a Thursday night. Or we hadn’t repeatedly lost possession turning into an opponent!! Grrrr! The turning point though was when we were 2-1 up. Mike was through on goal, the defender stretched, caught his back leg and recognising his foul apologised. The Ref, however, waved play on and Colfes broke down field to equalise. A probable 3-1 was now 2-2. A Matt miskick and a couple of late goals then distorted the score line. It should also be noted that Tony, despite being unable to kick the ball, made several excellent saves.
The Goals: Graham broke down the left beating a couple of players. His cross/shot evaded the keeper and hit the bar, giving Chef, following up, a header into the unguarded net. A very calm finish- though this controlled approach didn’t last! 😉
We took the lead again in the second half. Podge, under pressure deep in defence, was able to surge forward, stroking a through ball but declaring: ‘ Sorry Mike!’ The ball fell perfectly for Jack to run onto leaving defenders trailing and finishing powerfully with a left foot drive across the keeper who, disappointingly, wasn’t wearing his habitual cricket jumper.
Moments Major and Minor: Mike provided exciting updates on his progress on WhatsApp as he eventually found the scenic route south of the river. Chef saw red after he’d been badly fouled by the chippy full back who’d taken exception to Chef’s excellent touchline challenge a few minutes previously. Hacking the player down after the- slightly delayed- whistle for our free kick led to his removal from the game. No action was taken against the Colfes player who should have been sin binned. Natural justice of a sort prevailed when the same player fell heavily in a strong Matt tackle damaging his shoulder and retiring from the game. We did create some good chances but failed to convert them to keep ourselves in contention. Tonksy shot rather optimistically-as usual- rather than finding Jon who was free and well placed. Graham’s free kick was over the wall but straight to the keeper. He’ll surely get his first of the season soon! 😀
What they said: ‘ Doyley-follow your man!’ ‘No! He’s already ahead of me.’ Roy coaching from the touch line: ‘There’s no linesman. Don’t admit to anything!’ Smudge startled his teammates back at the Club emerging from the loo and declaring ‘ I was thinking while I had a quick waz.’
Pace and youth on a dreadful and heavy pitch helped Colfes to victory against opponents they described before the game when they were working out if they’d already played us this season as ‘ Oh,….that old team.’
Inter Viagra. Away fixture - Sam Montagu 26.03.23
3-1. ( Mike (3) )
Team: Finchy, Matt, Baby, Dangerous Dave, Jon, Chris, Smudge, Steve A, Doyley, Taj, Mike, Ish. (Tim- Lino.)
The Game: The tone was set early on. Taj was chopped down from behind, the Ref waved play on, the Inter players chose to follow this and declared nothing had happened- Taj ( and the rest of us) were clearly imagining things. This was to be a game lacking in appropriate spirit and fair play. There was a temporary outbreak of peace and love when Pop came to apologise at half time but when the game resumed the ‘ over competitive’ Inter attitude, though reduced, was still apparent.
It took us longer than it should to make the game safe. The cancellation of Avery Hill’s match at the waterlogged Roan meant we could have more than the bare XI. Dave’s availability allowed Tim to take the flag and Ish, arriving for the second half, allowed Smudge to rest his knee after a strong first half talking to and winning over a wayward Ref. Overall our keepers had little to do. Finchy had to be sharp to palm the ball away after an underpowered header back and Baby in goal for the second half following his earlier injury had to act similarly to punch the ball out of play. Baby seemed to do a hamstring chasing Simon whose shot eluded Finchy’s dive and crept over the line via the far post. The view was that Scholesy wasn’t tracking back, his hamstring only allows him to do so much, and we switched to a back 4. 1-1 after a half that had featured some raging Inter stupidity about ignored fouls and appropriately given offsides and inaccurate passing by the Tamps.
Ish could have scored with his first touch and Mike although he was to complete a hat trick, missed decent chances in both halves. Dave had a great opportunity when surging forward but chose to pass square with the goal at his mercy.Scholesy was declared offside when breaking from his own half and being denied a run at the keeper. The consensus was that Jerry’s raised flag had been merciful, sparing Scholesy from inevitable injury. Another goal mouth scramble after a Tamps corner left Mike with a boot to the head and Simon unable to continue with a dead leg – the latter being to the Tamps advantage. Eventually the goals came and Mike’s third was from a distance greater than two yards and whilst it was a fine strike the unnecessarily vigourous celebration was rightly ignored by his teammates.
The Goals: Two from goalmouth scrambles, Mike appearing from behind the far post to prod in the opener. Matt, (‘He’s found a new aspect to his game’.) was again Mr Assist. Intercepting the ball at half way he advanced and released Mike on the right to smash in his third and at last make the game safe.
What they said: ‘That’s a foul.’ Steve A chops down Pop after he’d got away with another one. This led to several minutes of verbal handbags. ‘ I was just kicking away!’ Chris emerges as a possible suspect for Mike’s head injury. ‘ It was a good decision – until I got told off.’ Matt defends his turn into the attacker rather than a clearing hoof – for which he was mildly chastised by an over anxious Tim. ‘ He doesn’t do hat tricks.’ Tim to Smudge after a Mike miss but seconds before his hat trick goal. ‘ If I wanted to kick you - you’d still be on the ground’. Baby tells it like it is.
‘It’s the first time I’ve played there’. Steve A on his deployment in centre midfield.
Good work by all . Thanks to Ish and Dave, both of whom were excellent and to our supporters Surj and our resting keepers Tony and Roy both of whom would have enjoyed the way we kept the oppo shot count to a minimum. Good turnout back at the Roan too where there was a strong focus on the health benefits of Guinness.
Crofton Home - The Quaggy. 19.03.23.
5-1. ( Paul D, Finchy (2), Doyley, Chef.)
Team: Roy, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Jon, Paul T, Chef, Tonksy, Graham, Paul D, Mike, Doyley, Smudge. (Tim: Ref.)
The Game: A seemingly emphatic score line does not properly reflect the game. 3 goals in the last quarter stemming from some better team and individual play perhaps obscured the fact that this was largely a tight and competitive match. Roy made at least three exceptional saves and Matt’s dramatic goal line clearance also ensured that Crofton didn’t add to their single strike. Until late on we were lacking in decent shape, control, composure and consistent play and as an exasperated Matt exclaimed late in the second half and with the score 2-1- ‘ We keep losing the f**king 50-50s!’ It may have been coincidental but we played our best football after Paul D’s substitution following an unnecessary and angry foul. It could also be that Crofton tired and Dan’s late shoulder injury impaired his play, considerably reducing the oppo’s strength in midfield.
Following Tony’s early morning injury Roy volunteered to go between the sticks and he was an outstanding Man of the Match. His first big save was speeding out to save at the forward’s feet. Soon after he had to save from close in when it seemed Crofton must score. Then in the second half he had to stretch to save another point blank effort and blocked a follow up before Matt’s miraculous goal line clearance.
The Goals: Crofton’s failure to clear the ball from their box effectively was significant. Firstly Paul D opened the scoring after a miscued clearance gave him the opportunity to angle a well placed effort across the keeper. Paul D’s cross from our left after regaining possession following a corner was well flighted and Finchy, making the ball his own, headed home. Another set piece caused Crofton difficulty, the ball falling to Doyley beyond the far post and his half volleyed toe poke smacked the underside of the bar, bouncing down and over the line. Our fourth resulted from another weak clearance from a threatening corner. The ball fell to Matt, advancing towards the box. His shot was on target but Finchy raised a knee to ensure the ball flew past keeper and defenders. Our final goal was perhaps the pick of them. Chef intercepted the ball and laid it off to Graham who found Matt on the right. His well paced pass freed Chef to run into the box and place a powerful shot beyond the keeper’s left hand and high into the net.
Moments Major and Minor: Smudger ensured Tim gave the free kick after he’d unintentionally felled Dan on the edge of the box after Matt had shepherded him away from goal. Roy didn’t require a wall and John- the scorer of Crofton’s early equaliser duly shot straight at him.
Comedy gold came firstly from Finchy who having seen the ball bobble over his foot and into touch moments later fell over as Baby called to pick up the loose ball. Graham added to the mirth with a massively overhit pass intended for Chef to chase and a highly optimistic toe poked shot that would have gone off for a throw if it had the legs.
Tim’s assertive halftime comments to the group after a disappointing first 45 was described by Graham as ‘A Conte style rant.’ There was also a sense that Tim was carrying some frustration after apparently blowing for half time 10 minutes early.
What they Said: ‘He used to cover a 10 metre range; now it’s down to 5.’ Chris reviewing Smudge’s midfield positioning. ‘ It wasn’t a deflection’. Finchy claims considered use of the knee for his second goal. ‘ It was a good goal’. Perhaps a controversial assessment of Doyley’s strike.
Post match: Graham and surprisingly Tonksy are last drinkers so also seeing off the Crofton challenge in the bar. 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 Well done! AND Tonksy on the way to the station was able to admire Kidbrooke Village’s architectural Brutalism.
Played: 24. Won 11. Drawn 6. Lost 7. For 59. Against 47.
Paul D 12. Mike 11. Finchy 6. Paul T 5. Doyley 5. Chris 4. Baby 3. Taj 3. Scholesy 2. Podge 2. Steve A 2. Own Goals 2. Jon 1.Chef 1.
OPPO: Colfes DATE 12/03/2022
SCORE: 2-3
Team: Tony - Matt Podge sr Finchy - John Adam Chris Chef Steve - Paul Doyley
Sub: Smudger
Ref: Roymond
SCORERS: Chris (pen), Steve
In a word: Fiesty
In a sentence: Not a fixture we need to play
From the warm up we could see that Colfes were not a bona fide 'Supervets' outfit, they had a least two players struggling to reach 30 and, a few more not yet 45. The game itself was tetchy to say the least. Colfes players moaned at every decision Roymond gave, they kick or threw the ball away on numerous occasions and to use Podge's summing up ''A bunch of C&%$S''. Colfes took the lead when one
of their younger looking players mishit a cross which drifted over Tony into the net, to be fair they had been the better side up to that point, we were having trouble in midfield where our 5 midfield didn't seem to know who was doing what! The second came from our corner! We pushed to many forward and got caught, Podge was trying to cope with 3 Colfes players and the numbers told 0-2 and a long road back. We then had a good spell which ended with Paul getting a kick from one of the defenders inside the box, this started a mass hounding of Roymond by Colfes players, it ended with one of their players leaving the field in binned. Once things had calmed down Chris putting the penalty with aplomb, Doyley then hit the bar with a shot from outside the box, so 1-2 at h/t. The chat at h/t was mostly about what a horrible bunch the Colfes side were.
We went from a back 3 to a 4 hopefully, this would sort our midfield out. The second half was plodding along nicely we thought, neither side had gained the upper hand and the next goal was going to be really important. And just as Tamps were getting a proper foothold in the game they conceded the young scorer of the 1st goal dribbled to the edge of the box and hit a crossshot that beat Tony into the far corner, That looked like end of game for the Tamps. It looked as if after the first half the second was going to be
incident free suddenly it erupted! Steve accidentally clipped a Colfes forward as they both went for the ball, Smudge gave Tamps the throw (which it was) and the Colfes forward then hurled a tirade of verbals at Steve, there then insued a more than handbags confrontation. Roymond pulled both players
aside and sin binned both for 10 mins. From this point on the last 20 mins was all Tamps, Steve came back from the sin bin and scrored a candidate for goal of the season, having won the ball on the edge of our box he then sprinted to keep the ball in play, did so and, then played a 1-2 with Chef played a pass into Paul D who skinned the defender, and played the ball across the box for Steve to tap in 2-3, a real quality piece of play from Steve. we tried and tried for the equaliser, 2 penalty appeals were turned down,
chances were fluffed and Roymond still had time to sin bin another Colfes player.
At the finish of the game the Colfes manager apologised to Roy for the behaviour of his players.
We had a good few of our players in the bar, Colfes had none (miserable bunch) Most of the chat was about what 'A bunch of C*%TS' they were and the need to cancel them from our fixture list for next season
Seems a good session was had by some of our players (Podge and Adam) who stayed quite a while, good men, the others, Matt, Finchy, Chris, Chef, Roy and Smudger (who left after 2 pints) all had a good time.
Belvedere. Home-Tennis Court Pitch. 05.03.23.
6-3. ( Paul D (2), Doyley, Steve A, Taj, Podge.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Taj, Chris, Podge, Graham, Doyley, Roy, Paul D, Steve A, Dave, Tim.
An apology: Last week’s match report did not include Baby as being one of the players who went back to the pub. We apologise for this unforced error and there was no intention to damage Baby’s reputation. It can also be noted that Baby felt the barmaid was ‘pretty decent eye candy’.
The Game: We scored more goals than in any other game this season. Paul D missed more chances than we scored goals. Roy, in the first half, and Doyley in the second were offside far too often. The oppo scored their goals in the last 5 minutes. Baby’s customary exclamation ( ‘You c**t!’ ) came after 18 minutes and 2 seconds of the game. There were quite a lot of overhit ( Baby) and inaccurate ( most of the rest of us) passes- the pick being Matt’s attempt to get the ball to Steve- it looked as if he was searching for Chris- but it went straight to their centre forward. Finchy’s header hit the post and Graham’s right foot effort also found the woodwork. The half time whistle was blown slightly early to spare Paul D further distres as he was again bearing down on goal.The game was played in excellent spirit and it was agreed that Belvedere will be a good addition to our fixture list, as Baby put it : ‘Nice bunch of lads.’
The Goals: Doyley opened the scoring heading in from close range after Chris had nodded Finchy’s long throw across goal.
Paul D was next on the scoresheet finishing off a decent move firing powerfully and this time accurately after Taj’s excellent ball from the right.
Chris again provided a headed assist for the third returning the clearance for Steve A to run on to and give the advancing keeper no chance with a perfectly measured lob.
Roy was well placed but deferred to Taj’s call, allowing him to head Graham’s up and under back across goal and in; 4-0. Paul’s second showed that he does have a finessed finish in his locker, breaking behind the defence before passing the ball over the keeper and in.
Podge completed the scoring running on to Tim’s first time flicked pass that took out the defender, Podge, not needing to break pace, advancing to clip it past the keeper’s left. Clearly the finest assist by a 66 year old in the glorious history of the Old Tamponians- a status that is likely to be challenged from mid-April.
The Oppo’s goals. Bullet near post header from a well delivered corner. The second given despite Finchy putting the flag up and Chris blowing for the offside. The player who scored clearly came from an onside position and the ‘offside’ player left the ball. In the last seconds a third was smashed in after a mazy run by Carl and a pass that allowed the midfielder to run onto it. Tony had no chance with any of them
What they said: ‘Did you just call him Babe?’ Stephen and Baby’s seeming intimacy startles the oppo centre forward.
‘It could have been double figures if Paul had taken even half his chances’. Tony’s fair comment. Graham’s unfair reply: ‘If you could save some it would have been 6-0!’.
Played 22. Won 10. Drawn 6. Lost 6. For 52. Against 44.
Paul D and Mike 11 each, Paul T 5, Finchy 4, Doyley 4, Baby 3, Chris 3, Taj 3, Scholesy 2,Podge 2, Own Goals 2, Jon and Steve A 1 each.
Lads of the Village. Away - Stone Recreation Ground. 26.02.23.
3-1. ( Doyley (2), Paul D.)
Team: Tony, Dave, Baby, Finchy, Taj, Tonksy, Smudge, Chris, Doyley, Roy, Paul D, Tim. ( On the touchline Mike and Scholesy.)
The Game: ‘Not pretty.’ Chris’ post match assessment is a fair summary. Shocking parking, a poor pitch, hard, uneven and significantly sloped with an icy and strong wind adding to the ambience meant this was a hard game for both sides. That it was played in good spirit by all involved and that the Lads kept going having conceded 3 in the first period to win the second half made it a competitive and enjoyable contest. All Tamps deserve credit – Mike for getting to the ground despite his back spasming en route, Scholesy for his support and running the line and the 12 who played for the effort involved. The elderly midfield, in excess of 300 collective years- with only Doyley yet to see his 60th year, were industrious throughout and quite often effective in developing the play. The back 3 were outstanding. As ever Finchy got to the ball ahead of his man, Baby cut out the long balls and perfected his back heeled passing and Dave, playing his first game for a couple of seasons won his tackles and linked well with Taj on the right. It was good to have the latter’s cries of ‘Look! Look!’ echoing around the pitch again. Up front Roy and Paul D made it hard for the Lads to play out from the back and looked dangerous every now and then. Tony had a strong game punching the ball clear from several corners, getting out quickly to save at the forward’s feet and leaping ( several players believed they saw both his feet off the ground ) to save at the back post. Perhaps surprisingly we didn’t concede a second when Tim replaced the injured Tonksy who had manfully hobbled around with a knee injury. In fact we played out the last 10 minutes with decent control.
The Goals: Chris played a crucial part in the opener bamboozling a couple of defenders with a dummy, step over and a belly sway, getting the ball to Taj, whose cross found Doyley unmarked in front of goal. His first effort was well saved but not held and he was able to tap home. Soon after we were two up. Doyley’s corner was missed by the keeper and the defender could only help it into the net. Rather than record it as an OG the team gave it to Doyley so that his meagre total for the season was trebled. Our third was a cracker and another contender for Goal of the Season. Tonksy (Mr Assist) cut out the ball which fell to Paul D. His first time shot powered past the keeper and in off the far post. A rocket!
Moments Major and Minor: Taj came close with a fine header from Baby’s deep cross. Finchy too had a headed opportunity from a Doyley corner but uncharacteristically put it wide. Doyley almost completed his hat trick in sensational style choosing to shoot from distance with both our strikers well placed. Whilst his effort was on target the keeper got back to save. Chris’ late corner similarly was underhit failing to reach the near post. The overhanging trees on one side provided some amusement as the odd pass, clearance and throw found the branches. Another feature of the game was a lack of bad tackles ( Happy birthday weekend absent Matt!) but a number of clumsy collisions which generally left one of the oppo limping after one or both of their feet had been accidentally stamped on.
What they said: ‘F**king hell!’ Roy makes it very clear that he’d been fouled.
‘Doyley!’ ‘Yes!’ . This was heard twice, Doyley clearly feeling he should let the oppo know where Baby’s pass was heading.
‘Stick it up!’ The Ref makes it clear that he wants Tim, as Lino, to raise his flag before the offside player touched the ball.
‘Stephen! Stephen! ‘ Doyley becomes rather formal when calling for Finchy to pass the ball.
Post Match: Roy, Tony, Tim, Chris and Smudge went back to the pub for some traditional grub including cheese and onion white bread triangle sandwiches, Smudge’s gilet bringing a touch of sartorial elegance and class to the venue.
No it wasn’t pretty but it was a very satisfying win with everybody involved doing well, Doyley cock-a-hoop despite missing out on his hat trick and Chris completely drained having given his all in a highly competitive and determined performance. Very well done all!
Played 21. Won 9. Drawn 6. Lost 6. For 46. Against 44.
Mike 11, Paul D 9, Paul T 5, Finchy 4, Doyley 3, Baby 3, Chris 3, Scholesy 2, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Podge and Jon 1 each.
3-1. ( Doyley (2), Paul D.)
Team: Tony, Dave, Baby, Finchy, Taj, Tonksy, Smudge, Chris, Doyley, Roy, Paul D, Tim. ( On the touchline Mike and Scholesy.)
The Game: ‘Not pretty.’ Chris’ post match assessment is a fair summary. Shocking parking, a poor pitch, hard, uneven and significantly sloped with an icy and strong wind adding to the ambience meant this was a hard game for both sides. That it was played in good spirit by all involved and that the Lads kept going having conceded 3 in the first period to win the second half made it a competitive and enjoyable contest. All Tamps deserve credit – Mike for getting to the ground despite his back spasming en route, Scholesy for his support and running the line and the 12 who played for the effort involved. The elderly midfield, in excess of 300 collective years- with only Doyley yet to see his 60th year, were industrious throughout and quite often effective in developing the play. The back 3 were outstanding. As ever Finchy got to the ball ahead of his man, Baby cut out the long balls and perfected his back heeled passing and Dave, playing his first game for a couple of seasons won his tackles and linked well with Taj on the right. It was good to have the latter’s cries of ‘Look! Look!’ echoing around the pitch again. Up front Roy and Paul D made it hard for the Lads to play out from the back and looked dangerous every now and then. Tony had a strong game punching the ball clear from several corners, getting out quickly to save at the forward’s feet and leaping ( several players believed they saw both his feet off the ground ) to save at the back post. Perhaps surprisingly we didn’t concede a second when Tim replaced the injured Tonksy who had manfully hobbled around with a knee injury. In fact we played out the last 10 minutes with decent control.
The Goals: Chris played a crucial part in the opener bamboozling a couple of defenders with a dummy, step over and a belly sway, getting the ball to Taj, whose cross found Doyley unmarked in front of goal. His first effort was well saved but not held and he was able to tap home. Soon after we were two up. Doyley’s corner was missed by the keeper and the defender could only help it into the net. Rather than record it as an OG the team gave it to Doyley so that his meagre total for the season was trebled. Our third was a cracker and another contender for Goal of the Season. Tonksy (Mr Assist) cut out the ball which fell to Paul D. His first time shot powered past the keeper and in off the far post. A rocket!
Moments Major and Minor: Taj came close with a fine header from Baby’s deep cross. Finchy too had a headed opportunity from a Doyley corner but uncharacteristically put it wide. Doyley almost completed his hat trick in sensational style choosing to shoot from distance with both our strikers well placed. Whilst his effort was on target the keeper got back to save. Chris’ late corner similarly was underhit failing to reach the near post. The overhanging trees on one side provided some amusement as the odd pass, clearance and throw found the branches. Another feature of the game was a lack of bad tackles ( Happy birthday weekend absent Matt!) but a number of clumsy collisions which generally left one of the oppo limping after one or both of their feet had been accidentally stamped on.
What they said: ‘F**king hell!’ Roy makes it very clear that he’d been fouled.
‘Doyley!’ ‘Yes!’ . This was heard twice, Doyley clearly feeling he should let the oppo know where Baby’s pass was heading.
‘Stick it up!’ The Ref makes it clear that he wants Tim, as Lino, to raise his flag before the offside player touched the ball.
‘Stephen! Stephen! ‘ Doyley becomes rather formal when calling for Finchy to pass the ball.
Post Match: Roy, Tony, Tim, Chris and Smudge went back to the pub for some traditional grub including cheese and onion white bread triangle sandwiches, Smudge’s gilet bringing a touch of sartorial elegance and class to the venue.
No it wasn’t pretty but it was a very satisfying win with everybody involved doing well, Doyley cock-a-hoop despite missing out on his hat trick and Chris completely drained having given his all in a highly competitive and determined performance. Very well done all!
Played 21. Won 9. Drawn 6. Lost 6. For 46. Against 44.
Mike 11, Paul D 9, Paul T 5, Finchy 4, Doyley 3, Baby 3, Chris 3, Scholesy 2, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Podge and Jon 1 each.
Ashburnham Arms. Home. Tennis Court Pitch. 12.02.23.
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Tonksy, Chris, Podge, Paul D, Graham, Roy, Scholesy, Smudge, The Squire, Jack. ( Tim: Ref.)
1-2. (Scholesy).
The Game: Good sides find a way to win even if they’re not playing well. The Tamps find a way to lose despite dominating possession and territory.Even with key supporters Del and Belle back on the touchline we couldn’t create much in front of goal. Scholesy had a header cleared off the line during a goalmouth scramble and although the Ash keeper made some smart saves – including from Graham’s shot he was only occasionally called into meaningful action.Tony too had little to do making one excellent second half save at Ian’s feet as he broke unchallenged into the box. Ashburnham didn’t have a single corner which shows the paucity of their attacking play and the strength of our back three.
Both Ash goals were avoidable. The first was direct from a free kick after Tony had handled outside the area. Having scored a cracking equaliser we then conceded a soft winner when too many players converged on Big Baz but didn’t stop his inside flick which found the untracked midfielder whose cool finish gave Tony no chance. There were a lot of misplaced passes but also some strong interplay without regularly creating decent chances.
The Goal: Almost certainly the Goal of the Season. Baby’s long ball cleared the right back perhaps helped by Graham’s mumbled urging: ‘Get over! Get over!’. His first touch was good and his driven pass into the box perfect, Scholesy arriving to volley the ball into the roof of the net with Jack also well placed to finish.
Moments of mirth and modest endeavour: Baby having one of his Mr Angry games almost exploded when Scholesy took the ball away from him as he surged forward. Mr Bump cut his head butting Mr Tall for the second time in two minutes- as he defended yet another Tamp’s long throw from Finchy. The resulting injury and stripping of our first aid kit perhaps changed the game. For the first fifteen minutes of the second half our pressure had been relentless but the 5 minute break in play allowed Ashburnham to regroup.
A key moment in the first half was Baz raising his flag for offside when Roy was unmarked and in a good position. The Ref had no option but to give the free kick even though the Ash defenders were very clear that Baz had got it wrong. One used the word ‘cheat’ about their leader. First half efforts included two decent headers from Roy and Paul Davies’ goal bound shot hitting Scholesy’s back. Paul’s step over dummy was comedy gold- there was no teammate to collect the ball. The Tamp’s quality and understanding 20 games in to the season was exemplified by interplay on the right between Chris, the Squire and Tonksy whose short pass went straight into touch,
What they said: ‘He’s got a watch on!’ Ross rages believing Jack’s timepiece caused Dave’s head injury. Baby’s response was clear that Ross had got it wrong and that he should be quiet and reflective. Violence may have benn intimated. ‘That was the highlight of the game: great Linemanship!’ Smudge expresses admiration for the Squire’s perfect flag raising when the Ash forward reached and played the ball, running on from an offside position. ‘Either of the Podgers.’ Belle is surprisingly indecisive in choosing her Man of the Match. ‘80% possession’.Podge feel we had more than enough to win the game. Yes, indeed.
Played 20. Won 8. Drawn 6. Lost 6. For 43. Against 43.
Mike 11, Paul D 8, Paul T 5, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Chris 3, Scholesy 2, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Doyley, Podge, Jon 1 each.
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Tonksy, Chris, Podge, Paul D, Graham, Roy, Scholesy, Smudge, The Squire, Jack. ( Tim: Ref.)
1-2. (Scholesy).
The Game: Good sides find a way to win even if they’re not playing well. The Tamps find a way to lose despite dominating possession and territory.Even with key supporters Del and Belle back on the touchline we couldn’t create much in front of goal. Scholesy had a header cleared off the line during a goalmouth scramble and although the Ash keeper made some smart saves – including from Graham’s shot he was only occasionally called into meaningful action.Tony too had little to do making one excellent second half save at Ian’s feet as he broke unchallenged into the box. Ashburnham didn’t have a single corner which shows the paucity of their attacking play and the strength of our back three.
Both Ash goals were avoidable. The first was direct from a free kick after Tony had handled outside the area. Having scored a cracking equaliser we then conceded a soft winner when too many players converged on Big Baz but didn’t stop his inside flick which found the untracked midfielder whose cool finish gave Tony no chance. There were a lot of misplaced passes but also some strong interplay without regularly creating decent chances.
The Goal: Almost certainly the Goal of the Season. Baby’s long ball cleared the right back perhaps helped by Graham’s mumbled urging: ‘Get over! Get over!’. His first touch was good and his driven pass into the box perfect, Scholesy arriving to volley the ball into the roof of the net with Jack also well placed to finish.
Moments of mirth and modest endeavour: Baby having one of his Mr Angry games almost exploded when Scholesy took the ball away from him as he surged forward. Mr Bump cut his head butting Mr Tall for the second time in two minutes- as he defended yet another Tamp’s long throw from Finchy. The resulting injury and stripping of our first aid kit perhaps changed the game. For the first fifteen minutes of the second half our pressure had been relentless but the 5 minute break in play allowed Ashburnham to regroup.
A key moment in the first half was Baz raising his flag for offside when Roy was unmarked and in a good position. The Ref had no option but to give the free kick even though the Ash defenders were very clear that Baz had got it wrong. One used the word ‘cheat’ about their leader. First half efforts included two decent headers from Roy and Paul Davies’ goal bound shot hitting Scholesy’s back. Paul’s step over dummy was comedy gold- there was no teammate to collect the ball. The Tamp’s quality and understanding 20 games in to the season was exemplified by interplay on the right between Chris, the Squire and Tonksy whose short pass went straight into touch,
What they said: ‘He’s got a watch on!’ Ross rages believing Jack’s timepiece caused Dave’s head injury. Baby’s response was clear that Ross had got it wrong and that he should be quiet and reflective. Violence may have benn intimated. ‘That was the highlight of the game: great Linemanship!’ Smudge expresses admiration for the Squire’s perfect flag raising when the Ash forward reached and played the ball, running on from an offside position. ‘Either of the Podgers.’ Belle is surprisingly indecisive in choosing her Man of the Match. ‘80% possession’.Podge feel we had more than enough to win the game. Yes, indeed.
Played 20. Won 8. Drawn 6. Lost 6. For 43. Against 43.
Mike 11, Paul D 8, Paul T 5, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Chris 3, Scholesy 2, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Doyley, Podge, Jon 1 each.
Crofton Albion. Away. 05.02.23.
2-1. ( Scholesy, Paul T.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Podge, Baby, Jon, Chef, Paul T, Tonksy, Doyley, Scholesy, Mike, Chris, The Squire, Roy.
The Game: A competitive affair characterised by a lack of finesse and flair with fluffed finishes from both sides. Having pulled one back Crofton, through a succession of long throws and decent corners, applied worrying pressure to the Tamps goal but we stood firm. Tony made some important punched clearances and Chef also headed clear on several occasions. When the ball did fall in the box invariably a Tamps player was there to power it away. We should have been more than one up at half time- it wasn’t Mike’s day in front of goal ( perhaps he was still distracted by a thumping Irish win in Cardiff and an important point for the Hammers at Newcastle). Scholesy was also frustrated with the ever optimistic Doyley who, surging forward, ignored his well placed team mate and, head down, toe poked the ball off for a goal kick. Cries of ‘Doyley!! Doyley!!! DOYLEY!!!!!’ going unheeded. Paul T’s free kick had put us two up and his professional foul on Big Dan as he broke away also drew applause. Big Al’s squealing ability was prominent late on when he was caught by Matt and when The Squire, ever the gentleman, politely trod on his toe pointing this out to the Ref immediately. Overall- despite creating some decent chances- our strengths were with an excellent back 3 with Matt winning the tackles, Podge, making a most welcome return after a couple of months out, reading the game and Baby passing the ball out of play with striking regularity and the inevitable expletives. Tony deserved a clean sheet: quickly off his line to win the ball, diving to his left to push a goal bound shot round the post and punching clear on several occasions.He also, unintentionally, took out their forward, who rebounded forcefully into the post.Our midfield worked hard even if Tonksy,despite his new boots, was swatted away consistently by Big Dan and most midfielders couldn’t kick the ball any distance. In the end it was tight but on the bulk of the play it should have been a more comfortable win.
The Goals: Having waited in vain for Mike to square the ball Scholesy got his chance when after some penalty box chaos Tonksy’s skilful pass, sorry, miss hit shot , gave him the opportunity to fire past the excellent Jamie who had thwarted Mike on several occasions. Scholesy also won the free kick for our second : Paul T’s curving, dipping effort from 30 yards finding top bins- despite Roy and Surj’s estimate that it was going high and wide.
Points of Vague Interest: Having WhatsApped at 3.51 a.m. to say he was still drinking Smudge’s appearance on the touchline was unsurprisingly brief and bilious, his pallor not helped by a painful, slept on shoulder and a light green jacket. Chris received the ball some 10 yards offside as his forward momentum surging downhill could not be checked.
Quotes: ‘Out of the 5 chances that he missed he should have scored 2.’ Podge’s generosity to Mike may have been influenced by the beer.
‘It was Ashley’s first of the season. You don’t get many as a Ref’. Tom seems to be indicating the goal shouldn’t have been given.
‘Of course it wasn’t over the line! Do you think I’d cheat?’ Baby was angry but restrained regarding Crofton’s goal.
Played 19. Won 8. Drawn 6. Lost 5. For 42. Against 41.
Mike 11, Paul D 8, PaulT 5, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Chris3, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Scholesy, Doyley, Podge, Jon 1 each.
2-1. ( Scholesy, Paul T.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Podge, Baby, Jon, Chef, Paul T, Tonksy, Doyley, Scholesy, Mike, Chris, The Squire, Roy.
The Game: A competitive affair characterised by a lack of finesse and flair with fluffed finishes from both sides. Having pulled one back Crofton, through a succession of long throws and decent corners, applied worrying pressure to the Tamps goal but we stood firm. Tony made some important punched clearances and Chef also headed clear on several occasions. When the ball did fall in the box invariably a Tamps player was there to power it away. We should have been more than one up at half time- it wasn’t Mike’s day in front of goal ( perhaps he was still distracted by a thumping Irish win in Cardiff and an important point for the Hammers at Newcastle). Scholesy was also frustrated with the ever optimistic Doyley who, surging forward, ignored his well placed team mate and, head down, toe poked the ball off for a goal kick. Cries of ‘Doyley!! Doyley!!! DOYLEY!!!!!’ going unheeded. Paul T’s free kick had put us two up and his professional foul on Big Dan as he broke away also drew applause. Big Al’s squealing ability was prominent late on when he was caught by Matt and when The Squire, ever the gentleman, politely trod on his toe pointing this out to the Ref immediately. Overall- despite creating some decent chances- our strengths were with an excellent back 3 with Matt winning the tackles, Podge, making a most welcome return after a couple of months out, reading the game and Baby passing the ball out of play with striking regularity and the inevitable expletives. Tony deserved a clean sheet: quickly off his line to win the ball, diving to his left to push a goal bound shot round the post and punching clear on several occasions.He also, unintentionally, took out their forward, who rebounded forcefully into the post.Our midfield worked hard even if Tonksy,despite his new boots, was swatted away consistently by Big Dan and most midfielders couldn’t kick the ball any distance. In the end it was tight but on the bulk of the play it should have been a more comfortable win.
The Goals: Having waited in vain for Mike to square the ball Scholesy got his chance when after some penalty box chaos Tonksy’s skilful pass, sorry, miss hit shot , gave him the opportunity to fire past the excellent Jamie who had thwarted Mike on several occasions. Scholesy also won the free kick for our second : Paul T’s curving, dipping effort from 30 yards finding top bins- despite Roy and Surj’s estimate that it was going high and wide.
Points of Vague Interest: Having WhatsApped at 3.51 a.m. to say he was still drinking Smudge’s appearance on the touchline was unsurprisingly brief and bilious, his pallor not helped by a painful, slept on shoulder and a light green jacket. Chris received the ball some 10 yards offside as his forward momentum surging downhill could not be checked.
Quotes: ‘Out of the 5 chances that he missed he should have scored 2.’ Podge’s generosity to Mike may have been influenced by the beer.
‘It was Ashley’s first of the season. You don’t get many as a Ref’. Tom seems to be indicating the goal shouldn’t have been given.
‘Of course it wasn’t over the line! Do you think I’d cheat?’ Baby was angry but restrained regarding Crofton’s goal.
Played 19. Won 8. Drawn 6. Lost 5. For 42. Against 41.
Mike 11, Paul D 8, PaulT 5, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Chris3, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Scholesy, Doyley, Podge, Jon 1 each.
Inter Viagra. Sam Montagu Astro. 22.01.23.
2-0. ( Paul T (pen.), Paul D )
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Graham, Jon, The Squire, Chris, Doyley, Scholesy, Paul D, Smudger, Paul T. ( Tim: Ref.)
The Game: Whilst this was a good contest, a victory sealed with two goals in the last quarter, it was relatively uneventful. Tony made some important saves in the first half and backed this up in the second with a good punched clearance from a corner. Our best chance fell to Paul D but with the keeper to beat he
was caught in several minds and effected what was later described as ‘a half-hearted back pass’. Our back 4 were largely untroubled with Matt and Graham seeing a lot of the ball on the flanks, Finchy making most of the tackles and Baby intercepting the through balls. The real battle was in the middle of the park where the Squire playing his first game of the year enjoyed his tussle with Gary in particular. Chris too covered a lot of ground to pressure Inter’s playmakers.However, our passing was from its best, particularly in the first quarter. Scholesy played well throughout and, as well as winning the penalty, might have scored if he hadn’t been put off by Paul D’s shout of ‘You’ve got to score that!’ Whilst the goals came late on we were generally dominant in the second half with Jon able to attack down the right close to our forwards. Smudge, on for Chris, could control the pace and direction of the play, although losing possession on one occasion he spent a minute or two checking his knee and adjusting his knee support. Viagra again benefitted from a large squad but despite the regular fresh legs and their younger age, they were well beaten.
The Goals: Scholesy knows how to make the most of contact- as shown by his Superman impersonation when clipped in the first half. However, there was no need for adding drama when he was pushed to the ground in the box- even gobby Inter’s protests were muted. Paul T’s penalty was well struck and directed and although the keeper did extremely well to reach the ball he couldn’t keep it out. Soon after Paul D made the game safe rolling the ball into the empty net from a very tight angle having gone past a defender or two and round the advancing keeper.
Moments of minor interest: Baby was able to increase his step count at half time retrieving the ball after his earlier free kick had sailed high and handsome over the end fence. We had a couple of headed opportunities : Finchy’s effort from Paul T’s testing free kick flew the wrong side of the post. Matt’s attempted flick on from a long throw was one of the game’s better defensive headers. Gary’s drive from distance the just cleared the bar was Inter’s only effort of note in the second half and prompted the ever competitive Squire (who had earlier changed ends having won the toss so as to avoid defending first in the frosty end) to state: ‘I would have killed myself if that had gone in’. We survived two instances of Sunday football, one in each half, with the ball bouncing around dangerously. Matt eventually cleared the first, whilst,later, Tony grabbed the loose ball after some chaos from a corner. Inter’s Kevin persuaded Tim to award a free kick as he asked nicely and Doyley may have thought about fouling him.
Played 18. Won 7. Drawn 6. Lost 5. For 40. Against 40.
Mike 11, Paul D 8, Finchy 4, Paul T 4, Baby 3, Chris 3, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Doyley, Podge, Jon 1 each.
Post Match: With Brett and Paula back over from New Zealand for a brief visit ahead of a longer European tour Baby could swap some hunting anecdotes – including reminiscing with admiration about Brett’s pig hunting with knife and dogs. With Baby, Smudge and Tim unavailable for the following Sunday and no fixture scheduled it was decided to keep it that way. Finchy’s gilet added style to proceedings in the bar with Smudge announcing that the gilet was his ‘look’ too.
2-0. ( Paul T (pen.), Paul D )
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Graham, Jon, The Squire, Chris, Doyley, Scholesy, Paul D, Smudger, Paul T. ( Tim: Ref.)
The Game: Whilst this was a good contest, a victory sealed with two goals in the last quarter, it was relatively uneventful. Tony made some important saves in the first half and backed this up in the second with a good punched clearance from a corner. Our best chance fell to Paul D but with the keeper to beat he
was caught in several minds and effected what was later described as ‘a half-hearted back pass’. Our back 4 were largely untroubled with Matt and Graham seeing a lot of the ball on the flanks, Finchy making most of the tackles and Baby intercepting the through balls. The real battle was in the middle of the park where the Squire playing his first game of the year enjoyed his tussle with Gary in particular. Chris too covered a lot of ground to pressure Inter’s playmakers.However, our passing was from its best, particularly in the first quarter. Scholesy played well throughout and, as well as winning the penalty, might have scored if he hadn’t been put off by Paul D’s shout of ‘You’ve got to score that!’ Whilst the goals came late on we were generally dominant in the second half with Jon able to attack down the right close to our forwards. Smudge, on for Chris, could control the pace and direction of the play, although losing possession on one occasion he spent a minute or two checking his knee and adjusting his knee support. Viagra again benefitted from a large squad but despite the regular fresh legs and their younger age, they were well beaten.
The Goals: Scholesy knows how to make the most of contact- as shown by his Superman impersonation when clipped in the first half. However, there was no need for adding drama when he was pushed to the ground in the box- even gobby Inter’s protests were muted. Paul T’s penalty was well struck and directed and although the keeper did extremely well to reach the ball he couldn’t keep it out. Soon after Paul D made the game safe rolling the ball into the empty net from a very tight angle having gone past a defender or two and round the advancing keeper.
Moments of minor interest: Baby was able to increase his step count at half time retrieving the ball after his earlier free kick had sailed high and handsome over the end fence. We had a couple of headed opportunities : Finchy’s effort from Paul T’s testing free kick flew the wrong side of the post. Matt’s attempted flick on from a long throw was one of the game’s better defensive headers. Gary’s drive from distance the just cleared the bar was Inter’s only effort of note in the second half and prompted the ever competitive Squire (who had earlier changed ends having won the toss so as to avoid defending first in the frosty end) to state: ‘I would have killed myself if that had gone in’. We survived two instances of Sunday football, one in each half, with the ball bouncing around dangerously. Matt eventually cleared the first, whilst,later, Tony grabbed the loose ball after some chaos from a corner. Inter’s Kevin persuaded Tim to award a free kick as he asked nicely and Doyley may have thought about fouling him.
Played 18. Won 7. Drawn 6. Lost 5. For 40. Against 40.
Mike 11, Paul D 8, Finchy 4, Paul T 4, Baby 3, Chris 3, Taj 2, Own Goals 2, Doyley, Podge, Jon 1 each.
Post Match: With Brett and Paula back over from New Zealand for a brief visit ahead of a longer European tour Baby could swap some hunting anecdotes – including reminiscing with admiration about Brett’s pig hunting with knife and dogs. With Baby, Smudge and Tim unavailable for the following Sunday and no fixture scheduled it was decided to keep it that way. Finchy’s gilet added style to proceedings in the bar with Smudge announcing that the gilet was his ‘look’ too.
Concept. Sam Montagu Astro. 15.01.23.
1-0. ( Own Goal)
Team: Finchy, Steve ( Arnold), Paul G, Baby, Jon, Tonksy, Chris, Chef, Doyley, Paul D, Mike, Smudge. ( Unused : Scholesy, Charlie, The Squire (Lino). Tim : Ref.
Summary: We had a larger than anticipated squad for our first game against Concept- although several on the subs bench decided to sit this one out. There were a couple of familiar faces in oppo colours : Jim and Adam both contributing well to an enjoyable and competitive contest. Both sides were stronger in defence and in midfield than in the final third where our pass selection and decision making did not match effective build up play. However, this was a battle where we could have been overrun but we built well on the resilience and determination shown in the previous game. ‘Old Finchley’ was again excellent between the sticks and debutant Steve ( also a train driver), Paul G and Baby were a resolute and accomplished back 3. In front of them the midfield led by an excellent and strongly vocal Jon all worked hard with Doyley dropping more into a left back position as second half pressure mounted. Our strike duo too made it hard for Concept to build their play fluently. We had, unusually, more than our share of good fortune but Concept’s repeated ploy of trying the through ball was dealt with relatively easily.
The Goal: It was perhaps symptomatic of the relative good fortune that we enjoyed in the match that it should be settled by an own goal. Mike received the ball wide on the right and fired in a cross hoping to find Doyley or Paul D. Neither were close but the defender perhaps sensing some danger felt he had to play the ball, only to deflect it into the net. Not too many Old Tamponians’ games finish 1-0!!!
Moments of slight note: Tonksy had two shots one more of a back pass and one with enough on it to clear the bar. He also had a trip down memory lane with a wrestle with Jacko which the Ref ignored. Doyley too had a couple of optimistic efforts – one with the outside of his left foot almost skewing so wide as to be a throw in. Smudge bravely brought himself on for the last quarter replacing a sweaty, hard working Chris. His immediate contribution was to pass square to their centre forward who, fortunately, squandered the chance. Chef, enjoying a mixed return to the team after 2 months grafting found himself free on goal twice, one effort well saved with the other not even on target. Perhaps our closest effort was from Mike whose prod of the loose ball after a set piece was cleared off the line. Finchy deserved his clean sheet coming out quickly to clear a couple of times, blocking with his feet and saving well from a header after a long throw- pushing the ball up and then catching it- showing he certainly can use his hands. Tim perhaps made the best save when, after Finchy had rushed out to clear the ball, unintentionally blocked the first time and long range goal bound shot with his face. Top Reffing!
Words and Afterwards: ‘ What are we doing?!?’ Paul D following rare uncertain play at the back, moments after taking on a ridiculously hopeful shot from the left with Mike unmarked at the far post. ‘It’s my only job !’ The Squire when questioned about understanding his role as Lino and spotting the offsides.
Chef took a bit of a pasting in the bar about his failures in front of goal- Welcome back Chef! There was general satisfaction with the win, the performance and the tough but fair quality of the game but the real battle was ensuring Baby and Mike didn’t choose a new and ridiculous pink kit!!
Very well played gents! Very decent debit Steve and very good to have Paul G ( and Chef?) back.
1-0. ( Own Goal)
Team: Finchy, Steve ( Arnold), Paul G, Baby, Jon, Tonksy, Chris, Chef, Doyley, Paul D, Mike, Smudge. ( Unused : Scholesy, Charlie, The Squire (Lino). Tim : Ref.
Summary: We had a larger than anticipated squad for our first game against Concept- although several on the subs bench decided to sit this one out. There were a couple of familiar faces in oppo colours : Jim and Adam both contributing well to an enjoyable and competitive contest. Both sides were stronger in defence and in midfield than in the final third where our pass selection and decision making did not match effective build up play. However, this was a battle where we could have been overrun but we built well on the resilience and determination shown in the previous game. ‘Old Finchley’ was again excellent between the sticks and debutant Steve ( also a train driver), Paul G and Baby were a resolute and accomplished back 3. In front of them the midfield led by an excellent and strongly vocal Jon all worked hard with Doyley dropping more into a left back position as second half pressure mounted. Our strike duo too made it hard for Concept to build their play fluently. We had, unusually, more than our share of good fortune but Concept’s repeated ploy of trying the through ball was dealt with relatively easily.
The Goal: It was perhaps symptomatic of the relative good fortune that we enjoyed in the match that it should be settled by an own goal. Mike received the ball wide on the right and fired in a cross hoping to find Doyley or Paul D. Neither were close but the defender perhaps sensing some danger felt he had to play the ball, only to deflect it into the net. Not too many Old Tamponians’ games finish 1-0!!!
Moments of slight note: Tonksy had two shots one more of a back pass and one with enough on it to clear the bar. He also had a trip down memory lane with a wrestle with Jacko which the Ref ignored. Doyley too had a couple of optimistic efforts – one with the outside of his left foot almost skewing so wide as to be a throw in. Smudge bravely brought himself on for the last quarter replacing a sweaty, hard working Chris. His immediate contribution was to pass square to their centre forward who, fortunately, squandered the chance. Chef, enjoying a mixed return to the team after 2 months grafting found himself free on goal twice, one effort well saved with the other not even on target. Perhaps our closest effort was from Mike whose prod of the loose ball after a set piece was cleared off the line. Finchy deserved his clean sheet coming out quickly to clear a couple of times, blocking with his feet and saving well from a header after a long throw- pushing the ball up and then catching it- showing he certainly can use his hands. Tim perhaps made the best save when, after Finchy had rushed out to clear the ball, unintentionally blocked the first time and long range goal bound shot with his face. Top Reffing!
Words and Afterwards: ‘ What are we doing?!?’ Paul D following rare uncertain play at the back, moments after taking on a ridiculously hopeful shot from the left with Mike unmarked at the far post. ‘It’s my only job !’ The Squire when questioned about understanding his role as Lino and spotting the offsides.
Chef took a bit of a pasting in the bar about his failures in front of goal- Welcome back Chef! There was general satisfaction with the win, the performance and the tough but fair quality of the game but the real battle was ensuring Baby and Mike didn’t choose a new and ridiculous pink kit!!
Very well played gents! Very decent debit Steve and very good to have Paul G ( and Chef?) back.
Charlton Rangers. Samuel Montagu Astro. 08.01.23.
2-3. ( Mike, Jon.)
Team: Finchy, Matt, Baby, Graham, Scholesy, Jon, Smudge, Chris, Doyley, Paul D, Mike, Tonksy. ( Roy: Lino, Tim: Ref.)
Summary: Charlton were even stronger than on the 3 previous meetings this season. Their keeper was the oldest at 57 and their right back a youngster at 54. When Charlie replaced Doyley early in the second half and Chris was back on for Scholesy-making his long awaited return to the team- 3 of our midfielders were in their 60s, with evergreen Tonksy, late to the game, late in his 60th year. It was to the credit of all involved that we were highly competitive throughout and were only denied the equaliser -and Mike his second goal-by the Linesman’s flag, perhaps raised to compensate for a possible error ahead of our second goal.
The Goals: We were heavily involved in all of them!
With the team, unusually, playing well from the outset, Mike finished a good move that had developed down the left with Graham, Doyley and Chris combining to feed Paul D who found his strike partner running in unmarked at the far post. The lead didn’t last long. Baby ‘tried to go round the big lanky unit’. ( Baby may have used a different, if similar, word than ‘unit’.) who won the ball and fired home from 10 yards out. Charlton went two up when it was Matt’s turn to be dispossessed after a delayed and slightly under hit pass from Scholesy- the forward was able to run in and score despite the excellent Finchy’s best efforts. Into the second half Matt, very recently returned from a few weeks in Oz, conceded a penalty, going through the player to get the ball. The ‘lanky unit’ scored again sending Finchy the wrong way and rolling the spot kick home confidently. Into the last 10 and the flag stayed down as Jon received the ball running behind the defence. With cries of ‘Play to the whistle’, and after a moment’s hesitation, he advanced and finished brilliantly, chipping the ball over the keeper.
Incidents of slight and no consequence: Mike ensured he’d be a contender for miss of the season, swooping on a loose ball only a few yards out, he lost his bearings and hooked the ball wide of the open goal. Graham’s ‘no look disguised pass’ caused mirth as it failed to go anywhere near its intended recipient. Paul D had a powerful shot that rattled the bar. Mike’s back needed a sensual massage with Scholesy eager to help out. Matt had to suffer the firm drive into his six pack without drawing too much sympathy from giggling teammates. Finchy made some fine stops with foot blocks and punched clearances.
What they said: On Paul T’s text that he wasn’t going to make it: ‘How many excuses has he had!? The response: ‘One more than Mike.’ ‘I tell you what I like about the oppo- they do know a player’. Tonksy enjoys the oppo midfielder’s ( misguided?) praise: ‘I don’t like chasing him- he never stops running’.
‘Run at him! Run at him!’
2-3. ( Mike, Jon.)
Team: Finchy, Matt, Baby, Graham, Scholesy, Jon, Smudge, Chris, Doyley, Paul D, Mike, Tonksy. ( Roy: Lino, Tim: Ref.)
Summary: Charlton were even stronger than on the 3 previous meetings this season. Their keeper was the oldest at 57 and their right back a youngster at 54. When Charlie replaced Doyley early in the second half and Chris was back on for Scholesy-making his long awaited return to the team- 3 of our midfielders were in their 60s, with evergreen Tonksy, late to the game, late in his 60th year. It was to the credit of all involved that we were highly competitive throughout and were only denied the equaliser -and Mike his second goal-by the Linesman’s flag, perhaps raised to compensate for a possible error ahead of our second goal.
The Goals: We were heavily involved in all of them!
With the team, unusually, playing well from the outset, Mike finished a good move that had developed down the left with Graham, Doyley and Chris combining to feed Paul D who found his strike partner running in unmarked at the far post. The lead didn’t last long. Baby ‘tried to go round the big lanky unit’. ( Baby may have used a different, if similar, word than ‘unit’.) who won the ball and fired home from 10 yards out. Charlton went two up when it was Matt’s turn to be dispossessed after a delayed and slightly under hit pass from Scholesy- the forward was able to run in and score despite the excellent Finchy’s best efforts. Into the second half Matt, very recently returned from a few weeks in Oz, conceded a penalty, going through the player to get the ball. The ‘lanky unit’ scored again sending Finchy the wrong way and rolling the spot kick home confidently. Into the last 10 and the flag stayed down as Jon received the ball running behind the defence. With cries of ‘Play to the whistle’, and after a moment’s hesitation, he advanced and finished brilliantly, chipping the ball over the keeper.
Incidents of slight and no consequence: Mike ensured he’d be a contender for miss of the season, swooping on a loose ball only a few yards out, he lost his bearings and hooked the ball wide of the open goal. Graham’s ‘no look disguised pass’ caused mirth as it failed to go anywhere near its intended recipient. Paul D had a powerful shot that rattled the bar. Mike’s back needed a sensual massage with Scholesy eager to help out. Matt had to suffer the firm drive into his six pack without drawing too much sympathy from giggling teammates. Finchy made some fine stops with foot blocks and punched clearances.
What they said: On Paul T’s text that he wasn’t going to make it: ‘How many excuses has he had!? The response: ‘One more than Mike.’ ‘I tell you what I like about the oppo- they do know a player’. Tonksy enjoys the oppo midfielder’s ( misguided?) praise: ‘I don’t like chasing him- he never stops running’.
‘Run at him! Run at him!’
Ashburnham Arms. Sam Montagu . 18.12.22.
2-4. ( Mike, Podge.)
Team: Tony, Finchy, Baby, Graham, Taj, Smudger, Chris, Podge, Tonksy, Paul D, Mike, Paul T, Tim. ( The Squire : Lino.)
Summary: After early arriving Mike had been told the game was off we demanded that the game take place – others were using the pitch safely in the earlier slot. Those heading back home turned round and with the snow cleared off the touchlines all available players were ready for the last match of 2022. It wasn’t a classic- although in hindsight the rage upfront caused some amusement.
The Goals: Mike got us back into the game.Paul T’s pass over the top found Paul D whose touch took it past the keeper allowing Mike to stroke the ball home. Podge got our second: after a corner was half cleared Baby’s shot was blocked and Chris ( ‘ I’m claiming full assist value’- he said. ) prodded the ball on for Podge to drive ( toe poke) it into the roof of the net.
Moments Major and Minor: Tony conceded he was at fault for their first and fourth goals. He called to gather the overhit through ball so Graham left it- so did Tony; tap in. As time ran out a shot from distance could have been held but in electing to palm it over the bar Tony only pushed into the net. We struck the bar twice. Firstly Paul T’s shot from wide on the right beat the keeper but not the woodwork and as we were coming back into the game Paul D’s fierce drive was tipped onto the bar and over. In the first half the keeper had also saved well from Baby’s well struck free kick. Finchy could have added to his impressive goal tally but his woolly hat reduced both the power and accuracy of his header. With Matt in Oz it was Taj who stepped up to continue the run of crunching tackles on the right side of our defence. Doyley was in Antigua swimming with pigs and stingrays and no one could replicate his inimitable play. Podge rivalled Chef’s behaviour at Santos by walking off the pitch leaving us with 10 players until a sub could be made.
The Bar and the Bon Mots. ‘ You’re offside you f***ing idiot’. ‘F***ing arseholes’. Podge as Bad Santa. ‘ I thought you were going into a Frankie Howerd impersonation there’. 12 enjoyed the bar with due concern shown for Tonksy’s excessive beer consumption. We noted the personalised plates on Mike’s vehicle : K80MOC- apparently not Kelly and Mike O’Connell but Kelly ( born in 1980) MRS O’C. Despite The Squire wearing a different Liberty shirt Podge secured the best dresser award this week: a woollen hoodie bedecked with angels- very much the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Despite the snow covered pitch and another defeat it was an enjoyable game to play. The Ash on this occasion had a bit too much youth and pace and we might have done better if our strikers could be at peace with each other. It was the season to be jolly….which of course we were in a very enjoyable bar session.
And so on to 2023.
Played 15. Won 5, Drawn 6, Lost 4, For 35, Against 37.
Goals: Mike 10, Paul D 7, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Paul T 3, Chris 3, Taj 2, Doyley 1, Podge 1, Own Goal 1.
2-4. ( Mike, Podge.)
Team: Tony, Finchy, Baby, Graham, Taj, Smudger, Chris, Podge, Tonksy, Paul D, Mike, Paul T, Tim. ( The Squire : Lino.)
Summary: After early arriving Mike had been told the game was off we demanded that the game take place – others were using the pitch safely in the earlier slot. Those heading back home turned round and with the snow cleared off the touchlines all available players were ready for the last match of 2022. It wasn’t a classic- although in hindsight the rage upfront caused some amusement.
The Goals: Mike got us back into the game.Paul T’s pass over the top found Paul D whose touch took it past the keeper allowing Mike to stroke the ball home. Podge got our second: after a corner was half cleared Baby’s shot was blocked and Chris ( ‘ I’m claiming full assist value’- he said. ) prodded the ball on for Podge to drive ( toe poke) it into the roof of the net.
Moments Major and Minor: Tony conceded he was at fault for their first and fourth goals. He called to gather the overhit through ball so Graham left it- so did Tony; tap in. As time ran out a shot from distance could have been held but in electing to palm it over the bar Tony only pushed into the net. We struck the bar twice. Firstly Paul T’s shot from wide on the right beat the keeper but not the woodwork and as we were coming back into the game Paul D’s fierce drive was tipped onto the bar and over. In the first half the keeper had also saved well from Baby’s well struck free kick. Finchy could have added to his impressive goal tally but his woolly hat reduced both the power and accuracy of his header. With Matt in Oz it was Taj who stepped up to continue the run of crunching tackles on the right side of our defence. Doyley was in Antigua swimming with pigs and stingrays and no one could replicate his inimitable play. Podge rivalled Chef’s behaviour at Santos by walking off the pitch leaving us with 10 players until a sub could be made.
The Bar and the Bon Mots. ‘ You’re offside you f***ing idiot’. ‘F***ing arseholes’. Podge as Bad Santa. ‘ I thought you were going into a Frankie Howerd impersonation there’. 12 enjoyed the bar with due concern shown for Tonksy’s excessive beer consumption. We noted the personalised plates on Mike’s vehicle : K80MOC- apparently not Kelly and Mike O’Connell but Kelly ( born in 1980) MRS O’C. Despite The Squire wearing a different Liberty shirt Podge secured the best dresser award this week: a woollen hoodie bedecked with angels- very much the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Despite the snow covered pitch and another defeat it was an enjoyable game to play. The Ash on this occasion had a bit too much youth and pace and we might have done better if our strikers could be at peace with each other. It was the season to be jolly….which of course we were in a very enjoyable bar session.
And so on to 2023.
Played 15. Won 5, Drawn 6, Lost 4, For 35, Against 37.
Goals: Mike 10, Paul D 7, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Paul T 3, Chris 3, Taj 2, Doyley 1, Podge 1, Own Goal 1.
Crofton - Away 04.12.22.
3-2. ( Chris (2), Paul T.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Jon, Tonksy, Chris, Podge, Graham, Doyley, Paul D, Paul T, Smudge, Roy, ( The Squire and Tim: unused.)
Summary: A lot of possession- often well used- and generally very solid defensive play both in midfield and at the back- should have led to a comfortable victory. However, a failure to take a succession of chances or make the right final pass, a couple of significant lapses in concentration and composure and Crofton’s determination ( with Neil outstanding at the back) and good team play meant the result was in doubt until the final whistle.
The Goals: Chris’ first was a header ‘powered home’ ( his words) from Graham’s Hail Mary ‘cross’- a looping up and under.
After their equaliser, scored from close range whilst our players dithered and watched, Paul T put us back in the lead. Tonksy inspired by his new young boy ( no mid-life crisis for our Phil Schofield look-a-like?) multi coloured Lotto boots ( property of Millwall FC) intercepted the ball and fed Paul T. Looking up and with little back lift his perfect chip would have beaten most goalkeepers- something of a trade mark finish. Crofton again equalised from close range as Tony anticipating the centre forward getting a touch, missed the cross for the unmarked midfielder to tap home.
Cometh the hour, cometh the driving instructor! In a rare moment of synchronicity ex-Toby stalwarts combined. The ball was worked up the left with Graham to the fore. He found Doyley who laid the ball back to Chris whose angled drive, using the ‘outside of the toe’ (his words) unerringly found the far corner.
Moments Major and Minor: As well as tackling fiercely whenever necessary Matt went above and beyond blocking the ball with his face and suffering a bloody nose and, even more painfully, with his bollocks- everything behind the ball. He also had two efforts on goal a good header and a well struck and reasonably well directed shot from distance. Another break down the left saw Roy charging on from midfield. Graham’s pass was perfectly paced and placed, Roy’s timing just right. It could have been Goal of the Season but despite the fine connection the ball flew over the bar and several adjacent properties. There were plenty of other misses by us though – quite a few from Paul D. Two big saves from Tony – one in each half. The first getting out to save at the feet of the forward when he was running unchallenged into the box and the other a strong hand to push away a shot at point blank range. Yet another good move led to Paul T’s shot cannoning off the bar but not quite falling for Podge. Good as the goal was Paul T’s best contribution was the finest of professional fouls: with the ball many yards away he tripped the advancing Crofton player who was surging forward to support play. Stony, as Crofton Lino looked on with admiration saying ‘That could have been be one of mine’.
Perhaps because it was far and away the coldest game of the year (too cold for Jim on the second day of his 70th year) on an energy sapping, sticky pitch where there were plenty of amusing slips and falls there was relatively little banter before or after the game. Tonksy and Baby regularly blurted out the C bomb as they misdirected passes and Roy made pre-match use of a wheel chair. Mike messaged his absence with a genuine and heartfelt explanation. Best in the bar was The Squire’s flamboyant Liberty shirt. If Belle had been there she would have again ignored Graham’s performance and selected Chris as Man of the Match- not just two goals but great work reducing Crofton Dan’s influence in the middle of the park.
3-2. ( Chris (2), Paul T.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Jon, Tonksy, Chris, Podge, Graham, Doyley, Paul D, Paul T, Smudge, Roy, ( The Squire and Tim: unused.)
Summary: A lot of possession- often well used- and generally very solid defensive play both in midfield and at the back- should have led to a comfortable victory. However, a failure to take a succession of chances or make the right final pass, a couple of significant lapses in concentration and composure and Crofton’s determination ( with Neil outstanding at the back) and good team play meant the result was in doubt until the final whistle.
The Goals: Chris’ first was a header ‘powered home’ ( his words) from Graham’s Hail Mary ‘cross’- a looping up and under.
After their equaliser, scored from close range whilst our players dithered and watched, Paul T put us back in the lead. Tonksy inspired by his new young boy ( no mid-life crisis for our Phil Schofield look-a-like?) multi coloured Lotto boots ( property of Millwall FC) intercepted the ball and fed Paul T. Looking up and with little back lift his perfect chip would have beaten most goalkeepers- something of a trade mark finish. Crofton again equalised from close range as Tony anticipating the centre forward getting a touch, missed the cross for the unmarked midfielder to tap home.
Cometh the hour, cometh the driving instructor! In a rare moment of synchronicity ex-Toby stalwarts combined. The ball was worked up the left with Graham to the fore. He found Doyley who laid the ball back to Chris whose angled drive, using the ‘outside of the toe’ (his words) unerringly found the far corner.
Moments Major and Minor: As well as tackling fiercely whenever necessary Matt went above and beyond blocking the ball with his face and suffering a bloody nose and, even more painfully, with his bollocks- everything behind the ball. He also had two efforts on goal a good header and a well struck and reasonably well directed shot from distance. Another break down the left saw Roy charging on from midfield. Graham’s pass was perfectly paced and placed, Roy’s timing just right. It could have been Goal of the Season but despite the fine connection the ball flew over the bar and several adjacent properties. There were plenty of other misses by us though – quite a few from Paul D. Two big saves from Tony – one in each half. The first getting out to save at the feet of the forward when he was running unchallenged into the box and the other a strong hand to push away a shot at point blank range. Yet another good move led to Paul T’s shot cannoning off the bar but not quite falling for Podge. Good as the goal was Paul T’s best contribution was the finest of professional fouls: with the ball many yards away he tripped the advancing Crofton player who was surging forward to support play. Stony, as Crofton Lino looked on with admiration saying ‘That could have been be one of mine’.
Perhaps because it was far and away the coldest game of the year (too cold for Jim on the second day of his 70th year) on an energy sapping, sticky pitch where there were plenty of amusing slips and falls there was relatively little banter before or after the game. Tonksy and Baby regularly blurted out the C bomb as they misdirected passes and Roy made pre-match use of a wheel chair. Mike messaged his absence with a genuine and heartfelt explanation. Best in the bar was The Squire’s flamboyant Liberty shirt. If Belle had been there she would have again ignored Graham’s performance and selected Chris as Man of the Match- not just two goals but great work reducing Crofton Dan’s influence in the middle of the park.
Charlton Rangers. Samuel Montagu Astro. 27.11.22.
1-3. ( Doyley)
Team: Tony, Matt, Graham, Finchy, Jon, Tonksy, Smudge, The Squire, Chris, Doyley, Roy, Scott ( guesting from AFC Greenwich- down to watch his mate after his match was cancelled-boots in car. Played second half as sub for valiant but injured Roy.)
Summary: Two late and lucky goals gave a distorting score line. With four 60 plus players and Tonksy in his 60th year we battled well after conceding a soft early goal. Doyley brought us level before half time and the contest was an engaging affair for most of the second half. Our back 3 worked well, Matt firm in the tackle ( as ever), Finchy regularly nipping in front of his man to claim the ball and Graham reading the game well from sweeper to counter Rangers’ long ball game. Roy despite not being fully fit and Doyley made their defence work allowing us to settle. In midfield Jon and the Old Codgers were exceptional.Jon was his usual all action self. The Squire recognised and dealt with the danger on the right side, Tonksy was all over the place ( in a good way! 😉), Smudge was composed, quality under pressure and Chris was up and down the left like a youngster; all gave everything for the 90 minutes. As a team we kept the ball well with good passing and movement.After our previous game it was particularly pleasing to see both sides playing in the right spirit throughout recognising each other’s strengths and allowing the Ref to sleep in the middle of the pitch and do very little for his £50.
The Goal: Graham’s well flighted free kick from the right picked out Doyley at the far post who guided his header back across goal and into the roof of the net.
Moments: Two excellent saves- one in each half – from Tony coming out to block the advancing forward although a dash to the touchline late on was unsuccessful. Doyley had a chance to put us ahead but his free header from the Squire’s excellent cross was too close to the keeper. Scott’s angled volley seemed destined for the far top corner but the keeper pulled off a Worldie - pawing the ball away at full stretch. A miss hit cross sailed over the advancing forwards but also over Tony’s head and into the net to give Charlton a late lead, quickly followed by their sub’s tap into an empty net after Tony couldn’t get the ball into touch.
Post match and quotes: The continued requests for Moretti shandy appalled Lindsay. Belle’s choice of Man of the Match was again controversial with Roy saying what others were thinking: ‘Does she watch the game?’ Belle’s selection was The Squire for 3 ( 3 !?!?) excellent crosses and for his creativity- Graham pointing out that ‘creative’ was not the first thing you thought of when considering The Squire’s attributes. ( Mind you his ABBA outfit showed a certain type of flair! ). Happy with the beer, the food and a win the oppo declared us the ‘best team we play’- presumably meaning the team they like playing most.
‘ I was never going to get there.’ Tony- on the overhit cross that went in. Quite.😀
Played 13, Won 4, Drawn 6, Lost 3. For: 30. Against: 31.
Goals: Mike 9, Paul D 7, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Paul T 2, Taj 2, Chris 1, Doyley 1, Own Goal 1.
1-3. ( Doyley)
Team: Tony, Matt, Graham, Finchy, Jon, Tonksy, Smudge, The Squire, Chris, Doyley, Roy, Scott ( guesting from AFC Greenwich- down to watch his mate after his match was cancelled-boots in car. Played second half as sub for valiant but injured Roy.)
Summary: Two late and lucky goals gave a distorting score line. With four 60 plus players and Tonksy in his 60th year we battled well after conceding a soft early goal. Doyley brought us level before half time and the contest was an engaging affair for most of the second half. Our back 3 worked well, Matt firm in the tackle ( as ever), Finchy regularly nipping in front of his man to claim the ball and Graham reading the game well from sweeper to counter Rangers’ long ball game. Roy despite not being fully fit and Doyley made their defence work allowing us to settle. In midfield Jon and the Old Codgers were exceptional.Jon was his usual all action self. The Squire recognised and dealt with the danger on the right side, Tonksy was all over the place ( in a good way! 😉), Smudge was composed, quality under pressure and Chris was up and down the left like a youngster; all gave everything for the 90 minutes. As a team we kept the ball well with good passing and movement.After our previous game it was particularly pleasing to see both sides playing in the right spirit throughout recognising each other’s strengths and allowing the Ref to sleep in the middle of the pitch and do very little for his £50.
The Goal: Graham’s well flighted free kick from the right picked out Doyley at the far post who guided his header back across goal and into the roof of the net.
Moments: Two excellent saves- one in each half – from Tony coming out to block the advancing forward although a dash to the touchline late on was unsuccessful. Doyley had a chance to put us ahead but his free header from the Squire’s excellent cross was too close to the keeper. Scott’s angled volley seemed destined for the far top corner but the keeper pulled off a Worldie - pawing the ball away at full stretch. A miss hit cross sailed over the advancing forwards but also over Tony’s head and into the net to give Charlton a late lead, quickly followed by their sub’s tap into an empty net after Tony couldn’t get the ball into touch.
Post match and quotes: The continued requests for Moretti shandy appalled Lindsay. Belle’s choice of Man of the Match was again controversial with Roy saying what others were thinking: ‘Does she watch the game?’ Belle’s selection was The Squire for 3 ( 3 !?!?) excellent crosses and for his creativity- Graham pointing out that ‘creative’ was not the first thing you thought of when considering The Squire’s attributes. ( Mind you his ABBA outfit showed a certain type of flair! ). Happy with the beer, the food and a win the oppo declared us the ‘best team we play’- presumably meaning the team they like playing most.
‘ I was never going to get there.’ Tony- on the overhit cross that went in. Quite.😀
Played 13, Won 4, Drawn 6, Lost 3. For: 30. Against: 31.
Goals: Mike 9, Paul D 7, Finchy 4, Baby 3, Paul T 2, Taj 2, Chris 1, Doyley 1, Own Goal 1.
Inter Viagra. Home - at Sam Montague. 20.11.22.
4-4. ( Paul D (2), Chris, Baby.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Taj, The Squire, Smudge, Chris, Doyley, Paul D, Mike, Podge. Roy: Lino, Tim: Ref.
Summary: 8 goals, moderate actual and greater threatened violence, interesting debate and conversation, outstanding petulance and the odd controversial decision; football and sportsmanship were not the winners as gobby Viagra with a squad of 18- including 3 Avery Hill ringers- plumbed new depths in poor on and off field behaviour.
Goals: Paul’s first – allowed to run in on goal despite the Lino’s raised flag, the Ref seeing that Paul was in front of the blue line whilst the last defender was the other side of it. His shot was strong but perhaps the keeper should have done better than to allow the ball to deflect into the net from his body.
The second- ‘A thing of beauty’. ( Smudge). ‘ My throw started it’. ( Tony). Short passes to work the ball beyond the Viagra press and free Paul near the right touchline to skip past the late arriving Steve H. Paul cut in and finished cleanly- which was just as well as Mike was free for the squared ball and an easy tap in.
Putting us 3-1 up midway through the second half, Doyley’s corner was nodded on by Finchy where Chris, at the far post, head and shouldered the ball home.
Putting us back in the lead Baby’s angled cross from deep was over hit but was left by both keeper and centre half and bounced into the net.
Bits and pIeces: Podge had the best lost ball ever- probably landed in Well Hall- but another first time shot just flew wide. Meretricious Darren plays for his third team in as many weeks and hacks Taj. The big Lino flounced off dramatically when his raised flag was rejected; said flag being hurled down as he marched across the pitch. Mistakes: Matt’s header back combined with Tony not reaching it gave them the opening goal. Their second was well struck but from 30 yards went over Tony’s head : ‘the sun’ he said. Baby’s scuffed back pass conceded the corner from which the final equaliser was scored. Doyley shot instead of squaring the ball for a tap in.
What we’ve learned: The Squire dresses VERY well for Abba- but is forthright on the pitch: ‘Fuck off you useless c**ts!’ Podge was late as he needed a shit. Podge doesn’t want to be President of the Roan but he expects to be asked: ‘ I’ve won more League Championships than the f***ing Daniels.’ Tony needs a visor. The cricket pitch is a bit wormy . Podge and Baby had an uncleaned shark’s jaw, Bowie knives and a bomb as childhood playthings. A 10 litre catering urn is excellent if you need to boil a skull. Tim occasionally likes the wall in the right place and doesn’t like to be back chatted by Alex the Twat saying : ‘ No! You come here!’. Peace and Love all. Peace and Love. ❤️
4-4. ( Paul D (2), Chris, Baby.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Taj, The Squire, Smudge, Chris, Doyley, Paul D, Mike, Podge. Roy: Lino, Tim: Ref.
Summary: 8 goals, moderate actual and greater threatened violence, interesting debate and conversation, outstanding petulance and the odd controversial decision; football and sportsmanship were not the winners as gobby Viagra with a squad of 18- including 3 Avery Hill ringers- plumbed new depths in poor on and off field behaviour.
Goals: Paul’s first – allowed to run in on goal despite the Lino’s raised flag, the Ref seeing that Paul was in front of the blue line whilst the last defender was the other side of it. His shot was strong but perhaps the keeper should have done better than to allow the ball to deflect into the net from his body.
The second- ‘A thing of beauty’. ( Smudge). ‘ My throw started it’. ( Tony). Short passes to work the ball beyond the Viagra press and free Paul near the right touchline to skip past the late arriving Steve H. Paul cut in and finished cleanly- which was just as well as Mike was free for the squared ball and an easy tap in.
Putting us 3-1 up midway through the second half, Doyley’s corner was nodded on by Finchy where Chris, at the far post, head and shouldered the ball home.
Putting us back in the lead Baby’s angled cross from deep was over hit but was left by both keeper and centre half and bounced into the net.
Bits and pIeces: Podge had the best lost ball ever- probably landed in Well Hall- but another first time shot just flew wide. Meretricious Darren plays for his third team in as many weeks and hacks Taj. The big Lino flounced off dramatically when his raised flag was rejected; said flag being hurled down as he marched across the pitch. Mistakes: Matt’s header back combined with Tony not reaching it gave them the opening goal. Their second was well struck but from 30 yards went over Tony’s head : ‘the sun’ he said. Baby’s scuffed back pass conceded the corner from which the final equaliser was scored. Doyley shot instead of squaring the ball for a tap in.
What we’ve learned: The Squire dresses VERY well for Abba- but is forthright on the pitch: ‘Fuck off you useless c**ts!’ Podge was late as he needed a shit. Podge doesn’t want to be President of the Roan but he expects to be asked: ‘ I’ve won more League Championships than the f***ing Daniels.’ Tony needs a visor. The cricket pitch is a bit wormy . Podge and Baby had an uncleaned shark’s jaw, Bowie knives and a bomb as childhood playthings. A 10 litre catering urn is excellent if you need to boil a skull. Tim occasionally likes the wall in the right place and doesn’t like to be back chatted by Alex the Twat saying : ‘ No! You come here!’. Peace and Love all. Peace and Love. ❤️
Charlton Rangers. Home : Tennis Court Pitch. 13.11.22.
2-2 ( Mike (2) ).
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Darren, Tonksy, Chef, Podge, Graham, Paul D, Mike. Smudge ( unused ), Roy : Lino, Tim: Ref.
Summary: A competitive and enjoyable Remberance Sunday fixture in which Charlton twice equalised and both keepers made important saves. We probably had more attacking play and more possession but Charlton were dangerous on the break. Tim as Ref could let the game flow and keep an eye on the score as England won the T20 World Cup.
Goals : Two headers from Mike. Good work out wide by Paul D who sent an inviting left footed cross towards the penalty spot where Mike arrived to leap and power home. The second came from a Baby free kick after Paul D had been hacked down between the touchline and the penalty box. The free kick was driven hard into the danger area and Mike’s glancing header gave the keeper and defenders massed close to the line no chance.
Big Moments: A fine save by Tony pushing a sweetly struck free kick over the bar. He’d done well several times coming out swiftly to avert danger. Also a strong punched clearance from a corner and he had no real chance with the headed equaliser from a subsequent corner.
Strong work by the back 3- Matt, Baby and Finchy, who cleared the ball a lot, supported by a strong tackling Chef and all action Tonksy and Podge in the midfield generally limited Charlton’s attacking threats to set play. They increasingly resorted to the long ball and got lucky late on. They broke down our left and a hopeful cross eluded Tony but not Baby chasing back, deflecting from his ‘torso’ ( some cruelly preferred ‘belly’- though ‘gut’ was also heard) for their second equaliser.
As the clock ticked down the ball broke to Paul D on the right hand side of their box. His shot was well struck and on target but the keeper was just able to palm the ball onto the bar and out for what was to be a fruitless last chance corner.
Lesser Moments: All action Darren, making a determined and effective debut had a chance to secure the win. His left foot shot was wide of but fairly close to the post- perhaps significantly better than most of his Thursday evening attempts. It was, however, more threatening than Tonksy’s effort when set up by Podge.
Uncharacteristically sharp from the outset Mike going close early on with a fierce volley. Graham freed from a back 3 role by Baby’s return attacked well down the left although his final ball was not as effective as usual- in the first half he came close to knocking Paul D out rather than providing a comfortable assist. His corners were generally better but not the one driven along the ground straight to a defender.
It seemed certain Podge would score to add to our early lead. He pounced on the loose ball close to goal after the keeper had only pushed the ball a short distance. His shot was powerful and clearly on target but a defender threw himself across and dramatically deflected the ball wide.
Quotes: ‘Mike’s my man of the match’. Belle’s selection is not without controversy with Podge, Baby and Graham ( fetchingly dressed in his Lizzie Line livery) questioning the choice. ‘I won the free kick.’ Paul D- when congratulating Mike on his second goal.
‘He’s a lovely footballer; I love watching him play’. One of the Oppo speaking about Tonksy whose responses were: ‘He fancies me.’ And: ‘I love a man who takes charge’.
An enjoyable game and a good performance by all with everyone showing strong commitment and effort. However this ‘Young’ side- no player over 60 – again couldn’t close the game out. (A bit like the Saints at Sarries.) Perhaps it was a mistake not to bring Smudge to help with this.
Played: 11, Won 4, Drawn 5, Lost 2. For 25. Against 24.
Scorers: Mike 9,Paul D 5, Finchy 4, Paul T, Baby, Taj- 2 each, 1 own goal.
2-2 ( Mike (2) ).
Team: Tony, Matt, Baby, Finchy, Darren, Tonksy, Chef, Podge, Graham, Paul D, Mike. Smudge ( unused ), Roy : Lino, Tim: Ref.
Summary: A competitive and enjoyable Remberance Sunday fixture in which Charlton twice equalised and both keepers made important saves. We probably had more attacking play and more possession but Charlton were dangerous on the break. Tim as Ref could let the game flow and keep an eye on the score as England won the T20 World Cup.
Goals : Two headers from Mike. Good work out wide by Paul D who sent an inviting left footed cross towards the penalty spot where Mike arrived to leap and power home. The second came from a Baby free kick after Paul D had been hacked down between the touchline and the penalty box. The free kick was driven hard into the danger area and Mike’s glancing header gave the keeper and defenders massed close to the line no chance.
Big Moments: A fine save by Tony pushing a sweetly struck free kick over the bar. He’d done well several times coming out swiftly to avert danger. Also a strong punched clearance from a corner and he had no real chance with the headed equaliser from a subsequent corner.
Strong work by the back 3- Matt, Baby and Finchy, who cleared the ball a lot, supported by a strong tackling Chef and all action Tonksy and Podge in the midfield generally limited Charlton’s attacking threats to set play. They increasingly resorted to the long ball and got lucky late on. They broke down our left and a hopeful cross eluded Tony but not Baby chasing back, deflecting from his ‘torso’ ( some cruelly preferred ‘belly’- though ‘gut’ was also heard) for their second equaliser.
As the clock ticked down the ball broke to Paul D on the right hand side of their box. His shot was well struck and on target but the keeper was just able to palm the ball onto the bar and out for what was to be a fruitless last chance corner.
Lesser Moments: All action Darren, making a determined and effective debut had a chance to secure the win. His left foot shot was wide of but fairly close to the post- perhaps significantly better than most of his Thursday evening attempts. It was, however, more threatening than Tonksy’s effort when set up by Podge.
Uncharacteristically sharp from the outset Mike going close early on with a fierce volley. Graham freed from a back 3 role by Baby’s return attacked well down the left although his final ball was not as effective as usual- in the first half he came close to knocking Paul D out rather than providing a comfortable assist. His corners were generally better but not the one driven along the ground straight to a defender.
It seemed certain Podge would score to add to our early lead. He pounced on the loose ball close to goal after the keeper had only pushed the ball a short distance. His shot was powerful and clearly on target but a defender threw himself across and dramatically deflected the ball wide.
Quotes: ‘Mike’s my man of the match’. Belle’s selection is not without controversy with Podge, Baby and Graham ( fetchingly dressed in his Lizzie Line livery) questioning the choice. ‘I won the free kick.’ Paul D- when congratulating Mike on his second goal.
‘He’s a lovely footballer; I love watching him play’. One of the Oppo speaking about Tonksy whose responses were: ‘He fancies me.’ And: ‘I love a man who takes charge’.
An enjoyable game and a good performance by all with everyone showing strong commitment and effort. However this ‘Young’ side- no player over 60 – again couldn’t close the game out. (A bit like the Saints at Sarries.) Perhaps it was a mistake not to bring Smudge to help with this.
Played: 11, Won 4, Drawn 5, Lost 2. For 25. Against 24.
Scorers: Mike 9,Paul D 5, Finchy 4, Paul T, Baby, Taj- 2 each, 1 own goal.
Inter Viagra. 30.10.22. Away at Home: Tennis Court Pitch.
3-3. ( Finchy, Own Goal, Taj.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Graham, Finchy, Taj, Jon, The Squire, Tonksy, Chris, Chef, Mike, Doyley, Paul ( Davies ). Smudge, Tim: unused.
Summary: What a weekend for comebacks! Not only had Cruella been reappointed as Home Secretary six days following her resignation from that position for breaking the Ministerial Code but South East London was rocked by events on its football fields. Having conceded two goals in injury time having previously levelled the game Charlton then scored in the 96th and 99th minutes to secure a thrilling 4-4 draw with Ipswich. Ed Sheeran was gutted; the Valley faithful elated.
Inter Viagra’s equaliser also came late as ‘additional’ time was played. It was founded on combative determination, significant Referee help and a Linesman who saw only what he wanted. Well after the 90th minute the Ref gleefully awarded a penalty after Finchy’s clearance skewed onto his elbow. He had earlier ignored at least two arguably more blatant such instances in the Inter box.
Having built a 3-0 lead it was 3-1 at half-time the Viagra centre back powering a header home as Tony hesitated. We had stopped using our possession well but we still looked as if we’d score.Into the second half, Mike went past two defenders. Collecting the ball in the box he was scythed down in what could have been a leg breaker. A penalty? Even Inter players assumed so. But no the Linesman’s flag was raised- apparently Mike despite being on the right side of two defenders- one of whom tried to drag him back- was offside. To add to Mike’s frustration, shortly afterwards, Gerry didn’t see the full back making no attempt to play the ball, grab and body check our centre forward even though it occurred a few yards away. The officials seemed in perfect synchronicity – the Ref also ignoring a range of hacks and pulls by Inter players. We were excellent in the first quarter, less effective thereafter- perhaps Tonksy’s withdrawal with injury was a turning point as he’d been excellent-but the draw was an injustice.
The Goals: Finchy nodded in his 4th of the season, a glancing header at the far post from another excellent cross from Chris after his testing corner was only played back out to him .
Good interplay sent Chef away on the right and into the box, the big keeper seemed to have the shot covered but a defender’s challenge skewed it into the net.
Taj got the third after Graham’s corner hadn’t been dealt with. Unmarked at the back stick Taj arrowed the ball home.
Bigger and Lesser Moments: Taj was the peacemaker after Del had made his feelings known to the Ref. ( ‘You’re fucking useless!’ ). The keeper rushing out of his area, took Mike out by the right touchline- no foul given. Jon was regularly kicked and both Chef and Finchy looked on in puzzlement as the Ref ignored blatant fouls. Graham’s surge forward was eventually halted by the chasing player after a series of hacks and pulls. As we headed towards the 90 a flighted 30 yard shot caught Tony off his line and set up the last minute drama.
Quotes: ‘ Close them down! Close them down!’ Perhaps Tony could have re-positioned himself on the goal line if worried about a long range shot.
‘ You f*****g c**t!’ The Ref responds to Del’s criticism. ‘If it was a Saturday game I’d send you off’. The Ref again shows his level of professionalism and even handedness speaking to Mike after his barge felled the opponent who’d just scythed him down.
‘ I’m not the Ref, Tim.’ Gerry doesn’t quite seem to understand the dissatisfaction with his and the Ref’s standards.
Not the result it should have been but great to have Paul Davies back in a Tamps shirt.
to edit.
3-3. ( Finchy, Own Goal, Taj.)
Team: Tony, Matt, Graham, Finchy, Taj, Jon, The Squire, Tonksy, Chris, Chef, Mike, Doyley, Paul ( Davies ). Smudge, Tim: unused.
Summary: What a weekend for comebacks! Not only had Cruella been reappointed as Home Secretary six days following her resignation from that position for breaking the Ministerial Code but South East London was rocked by events on its football fields. Having conceded two goals in injury time having previously levelled the game Charlton then scored in the 96th and 99th minutes to secure a thrilling 4-4 draw with Ipswich. Ed Sheeran was gutted; the Valley faithful elated.
Inter Viagra’s equaliser also came late as ‘additional’ time was played. It was founded on combative determination, significant Referee help and a Linesman who saw only what he wanted. Well after the 90th minute the Ref gleefully awarded a penalty after Finchy’s clearance skewed onto his elbow. He had earlier ignored at least two arguably more blatant such instances in the Inter box.
Having built a 3-0 lead it was 3-1 at half-time the Viagra centre back powering a header home as Tony hesitated. We had stopped using our possession well but we still looked as if we’d score.Into the second half, Mike went past two defenders. Collecting the ball in the box he was scythed down in what could have been a leg breaker. A penalty? Even Inter players assumed so. But no the Linesman’s flag was raised- apparently Mike despite being on the right side of two defenders- one of whom tried to drag him back- was offside. To add to Mike’s frustration, shortly afterwards, Gerry didn’t see the full back making no attempt to play the ball, grab and body check our centre forward even though it occurred a few yards away. The officials seemed in perfect synchronicity – the Ref also ignoring a range of hacks and pulls by Inter players. We were excellent in the first quarter, less effective thereafter- perhaps Tonksy’s withdrawal with injury was a turning point as he’d been excellent-but the draw was an injustice.
The Goals: Finchy nodded in his 4th of the season, a glancing header at the far post from another excellent cross from Chris after his testing corner was only played back out to him .
Good interplay sent Chef away on the right and into the box, the big keeper seemed to have the shot covered but a defender’s challenge skewed it into the net.
Taj got the third after Graham’s corner hadn’t been dealt with. Unmarked at the back stick Taj arrowed the ball home.
Bigger and Lesser Moments: Taj was the peacemaker after Del had made his feelings known to the Ref. ( ‘You’re fucking useless!’ ). The keeper rushing out of his area, took Mike out by the right touchline- no foul given. Jon was regularly kicked and both Chef and Finchy looked on in puzzlement as the Ref ignored blatant fouls. Graham’s surge forward was eventually halted by the chasing player after a series of hacks and pulls. As we headed towards the 90 a flighted 30 yard shot caught Tony off his line and set up the last minute drama.
Quotes: ‘ Close them down! Close them down!’ Perhaps Tony could have re-positioned himself on the goal line if worried about a long range shot.
‘ You f*****g c**t!’ The Ref responds to Del’s criticism. ‘If it was a Saturday game I’d send you off’. The Ref again shows his level of professionalism and even handedness speaking to Mike after his barge felled the opponent who’d just scythed him down.
‘ I’m not the Ref, Tim.’ Gerry doesn’t quite seem to understand the dissatisfaction with his and the Ref’s standards.
Not the result it should have been but great to have Paul Davies back in a Tamps shirt.
to edit.
Santos. 16.10.22. Away. The Pavillion, Footscray Road.
2-1. ( Paul D (2) ).
Team: Tony, Matt, Graham, Finchy, Hon, Tonksy, Chef, Podge, The Squire, Doyley, Paul D, Taj, Smudge. ( Tim: Lino.)
Summary: The score line doesn’t reflect our performance or the balance of play. We were particularly dominant in the first half and should have scored more. A wasteful approach continued after halftime although the lenient Ref could have awarded us further penalties one of which could have been given on sound alone. Chances weren’t taken, the better final ball not selected or critical passes not effectively played. The Santos keeper also made a string of very good saves. That said even after Santos- with a fine long range strike – had pulled it back to 2-1- we controlled the game.
Goals: Both in the first half from Paul D. The first a clinically dispatched penalty low to the keeper’s right after Chef had been felled during one of several mazy dribbles. The second smacked home after a characteristically determined run past several defenders the keeper’s chance of saving it zeroed by a slight deflection.
Big Moments: Tony’s excellent one on one save moving out quickly and standing up well to parry the shot to safety. ( Also another good save at a set piece springing to his right to push the attempt round his right hand post.). Another break into the box from Chef following good build up play, saw him round the keeper but seeing only distant static and flat footed teammates when he looked to square the ball.
Paul D also rounded the keeper staying on his feet despite another hack but from a very acute angle rolled the ball just the wrong side of the post. Graham was forced to leave the field after an outrageously deliberate off the ball stamp on his thigh by their psycho forward who was only sin binned for 10 minutes. Podge stepped brilliantly into the central defensive role.
Lesser Moments: Finchy and Tonksy combine to miss an unguarded goal. Finchy’s ‘Have it!’ clearances. Shots from Matt surging down the hill and The Squire seeing the keeper out of his goal, both represented a high level of optimism. Director of Football Smudger’s gold star drag back when under severe pressure.
Quotes: ‘I thought it was 3-1.’ The Squire followed the game carefully.
‘ I should have closed him down.’ Tonksy admits he could have done more to stop the Santos goal. ‘Is that an Ed Sheeran T-shirt?’ Tim’s cheeky question to Tonksy who was wearing a Joy Division T.
‘No mate. It’s because I’ve got no hair.’ Graham’s measured response to the psycho forward who claimed he had ‘that haircut’ because he thought he was ‘hard.’
Man Up Award: Only one winner : Chef- walked off the pitch mid game, the big sulk apparently triggered by Paul D not passing to him. As his WhatsApp said:’Piss poor attitude from me today boys, I apologise, not good enough.’
Apology accepted Chef- you did quite a few good things in the game!!
A week off before Canning Town on the 30th. 9 games before this Autumn break: Played 9, Won 4, Drawn 3, Lost 2. For : 20 Against: 19.
Scorers: Mike 7, Paul D 5, Finchy 3, Paul T 2, Baby 2, Taj 1.
We need more goals from midfield!!!
Erith. 09.10.22. Home- Tennis Court Pitch.
5-1. ( Mike (3), Paul D, Paul T. )
Team: Tony, Matt, Graham, Finchy, Jon, Chris, Chef, Tonksy, The Squire, Paul D, Mike, Paul T, Doyley, Podge, Taj, Smudge, Tim.
Summary: A big squad and a big result! From the moment Tony made a smart save to palm away Michael’s drive we played well and controlled the game. Tony’s next significant intervention was to clatter Michael as he reached the ball albeit from an offside position. The latter was not happy. ‘I went for the ball!’ Tony exclaimed. Our good team play possibly merited more first half goals. Mike and Paul D made it difficult for Erith to play out from the back and the strong performances by all in midfield
led to a reliance on the long ball. Matt, Graham and Finchy held the line well forcing a series of offside decisions and in general controlled the Erith forwards easily.
Smudge,as Director of Football deployed the troops effectively although there was a period of adjustment after the first substitutions.
Although Erith pulled one back in the second period we added to our tally, our performance only slightly spoiled by Mike’s extravagant celebration of his third goal. He was rewarded by Kelly momentarily looking up before returning her full attention to her phone. Smudge brought himself on to close out the game and the only downside of Tim’s first appearance of the season was Chef’s power crazed 10 minutes as Ref.
Goals: Mike’s perfect hat trick: chested it down, right foot drive across the keeper, possibly from a Chris assist. The most glancing of headers from Paul D’s clipped cross to the far post. Left footed tap in from Paul T’s driven low cross from the right.
Paul T also assisted Paul D’s goal, his long ball over the the defence controlled well by the latter prior to its fierce dispatch into the roof of the net.
The assist of the game came from Taj however, who, cleverly ignoring the open goal, lifted the ball over the keeper so that Paul T had time, after a calculated dummy, to guide it into the net.
Quotes: ‘It bounced!’ The Squire explains his ‘Have it!’ Shot ,skying the ball out for a goal kick.
‘You’re making Doyley your Man of the Match!?!?’ The Squire expresses the collective disbelief at Belle’s ‘brave’ selection.
‘See you Matthew Kelly.’
Man Up Award- a new,usually weekly award, to recognise disappointing behaviour. The Squire. Morretti Shandy Man.
An enjoyable post match drink up, one that went on long into the evening for Graham and Smudge- the latter, perhaps seeking to outdo Matt’s earlier confusion, spent a lot of time locating his bag which he’d already placed in his car boot.
02/10/2022 Oppo: Avery Hill Score: 1-5 Scorer: Mike
Team: Tony - MATT GG FINCHY - TAJ JON SQUIRE CHRIS SD - PAUL D MIKE
SUBS: TONKSY SMUDGER
In a word: Deflating
In a sentence: Never a 1-5 game!
After the glut of injuries the previous Sunday and people being away we went into this game knowing it would be tough, GG managed to get over his back problem to help get us up to 13. The team talk was that we had to start quicker than we have been this season, we didn't, and gave away yet another early goal against the run of play, there didnt seem to be enough power in the shot but it nestled in the corner of the net. We played some nice football up to the edge of the box but, either the final pass or, a lack of patience meant there was no end product. Again against the run of play we were 2-0 behind, we gave the ball away on the edge of the box and a curling shot again beat Tony into the bottom corner, lots of angry Tamps, how were we 2-0 down? Then came two big turning points, first Paul D drove into the, box and was caught by Matt but, stayed on his feet, the knock had put him off balance and he lost the ball, Penalty we thought, but Ref Roy decided that as he had the ball (even though he got no advantage) it wasn't! then
Mad Dave whacked Mike in the shin inside the box, Mike went down, even the AH subs cried penalty unfortunately Ref Roy decided not. H/T 0-2 who knows with 2 pens it could have been 2-2.
Tonksy replaced a cold riddled Squire at h/t, again the call was to start quick and to get back into the game, we didn't, too much mucking about on the edge of the box led to Tonksy setting up Grant who finished well. Time for Smudge to enter the fray for the last 30 mins, we dominated most of the last half hour, played some very nice football, created half chances, the best from a well worked free kick between GG and Smudger which ended with Taj just failing to get enough on it to score. We were chasing the game and conceded a fourth when Josh lashed another shot from outside the box past Tony. We scored a nice goal when good play led to Paul D linking with Mike and his finish beat Dan at the near post, their 5th was comical when GG fell to earth leaving the AH striker to curl another past Tony into the bottom corner. We lost 1-5 but hadn't played anywhere near as badly as the previous week. Onwards to a home fixture with Erith and hopefully maybe a few bodies back.
After match in the bar was good, decent beer, nice food and jovial banter, the highlight being our esteemed president Graham letting us all know that 'He had been all the way with Hilary on the new Elizabeth line'
Team: Tony - MATT GG FINCHY - TAJ JON SQUIRE CHRIS SD - PAUL D MIKE
SUBS: TONKSY SMUDGER
In a word: Deflating
In a sentence: Never a 1-5 game!
After the glut of injuries the previous Sunday and people being away we went into this game knowing it would be tough, GG managed to get over his back problem to help get us up to 13. The team talk was that we had to start quicker than we have been this season, we didn't, and gave away yet another early goal against the run of play, there didnt seem to be enough power in the shot but it nestled in the corner of the net. We played some nice football up to the edge of the box but, either the final pass or, a lack of patience meant there was no end product. Again against the run of play we were 2-0 behind, we gave the ball away on the edge of the box and a curling shot again beat Tony into the bottom corner, lots of angry Tamps, how were we 2-0 down? Then came two big turning points, first Paul D drove into the, box and was caught by Matt but, stayed on his feet, the knock had put him off balance and he lost the ball, Penalty we thought, but Ref Roy decided that as he had the ball (even though he got no advantage) it wasn't! then
Mad Dave whacked Mike in the shin inside the box, Mike went down, even the AH subs cried penalty unfortunately Ref Roy decided not. H/T 0-2 who knows with 2 pens it could have been 2-2.
Tonksy replaced a cold riddled Squire at h/t, again the call was to start quick and to get back into the game, we didn't, too much mucking about on the edge of the box led to Tonksy setting up Grant who finished well. Time for Smudge to enter the fray for the last 30 mins, we dominated most of the last half hour, played some very nice football, created half chances, the best from a well worked free kick between GG and Smudger which ended with Taj just failing to get enough on it to score. We were chasing the game and conceded a fourth when Josh lashed another shot from outside the box past Tony. We scored a nice goal when good play led to Paul D linking with Mike and his finish beat Dan at the near post, their 5th was comical when GG fell to earth leaving the AH striker to curl another past Tony into the bottom corner. We lost 1-5 but hadn't played anywhere near as badly as the previous week. Onwards to a home fixture with Erith and hopefully maybe a few bodies back.
After match in the bar was good, decent beer, nice food and jovial banter, the highlight being our esteemed president Graham letting us all know that 'He had been all the way with Hilary on the new Elizabeth line'
OLD TAMPONIANS MATCH REPORTS. 2022-23.
Cudham. Away, Holmesdale F.C. Oakley Road. 25.09.22.
0-5.
TEAM: Tony, Finchy, Baby, Graham, Tatts Dean, Taj, Chris, Podge, Doyley. Mike, Paul D, Matt, The Squire, Smudge, Chef, Lee.
( Mitch and Tim unused subs.)
Summary: Having been battered in the first half- 4-0 down by the break- a stronger second half performance followed and there was erudite exchange in the bar of batter recipes with Smudger’s sizeable Yorkshire Pudding mix drawing gasps of admiration.
Whilst Chef could arrive on time for the second half after a 6.30 flight from Portugal, Matt and the Squire hadn’t seen the change to an earlier kick off, this resulting in the starting XI not being all it could be.
Cudham played well benefiting, particularly with their second goal, from long distance refereeing and throughout from a pacy 38 year old forward. Tony had little chance with any of the goals and having made a superb save early on saw the striker react first to the loose ball to slot the opener. In contrast to Cudham’s excellent retention and use of the ball we were profligate.Baby’s first two passes were wayward, Graham’s efforts more than matched that, Tatts Dean’s distinctive vision enabled him to consistently run the ball out of play and Chris apologised quite frequently. There were post match calls for back heels to be banned.
Our one effort of note in the first half saw good play setting up Taj at the near post but his effort was easily saved, the ball was then quickly moved forward and a third goal scored.
Nasty injuries were a feature of the game: Graham tripped in a hole and had to be replaced. Having heroically picked up his cousin from Gatwick and dealing with Chef’s significant confusion over arrival and departure times, Lee popped his patella in a coming together and couldn’t continue when he’d been a strong part of a much better second half. Late on, and after we’d conceded a breakaway fifth Baby damaged his knee completing a superb covering tackle. Podge, who’d given his all but couldn’t complete the 90 went to the garage for frozen peas to reduce his brother’s swelling.
Big Moments: None. Excellent chat in the bar though.
Lesser Moments: Mike had our best chance but perhaps made the wrong choice to go round the keeper who stood up well and saved more comfortably than we’d anticipated. (We need Mike and Paul D to rediscover the good link up play and attacking threat they showed earlier in the season.)
Quotes: ‘It was travelling my shot - if the defender hadn’t got in the way it might have reached the keeper.’ Smudge.
‘ I was enjoying a latte and a pain au raisin’. The Squire explains his lateness.
‘It’s called a crepe pan.’ Podge.
‘Could be struggling, don’t land at 6.15, that’s what time my flight is from Portugal🙈🙈’. Chef – WhatsApp a few hours before his flight.
The unbeaten start to the season came to an abrupt end but it was good to see a combative and fully competitive second half performance characterised by The Squire putting himself about in subtle ways, excellent defence from Matt, Baby, and Finchy and better build up play even though we didn’t really test their keeper. Chef could claim he made a difference shutting down their playmaker but the latter could state that he ( Chef) ‘..was playing nowhere’.
Old Tamponians Match Reports 2022-23.
Erith. 18.09.22. Away at Home. Tennis Court Pitch.
1-0. ( Finchy)
Team: Tony, Matt, Paul G, Finchy, Jon, Chris, Chef, Tonksy, Doyley, Mike, Paul D, Adam, Smudge, Tim.
Summary: Playing 3-5-2 for the first time this season worked well. With the extra man in midfield- Chef in particular giving a good showing in the half he could play- we were able to limit Erith’s threats to our goal, mostly by legal means. Early on Tony had to deal with a couple of drives, one of which was strong enough to wind him but after that there was little effective attacking play for us to worry about. The first half performance was particularly good and we should have scored more: some good chances were not taken. In the second we were less effective going forward but our defensive work was consistently strong: great effort by all.
The Goal: Finchy’s 6th in 7 games. Doyley’s inswinging corners from the right caused problems and both Mike and Paul G failed to convert good headed chances. After the incoming wasn’t dealt with Finchy smashed the loose ball into the roof of the net.
The Big Moments: Apart from the missed chances the big moments belonged to Tony as he secured a well deserved clean sheet. Dashing off his line after a rare defensive mixup he had to dive to secure the ball. He also had to react sharply to push the ball round the post as he realised an over hit through ball might just creep in.
Lesser Moments: A big moment for the player although it didn’t effect the match: a seemingly innocuous collision led to a dislocated shoulder for Erith’s left sided midfielder; ignored by his 17 strong squad Roy took him to hospital.
Mike and Paul D worked hard to make it difficult for Erith to play out from the back. When their pressure led to the keeper gifting Mike the ball the goal seemed at his mercy- however, the keeper recovered and pushed away a fairly weak effort.
Chris recovered after giving the ball away to win the ball back with a desperate tackle.
Paul G’s new boots perhaps contributed to a comedy stumble and fall but also provided defensive excelllence which was very well supported by Finchy and Matt.
The ineffectiveness of Erith’s long throw strategy was exemplified by Tonksy’s towering clearing header.
Quotes: ‘Oh f**k off!’ – times 3 or 4, Tonksy fills the exclamatory vacuum left by Baby’s absence. (BTW : fine morning after pre-match photo from Baby to inspire the troops.)
‘Our strikers couldn’t hit a barn door’.
‘It should have been over by halftime’.
‘He can’t cross it that far: he’s a tikka tikka player’. Smudge analyses Tonksy’s game.
A fifth game unbeaten and back to back wins and, profligacy in front of goal not withstanding, another good performance. The laid back Ref allowed the game to flow and whilst there was some bickering and sulking in the Erith ranks there was the usual good banter and spirit between the two teams. Cudham up next.
Erith. 18.09.22. Away at Home. Tennis Court Pitch.
1-0. ( Finchy)
Team: Tony, Matt, Paul G, Finchy, Jon, Chris, Chef, Tonksy, Doyley, Mike, Paul D, Adam, Smudge, Tim.
Summary: Playing 3-5-2 for the first time this season worked well. With the extra man in midfield- Chef in particular giving a good showing in the half he could play- we were able to limit Erith’s threats to our goal, mostly by legal means. Early on Tony had to deal with a couple of drives, one of which was strong enough to wind him but after that there was little effective attacking play for us to worry about. The first half performance was particularly good and we should have scored more: some good chances were not taken. In the second we were less effective going forward but our defensive work was consistently strong: great effort by all.
The Goal: Finchy’s 6th in 7 games. Doyley’s inswinging corners from the right caused problems and both Mike and Paul G failed to convert good headed chances. After the incoming wasn’t dealt with Finchy smashed the loose ball into the roof of the net.
The Big Moments: Apart from the missed chances the big moments belonged to Tony as he secured a well deserved clean sheet. Dashing off his line after a rare defensive mixup he had to dive to secure the ball. He also had to react sharply to push the ball round the post as he realised an over hit through ball might just creep in.
Lesser Moments: A big moment for the player although it didn’t effect the match: a seemingly innocuous collision led to a dislocated shoulder for Erith’s left sided midfielder; ignored by his 17 strong squad Roy took him to hospital.
Mike and Paul D worked hard to make it difficult for Erith to play out from the back. When their pressure led to the keeper gifting Mike the ball the goal seemed at his mercy- however, the keeper recovered and pushed away a fairly weak effort.
Chris recovered after giving the ball away to win the ball back with a desperate tackle.
Paul G’s new boots perhaps contributed to a comedy stumble and fall but also provided defensive excelllence which was very well supported by Finchy and Matt.
The ineffectiveness of Erith’s long throw strategy was exemplified by Tonksy’s towering clearing header.
Quotes: ‘Oh f**k off!’ – times 3 or 4, Tonksy fills the exclamatory vacuum left by Baby’s absence. (BTW : fine morning after pre-match photo from Baby to inspire the troops.)
‘Our strikers couldn’t hit a barn door’.
‘It should have been over by halftime’.
‘He can’t cross it that far: he’s a tikka tikka player’. Smudge analyses Tonksy’s game.
A fifth game unbeaten and back to back wins and, profligacy in front of goal not withstanding, another good performance. The laid back Ref allowed the game to flow and whilst there was some bickering and sulking in the Erith ranks there was the usual good banter and spirit between the two teams. Cudham up next.
OTVFC MATCH REPORTS. 2022-23.
An Invitational XI. (Not Crofton😀) Home. 11.09.22.
4-1. (Mike (3), Paul T.)
Team: Lee, Taj, Matt, Baby, Graham, Jon, Chris, Chef, Tonksy, Mike, Paul D, Doyley, Paul T, Tatts Dean.
(Tim: Ref.)
Summary: On a weekend when the F.A. cancelled all professional games and fixtures at Crofton Albion were also stopped, we were able to host an invitational XI of local notables and worthies- much better than having to run out against Young Lads of the Village.
This was again a good contest and given that the Gentlemen’s XI hit the frame of the goal 3 times the score line perhaps doesn’t properly reflect this. 2-1 at halftime it was only in the second half as the oppo tired, their lack of substitutes perhaps influencing this, that the Tamps could be more dominant. However- and particularly given Jon’s early exit -this was an excellent performance by all involved : very solid at the back with clear direction from Lee between the sticks, sharp and combative in the midfield with Chef, Tonksy, Chris and latterly Paul T prominent and Doyley and Mike rediscovering their intuitive understanding.
The Goals: Graham’s corner was nodded on, indeed ‘perfectly weighted’ by Chef, giving Mike an easy headed finish. The second came from open play:good build up down the right and Graham’s well judged pass allowing Doyley time to look up and measure an excellent cross that Mike, again unchallenged, could head home.
Doyley also assisted the third. Paul T’s shot was blocked and Doyley reacted the quickest squaring the ball for Mike to complete his hat trick. Late in the game Paul T completed the scoring with a powerful volley from 25 yards out, firing home after a corner had been partially cleared.
The Big Moments: Chef’s hack was rightly penalised and Al scored the spot kick comfortably. Prior to this Tim had to consider two other possible penalties firstly with Chris’s attempted tackle and then when Mike and Kev in goal collided as the former lost control of the ball.
Matt, recent winner of the Raw Meat award, timed his vital tackle perfectly to end Manu’s promising breakaway. Crunch!
Lesser Moments: Paul D’s free kick, skied high and wide after Paul T’s distracting step over. Chris leaves the cross field pass distracted by Taj’s habitual call of ‘Look!’ Graham’s no look back heel caused amusement – as did Glen’s double fall. Having skied an early volley but then provided an assist, Doyley’s powerful second half strike brought an excellent save from Big Al now in goal.
Quotes: ‘He takes those glasses off he’s as blind as a bat’ Baby on Tatts Dean, who gave an improved and energetic display. ‘ Tonksy, get out of the way!’ Paul T ensures he has space for his cracking strike. ‘He’s Spanish, I think’. Tim’s speculative Welsh- French -Italian impersonation causes suitable amusement.
An Invitational XI. (Not Crofton😀) Home. 11.09.22.
4-1. (Mike (3), Paul T.)
Team: Lee, Taj, Matt, Baby, Graham, Jon, Chris, Chef, Tonksy, Mike, Paul D, Doyley, Paul T, Tatts Dean.
(Tim: Ref.)
Summary: On a weekend when the F.A. cancelled all professional games and fixtures at Crofton Albion were also stopped, we were able to host an invitational XI of local notables and worthies- much better than having to run out against Young Lads of the Village.
This was again a good contest and given that the Gentlemen’s XI hit the frame of the goal 3 times the score line perhaps doesn’t properly reflect this. 2-1 at halftime it was only in the second half as the oppo tired, their lack of substitutes perhaps influencing this, that the Tamps could be more dominant. However- and particularly given Jon’s early exit -this was an excellent performance by all involved : very solid at the back with clear direction from Lee between the sticks, sharp and combative in the midfield with Chef, Tonksy, Chris and latterly Paul T prominent and Doyley and Mike rediscovering their intuitive understanding.
The Goals: Graham’s corner was nodded on, indeed ‘perfectly weighted’ by Chef, giving Mike an easy headed finish. The second came from open play:good build up down the right and Graham’s well judged pass allowing Doyley time to look up and measure an excellent cross that Mike, again unchallenged, could head home.
Doyley also assisted the third. Paul T’s shot was blocked and Doyley reacted the quickest squaring the ball for Mike to complete his hat trick. Late in the game Paul T completed the scoring with a powerful volley from 25 yards out, firing home after a corner had been partially cleared.
The Big Moments: Chef’s hack was rightly penalised and Al scored the spot kick comfortably. Prior to this Tim had to consider two other possible penalties firstly with Chris’s attempted tackle and then when Mike and Kev in goal collided as the former lost control of the ball.
Matt, recent winner of the Raw Meat award, timed his vital tackle perfectly to end Manu’s promising breakaway. Crunch!
Lesser Moments: Paul D’s free kick, skied high and wide after Paul T’s distracting step over. Chris leaves the cross field pass distracted by Taj’s habitual call of ‘Look!’ Graham’s no look back heel caused amusement – as did Glen’s double fall. Having skied an early volley but then provided an assist, Doyley’s powerful second half strike brought an excellent save from Big Al now in goal.
Quotes: ‘He takes those glasses off he’s as blind as a bat’ Baby on Tatts Dean, who gave an improved and energetic display. ‘ Tonksy, get out of the way!’ Paul T ensures he has space for his cracking strike. ‘He’s Spanish, I think’. Tim’s speculative Welsh- French -Italian impersonation causes suitable amusement.
OTVFC MATCH REPORTS. 2022-23 Season.
Crofton. Home. 04.09.22.
1 - 1 ( Finchy.)
Team: Lee, Matt, Finchy, Baby, Roy, Jon, Tonksy, Chris, Doyley, Chef, Paul D, Paul T, Smudge, The Squire, Taj. Tim: Ref.
Summary: A third draw in a row having had only one in the previous two Seasons! Unlike the previous games this was a fair result: we were far from our cohesive best going forward but there was a strong and committed defensive strength. Fortunately there was the post match Awards and outstanding catering from Jon’s son Zak to enjoy.
The Goal: Another goal from a corner- knocked on by Taj with Finchy quickest to react and slamming home the loose ball. Having scored 3 goals in the final 4 games of last season Finchy has now scored in both of his matches this season.That’s 5 in 6 games! Eat your heart out Doyley!
The Big Moments: An unstoppable angled drive from Crofton Dan opened the scoring early as we failed to deal with the incoming throw in.
As half time approached Lee had to rush out to intercept and tackle the forward before he could shoot. Pace, power and effectiveness- the forward didn’t re-enter play in the second half.
With Paul D poised to run in on goal Tim agreed with the calls for offside despite Lino Kev keeping his flag down.
Lesser Moments: Tonksy, with his second shot of the game, connected strongly but saw his drive pass the wrong side of the post.
When asked to get ready to come back on Roy decided whatever was planned was not good enough. The strop that followed was reminiscent of previous behaviour. No I in team, Roy.
Perhaps because he was not his usual self standing up Chef decided to play the game lying down on a couple of occasions. Beached whales have been less sedentary.
Late in the game Jon broke forward with both Pauls well placed and Paul T the better option. As on other occasions and from most players the pass didn’t reach the intended recipient.
Tatts Dean failed to show- detained overnight by a Viking.
Lee picked up the ball after Matt kicked it back. If it had been a pass it would have gone into touch!
Great battling with Dan especially by The Squire and Jon.
Quotes: ‘Stop milking it you dickhead’. Baby has no sympathy for young Simon rolling on the floor looking for a free kick.
‘From what I saw it was quite an entertaining game.’ Karen perhaps being diplomatic.
‘Just a lot of despair’. The mood on the touchline matched that on the pitch.
‘No one gets past the Pink Panther’.Chef. If Lee was that Pink Panther then Jamie was the Lemon Lion as Crofton keeper.
Our shots, more numerous than those from Crofton, also failed to really cause the keeper much difficulty. Our defensive work was effective and involved fewer kicks to the ankles but with excellent battles in midfield the sides were evenly matched. Not a great or memorable game but excellent post match. Toasting Steve R’s birthday ( thanks for the 🍺🍻🍻 Steve!), enjoying excellent lamb kebabs, samosas , naan and chicken tikka and voting for the Goal of 2020-21 and the awards from last season. Well done to the winners and well done to all.
Crofton. Home. 04.09.22.
1 - 1 ( Finchy.)
Team: Lee, Matt, Finchy, Baby, Roy, Jon, Tonksy, Chris, Doyley, Chef, Paul D, Paul T, Smudge, The Squire, Taj. Tim: Ref.
Summary: A third draw in a row having had only one in the previous two Seasons! Unlike the previous games this was a fair result: we were far from our cohesive best going forward but there was a strong and committed defensive strength. Fortunately there was the post match Awards and outstanding catering from Jon’s son Zak to enjoy.
The Goal: Another goal from a corner- knocked on by Taj with Finchy quickest to react and slamming home the loose ball. Having scored 3 goals in the final 4 games of last season Finchy has now scored in both of his matches this season.That’s 5 in 6 games! Eat your heart out Doyley!
The Big Moments: An unstoppable angled drive from Crofton Dan opened the scoring early as we failed to deal with the incoming throw in.
As half time approached Lee had to rush out to intercept and tackle the forward before he could shoot. Pace, power and effectiveness- the forward didn’t re-enter play in the second half.
With Paul D poised to run in on goal Tim agreed with the calls for offside despite Lino Kev keeping his flag down.
Lesser Moments: Tonksy, with his second shot of the game, connected strongly but saw his drive pass the wrong side of the post.
When asked to get ready to come back on Roy decided whatever was planned was not good enough. The strop that followed was reminiscent of previous behaviour. No I in team, Roy.
Perhaps because he was not his usual self standing up Chef decided to play the game lying down on a couple of occasions. Beached whales have been less sedentary.
Late in the game Jon broke forward with both Pauls well placed and Paul T the better option. As on other occasions and from most players the pass didn’t reach the intended recipient.
Tatts Dean failed to show- detained overnight by a Viking.
Lee picked up the ball after Matt kicked it back. If it had been a pass it would have gone into touch!
Great battling with Dan especially by The Squire and Jon.
Quotes: ‘Stop milking it you dickhead’. Baby has no sympathy for young Simon rolling on the floor looking for a free kick.
‘From what I saw it was quite an entertaining game.’ Karen perhaps being diplomatic.
‘Just a lot of despair’. The mood on the touchline matched that on the pitch.
‘No one gets past the Pink Panther’.Chef. If Lee was that Pink Panther then Jamie was the Lemon Lion as Crofton keeper.
Our shots, more numerous than those from Crofton, also failed to really cause the keeper much difficulty. Our defensive work was effective and involved fewer kicks to the ankles but with excellent battles in midfield the sides were evenly matched. Not a great or memorable game but excellent post match. Toasting Steve R’s birthday ( thanks for the 🍺🍻🍻 Steve!), enjoying excellent lamb kebabs, samosas , naan and chicken tikka and voting for the Goal of 2020-21 and the awards from last season. Well done to the winners and well done to all.
OTVFC MATCH REPORTS. 2022-23 SEASON.
Avery Hill. Away at Home. 28.08.22.
3-3. ( Taj, Finchy, Paul D.)
Team: Tony, Taj, Finchy, Baby, Graham, Roy, Tonksy, Chris,Smudge, Mike, Paul D, Chef, Tim (Lino.)
Summary: Another excellent team performance in a match that had some fine goals from both sides and some controversial moments. AH -even without Mad Dave- relied more on the long ball whereas we repeatedly created chances through patient, controlled build up, with threatening movement and link play by Mike and Paul D up front and good support from midfield and further back. AH took their few chances, we missed too many.
The Goals: Having last scored against Wellcome in March 2020, the Last Game Before Lockdown and having to contend with a series of injuries, it was great to see Taj back on the scoresheet. A corner resulted from a good save of Mike’s drive. Graham’s delivery was headed back across goal by Mike and Taj volleyed home.
Finchy again brought us level after Roy challenged for Paul D’s free kick, rifling the loose ball home.
The final goal of the game was a cracker. Finchy played the ball down the line to Paul D who cut in and from an acute angle and ignoring unmarked teammates in front of goal crashed a fierce drive into the roof of the net.
Other Big Moments: Mike looking sharp throughout volleyed home as the defenders appealed for offside. The goal was given and we kicked off before the Ref responded to a late appeal for handball.
Having checked with Lino Jim who stated that the ball had hit Mike’s hand the goal was chalked off. Mike was insistent that -as others thought- the ball had hit his chest.
Another intervention by the Lino, Tim, led to a further reversal of the Ref’s decision. Ken had awarded a spot kick thinking Tony had brought down the AH forward. From side on it was clear that Tony had got the ball and that any contact was caused by the forward trying to get across the Keeper. AH players were vocal in their disapproval but the Ref again listened to the Linesman.
Kicking off for the second half we almost went further behind as Chris unintentionally set up Grant who pushed the ball wide.
Having equalised for a second time Grant scored AH’s third with a fine header despite the proximity of both Finchy and Taj.
Lesser Moments: Missed chances- quite a few: Mike’s scuff in the first minute; also early on Roy volleying Mike’s fine pass wide; several by Paul D.
Baby, unusually caught in possession, perhaps a result of the Summer Weight increase!
Paul D’s dodgy Shearer like celebration after his excellent strike.
Quote: ‘Why did we think it was 4-1?’ Paul D, like others, was still thinking about the previous game’s denouement.
‘No defenders appealed for handball.’ Smudge
Fine performances by all of the starting XI. Chef’s late entrance into the fray gave Smudge a chance to rest his knee but didn’t change the game. A lot of ground covered by Tonksy and Chris in the middle of the park, also good use of the ball by Smudge, Graham, Taj ,Baby and Finchy in particular and strong defensive play by all.
Another 3-3; another game we could have won.
Avery Hill. Away at Home. 28.08.22.
3-3. ( Taj, Finchy, Paul D.)
Team: Tony, Taj, Finchy, Baby, Graham, Roy, Tonksy, Chris,Smudge, Mike, Paul D, Chef, Tim (Lino.)
Summary: Another excellent team performance in a match that had some fine goals from both sides and some controversial moments. AH -even without Mad Dave- relied more on the long ball whereas we repeatedly created chances through patient, controlled build up, with threatening movement and link play by Mike and Paul D up front and good support from midfield and further back. AH took their few chances, we missed too many.
The Goals: Having last scored against Wellcome in March 2020, the Last Game Before Lockdown and having to contend with a series of injuries, it was great to see Taj back on the scoresheet. A corner resulted from a good save of Mike’s drive. Graham’s delivery was headed back across goal by Mike and Taj volleyed home.
Finchy again brought us level after Roy challenged for Paul D’s free kick, rifling the loose ball home.
The final goal of the game was a cracker. Finchy played the ball down the line to Paul D who cut in and from an acute angle and ignoring unmarked teammates in front of goal crashed a fierce drive into the roof of the net.
Other Big Moments: Mike looking sharp throughout volleyed home as the defenders appealed for offside. The goal was given and we kicked off before the Ref responded to a late appeal for handball.
Having checked with Lino Jim who stated that the ball had hit Mike’s hand the goal was chalked off. Mike was insistent that -as others thought- the ball had hit his chest.
Another intervention by the Lino, Tim, led to a further reversal of the Ref’s decision. Ken had awarded a spot kick thinking Tony had brought down the AH forward. From side on it was clear that Tony had got the ball and that any contact was caused by the forward trying to get across the Keeper. AH players were vocal in their disapproval but the Ref again listened to the Linesman.
Kicking off for the second half we almost went further behind as Chris unintentionally set up Grant who pushed the ball wide.
Having equalised for a second time Grant scored AH’s third with a fine header despite the proximity of both Finchy and Taj.
Lesser Moments: Missed chances- quite a few: Mike’s scuff in the first minute; also early on Roy volleying Mike’s fine pass wide; several by Paul D.
Baby, unusually caught in possession, perhaps a result of the Summer Weight increase!
Paul D’s dodgy Shearer like celebration after his excellent strike.
Quote: ‘Why did we think it was 4-1?’ Paul D, like others, was still thinking about the previous game’s denouement.
‘No defenders appealed for handball.’ Smudge
Fine performances by all of the starting XI. Chef’s late entrance into the fray gave Smudge a chance to rest his knee but didn’t change the game. A lot of ground covered by Tonksy and Chris in the middle of the park, also good use of the ball by Smudge, Graham, Taj ,Baby and Finchy in particular and strong defensive play by all.
Another 3-3; another game we could have won.
OTVFC MATCH REPORTS. 2022-3 SEASON.
Charlton Rangers. Perry Street. 21.08.22.
3-3. ( Baby 2 ( 1 pen), Paul D.
Team: Tony, Matt, Steve H, Baby, Graham, Taj, Tonksy, Podge, The Squire, Lee , Paul D, Chris, Smudge, Tatts Dean, Roy. ( Tim- unused.)
Summary: A largely impressive performance undermined by the concession of not one but two injury time goals! The equaliser was clearly offside but as the Ref had declared he didn’t want Linesmen as they couldn’t be trusted, there was no flag.
The Goals: After Lee was upended in the box and with Chris on the touchline Baby confidently scored the penalty, sending the keeper the wrong way.
The second was lashed home by Paul D after another well constructed attack was partially cleared. Picking up the ball just inside the box Paul shifted the ball to his right and hammered it into the net.
Into the second half Baby’s second came from a well judged and paced Tonksy lay off after further impressive build up.
Other Big Moments: Matt’s remarkable goal line clearance, bravely throwing himself at the post to clear the ball. A subsequent super strong tackle was another element in a Man of the Match performance.
Taj broke clear and was only prevented from firing past the keeper by an outstanding cover tackle, the defender coming out of nowhere.
Lee did get his shot away but somehow the keeper ( definitely their Man of the Match) pushed the fierce drive to safety.
Roy, having been set up by Lee, had the ball at his feet and the goal at his mercy but skewed his shot high and wide.
After their very late equaliser there was still time for Graham to snatch at a presentable chance and send it wide.
Lesser Moments.
Tatts Dean is the first to arrive at the ground.
Taj demonstrates his return to fitness with two acrobatic but unsuccessful overheads.
Podge’s rugby tackle leads to ‘ words’ and Baby’s first ‘row’ of the season.
Quite a few wasted free kicks.
Quotes.
‘ I think he’s the best looking Ref we’ve had’. The Squire.
‘That’s the best back four I’ve played against’. ‘ He’s obviously played at a shit level’. Smudge.
‘For F**k’s’ sake boys!’ and much more frustrated invective : Tim end of match apoplexy after a definite lack of effective game management.
With everyone performing so well and with excellent controlled football creating many chances on another day we would have won by a big margin. It’s a funny old game.
Charlton Rangers. Perry Street. 21.08.22.
3-3. ( Baby 2 ( 1 pen), Paul D.
Team: Tony, Matt, Steve H, Baby, Graham, Taj, Tonksy, Podge, The Squire, Lee , Paul D, Chris, Smudge, Tatts Dean, Roy. ( Tim- unused.)
Summary: A largely impressive performance undermined by the concession of not one but two injury time goals! The equaliser was clearly offside but as the Ref had declared he didn’t want Linesmen as they couldn’t be trusted, there was no flag.
The Goals: After Lee was upended in the box and with Chris on the touchline Baby confidently scored the penalty, sending the keeper the wrong way.
The second was lashed home by Paul D after another well constructed attack was partially cleared. Picking up the ball just inside the box Paul shifted the ball to his right and hammered it into the net.
Into the second half Baby’s second came from a well judged and paced Tonksy lay off after further impressive build up.
Other Big Moments: Matt’s remarkable goal line clearance, bravely throwing himself at the post to clear the ball. A subsequent super strong tackle was another element in a Man of the Match performance.
Taj broke clear and was only prevented from firing past the keeper by an outstanding cover tackle, the defender coming out of nowhere.
Lee did get his shot away but somehow the keeper ( definitely their Man of the Match) pushed the fierce drive to safety.
Roy, having been set up by Lee, had the ball at his feet and the goal at his mercy but skewed his shot high and wide.
After their very late equaliser there was still time for Graham to snatch at a presentable chance and send it wide.
Lesser Moments.
Tatts Dean is the first to arrive at the ground.
Taj demonstrates his return to fitness with two acrobatic but unsuccessful overheads.
Podge’s rugby tackle leads to ‘ words’ and Baby’s first ‘row’ of the season.
Quite a few wasted free kicks.
Quotes.
‘ I think he’s the best looking Ref we’ve had’. The Squire.
‘That’s the best back four I’ve played against’. ‘ He’s obviously played at a shit level’. Smudge.
‘For F**k’s’ sake boys!’ and much more frustrated invective : Tim end of match apoplexy after a definite lack of effective game management.
With everyone performing so well and with excellent controlled football creating many chances on another day we would have won by a big margin. It’s a funny old game.
