Old Tamponians: 2017-18 End of Season Round-up.
What they said: We were all shit! See! I can last 90 minutes. I meant to head it! There’s still time to win it…..and there’s time to lose it. It was awful- it was shocking, just absolutely awful. That’s the best I can say about it.
You reffed really well today. He’s 59 – he’s never going to learn. I enjoyed that! That wasn’t a dig mate. Roy did alright today. What??! I’m 34- it’s a vets game. That’s another game we’ve won without Smudge. You boys did alright – I was impressed. You’re the best team we’ve played this season. Do you think we missed Steve Doyle? Crap goal kicks and a hit and hope goal – that’s all it took today. Bloody hell! Was that Roy?!!? Tell Tim if they carry on like that they’ll lose the fixture! Mike’s not one of the better players. Now, that’s why I should be centre forward for the club! I don’t know how I mistook him for Smudge. Don’t worry I’ll lose the paper work. Really!!! Really !!!!!!!!! REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lads :the view from my hotel room. The lads lifted themselves when I turned up. Mitch, Mitch ! Get back!! F**k off Roy! I told you lot- you just need to give me the ball! Are we a 3 or a 4 at the back!!??!! Don’t pass to Mike- he can’t run!
I need to rest my thigh.
2017-18
Played: 32. Won: 15. Lost: 10. Drew: 7. For: 84. Against: 65
( plus the festive inter-club fixture against the Young Vets. )
Pre- Christmas: Played: 16. Won: 9. Lost: 4. Drew: 3. For: 47 Against: 35.
Post-Christmas: Played 16. Won: 6. Lost: 6. Drew: 4. For: 37 Against: 30.
5 clean sheets. 3 before Christmas and 2 after.
(2016-17: Played: 30. Won: 13. Lost: 11. Drew: 6. For:70. Against: 73. 1 clean sheet. )
10 players with over 20 appearances.
7 other players in double figures.
Top Guest: Nathan. 5 appearances.
Top Guest goal scorer: Finchy 3.
Appearances and Goals.
Steve D. 31. 13
Chris. 30. 1
Roy. 28. 7
Mark TK. 26
The Squire. 26. 1
Tonksy. 26. 4
Smudge. 25
Taj. 25. 6
Steve R. 23. 1
John. 21. 1
Paul. 19. 14
Tim. 18
Mike. 17. 17
Baby. 16. 2
Podge. 15. 1
Scholesy. 12. 4
Graham. 11. 4
Mitch. 5
Andy. 2
What they said: We were all shit! See! I can last 90 minutes. I meant to head it! There’s still time to win it…..and there’s time to lose it. It was awful- it was shocking, just absolutely awful. That’s the best I can say about it.
You reffed really well today. He’s 59 – he’s never going to learn. I enjoyed that! That wasn’t a dig mate. Roy did alright today. What??! I’m 34- it’s a vets game. That’s another game we’ve won without Smudge. You boys did alright – I was impressed. You’re the best team we’ve played this season. Do you think we missed Steve Doyle? Crap goal kicks and a hit and hope goal – that’s all it took today. Bloody hell! Was that Roy?!!? Tell Tim if they carry on like that they’ll lose the fixture! Mike’s not one of the better players. Now, that’s why I should be centre forward for the club! I don’t know how I mistook him for Smudge. Don’t worry I’ll lose the paper work. Really!!! Really !!!!!!!!! REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lads :the view from my hotel room. The lads lifted themselves when I turned up. Mitch, Mitch ! Get back!! F**k off Roy! I told you lot- you just need to give me the ball! Are we a 3 or a 4 at the back!!??!! Don’t pass to Mike- he can’t run!
I need to rest my thigh.
2017-18
Played: 32. Won: 15. Lost: 10. Drew: 7. For: 84. Against: 65
( plus the festive inter-club fixture against the Young Vets. )
Pre- Christmas: Played: 16. Won: 9. Lost: 4. Drew: 3. For: 47 Against: 35.
Post-Christmas: Played 16. Won: 6. Lost: 6. Drew: 4. For: 37 Against: 30.
5 clean sheets. 3 before Christmas and 2 after.
(2016-17: Played: 30. Won: 13. Lost: 11. Drew: 6. For:70. Against: 73. 1 clean sheet. )
10 players with over 20 appearances.
7 other players in double figures.
Top Guest: Nathan. 5 appearances.
Top Guest goal scorer: Finchy 3.
Appearances and Goals.
Steve D. 31. 13
Chris. 30. 1
Roy. 28. 7
Mark TK. 26
The Squire. 26. 1
Tonksy. 26. 4
Smudge. 25
Taj. 25. 6
Steve R. 23. 1
John. 21. 1
Paul. 19. 14
Tim. 18
Mike. 17. 17
Baby. 16. 2
Podge. 15. 1
Scholesy. 12. 4
Graham. 11. 4
Mitch. 5
Andy. 2
Crofton. Welling: the end of season showpiece. 17.05.18
2-2. (Paul (pen.), Scholesy.)
Team: Mark, Steve R, Podge, Chris, Smudge, Taj, Tonksy, The Squire, Steve D, Paul, Mike, Steve L, Scholesy, Roy, Tim.
In a Sentence: That’s another fine mess we got ourselves into…. And out of, eventually, kind of.
In a Word: Relief.
Players’ Player. (Chosen by a Steve L.- the returning legend.)
Podge: the heart beat of the team, covered at the back and set up attack after attack- more importantly his multiple personalities didn’t make an appearance. (Yes, very controlled from Podge- despite both Crofton goals resulting from our very avoidable mistakes.)
Mark’s Man/Men: Floodlit football for the Tamps certainly suited the black and pink shirts. Plenty of good shifts all over the park, with excellence from the Squire, Podge, Tonksy and Scholesy.
Paul gets the nod for this game with some nice touches and a vital Chris like penalty, strongly dispatched to the keeper’s left.
Goal of the Game: Scruffy tap in from Scholesy for the equaliser gets a mention but doesn’t even beat the penalty due to the build up play ahead of the award of the spot kick.
Sweeping move down the corridor of uncertainty finding Paul: nice composure and pull back to Steve L, - so good to see a proper technician back in action! Steve was pulled back, hacked and possibly sexually assaulted but still got his shot away which was slapped down by Angry Glen. Penalty firmly struck into the top left corner by Paul.
Top Tackle: With Crofton sitting deep throughout, playing on the break and preying on our mistakes, there wasn’t the necessity for crunching challenges. Good covering work by the usual suspects: Chris, Taj and especially Podge.
However, the key intervention was by Mark storming out of his area to successfully challenge the hulking forward and win the ball cleanly with a stomach block. One of two fine second half saves that made the comeback possible.
OSCDT (Top passing).
We could probably pick out some good cut backs from early on as we created chances and we didn’t take a look at a number of precision passes from our midfield maestros.
However, as ever there is the obvious winner: as he wrote on his son-in- law elect’s Face Book. “ 2-2 draw tonight with Crofton at Welling. 100% pass completion rate- shows I’ve still got it.” Another masterclass Smudge – and with that bad shoulder too!
Moments and Quotes
Errors for both their goals: Steve D’s header setting up their first, the Technician’s (perhaps he was still thinking about his parking dilemma) under hit square ball initiating their second.
Early misses when we could have put the game to bed: Mike in the six yard box, the ball bobbled (??!!!) and Steve D’s header, nodded past the far post. Also Steve R not reading Chris’ superb flick from our twice taken free kick.
Graham the Gaffer’s positive effect: “The players lifted themselves when I arrived”.
Scholesy’s yelp and very restrained celebration after notching the equaliser.
Smudger’s impressive sighing, a key element of the first half- shame he couldn’t complete the shoulder shrugging that would normally go with such questioning despair.
And that, team, seems a very appropriate end note to another Old Tamponian season.
Played: 32. Won: 15. Lost: 10. Drawn: 6. (For: 84. Against: 65.)
Plus the inter- club fixture with the Young Vets.
2016-17. P: 30. Won: 13. Lost: 11. Drawn: 6 (For: 70. Against : 73.)
2-2. (Paul (pen.), Scholesy.)
Team: Mark, Steve R, Podge, Chris, Smudge, Taj, Tonksy, The Squire, Steve D, Paul, Mike, Steve L, Scholesy, Roy, Tim.
In a Sentence: That’s another fine mess we got ourselves into…. And out of, eventually, kind of.
In a Word: Relief.
Players’ Player. (Chosen by a Steve L.- the returning legend.)
Podge: the heart beat of the team, covered at the back and set up attack after attack- more importantly his multiple personalities didn’t make an appearance. (Yes, very controlled from Podge- despite both Crofton goals resulting from our very avoidable mistakes.)
Mark’s Man/Men: Floodlit football for the Tamps certainly suited the black and pink shirts. Plenty of good shifts all over the park, with excellence from the Squire, Podge, Tonksy and Scholesy.
Paul gets the nod for this game with some nice touches and a vital Chris like penalty, strongly dispatched to the keeper’s left.
Goal of the Game: Scruffy tap in from Scholesy for the equaliser gets a mention but doesn’t even beat the penalty due to the build up play ahead of the award of the spot kick.
Sweeping move down the corridor of uncertainty finding Paul: nice composure and pull back to Steve L, - so good to see a proper technician back in action! Steve was pulled back, hacked and possibly sexually assaulted but still got his shot away which was slapped down by Angry Glen. Penalty firmly struck into the top left corner by Paul.
Top Tackle: With Crofton sitting deep throughout, playing on the break and preying on our mistakes, there wasn’t the necessity for crunching challenges. Good covering work by the usual suspects: Chris, Taj and especially Podge.
However, the key intervention was by Mark storming out of his area to successfully challenge the hulking forward and win the ball cleanly with a stomach block. One of two fine second half saves that made the comeback possible.
OSCDT (Top passing).
We could probably pick out some good cut backs from early on as we created chances and we didn’t take a look at a number of precision passes from our midfield maestros.
However, as ever there is the obvious winner: as he wrote on his son-in- law elect’s Face Book. “ 2-2 draw tonight with Crofton at Welling. 100% pass completion rate- shows I’ve still got it.” Another masterclass Smudge – and with that bad shoulder too!
Moments and Quotes
Errors for both their goals: Steve D’s header setting up their first, the Technician’s (perhaps he was still thinking about his parking dilemma) under hit square ball initiating their second.
Early misses when we could have put the game to bed: Mike in the six yard box, the ball bobbled (??!!!) and Steve D’s header, nodded past the far post. Also Steve R not reading Chris’ superb flick from our twice taken free kick.
Graham the Gaffer’s positive effect: “The players lifted themselves when I arrived”.
Scholesy’s yelp and very restrained celebration after notching the equaliser.
Smudger’s impressive sighing, a key element of the first half- shame he couldn’t complete the shoulder shrugging that would normally go with such questioning despair.
And that, team, seems a very appropriate end note to another Old Tamponian season.
Played: 32. Won: 15. Lost: 10. Drawn: 6. (For: 84. Against: 65.)
Plus the inter- club fixture with the Young Vets.
2016-17. P: 30. Won: 13. Lost: 11. Drawn: 6 (For: 70. Against : 73.)
Inter the Valley The Quaggy 13.05.18
6-0. (Taj, Tonksy, Mike (2), Doyley, Baby)
Team: Mark, Steve R, Baby, Chris, Smudge, Taj, John, The Squire, Steve D, Paul, Mike, Roy, Tonksy. (Tim: Ref)
In a Sentence: A good all- round team performance, always in control with six quality goals.
In a Word: Comprehensive.
Players’ Player: (Chosen by Steve R.)
Lots of contenders though Smudge ruled out on the grounds of excessive smugness in the bar! Baby- excellent, he can kick it a long way! Paul- not least for his post match appearance in the bar.
MOM, however: Mike-2 goals, both good finishes and he must have done some other good things!
Roy’s and Mark’s Man/Men: Mark: A delight to watch from the back as the Tamps sprayed the ball around on the hallowed, sorry, harrowed turf. Baby commanding at the back with a fine strike to make it six gets the vote- though all played their part in a welcome win.
Roy: Baby- great goals, sweeping and up front- great goal.
Goal of the Game: Taj – to make it 1-0. Taj and Paul combined down the right playing a sweet 1-2 X 2. Taj then buries it into the far left corner - great team goal.
Top Tackle: Doyley: tackle on Paul in centre midfield; Doyley’s first tackle of the season,
OSCDT: A flowing move: Roy plays it to Smudge who feeds it onto Steve R whose miscontrol off his knee allows Mike to square it to the Squire whose no look first time lofted diagonal invites Doyley to clip it over the keeper into the far corner. (Although the linesman didn’t raise his flag meaning the ref gave the goal, subsequent analysis showed he was offside and therefore the ‘goal’ was not eligible for competition.) Some good assists for the other goals too.
Moments and Quotes.
At last: early goals and all six quality efforts. A fine team move ahead of Mike cutting it back to Tonksy who swept it home. Baby finished the scoring carrying the ball forward, ignoring Doyley in a fine and, unusually, onside position, smacking the ball into the roof of the net when he ran out of puff some 20 yards out.
Mike set up by Paul for his first goal – ball played over the defender for Mike to flick over the advancing keeper and pass the ball into the empty net.
A fine team goal with Tonksy sweeping home with uncharacteristic precision after good interplay down the right and a final pass from Mike.
A strong one on one save by Roy (having taken over between the sticks due to the return of Mark’s food poisoning) to secure a deserved clean sheet.
A fair bit of squandering of good attacking positions – despite or because of the goal rush- with the odd accusation of jug avoidance laid at Mike’s door.
The Squire manages 8(eight) passes directly into touch- still short of Mitch’s record(allegedly!).
Clubman of the Year Elect, Scholesy, gives good support to his teammates- unlike last week.
Good to end the season at home with an excellent performance
6-0. (Taj, Tonksy, Mike (2), Doyley, Baby)
Team: Mark, Steve R, Baby, Chris, Smudge, Taj, John, The Squire, Steve D, Paul, Mike, Roy, Tonksy. (Tim: Ref)
In a Sentence: A good all- round team performance, always in control with six quality goals.
In a Word: Comprehensive.
Players’ Player: (Chosen by Steve R.)
Lots of contenders though Smudge ruled out on the grounds of excessive smugness in the bar! Baby- excellent, he can kick it a long way! Paul- not least for his post match appearance in the bar.
MOM, however: Mike-2 goals, both good finishes and he must have done some other good things!
Roy’s and Mark’s Man/Men: Mark: A delight to watch from the back as the Tamps sprayed the ball around on the hallowed, sorry, harrowed turf. Baby commanding at the back with a fine strike to make it six gets the vote- though all played their part in a welcome win.
Roy: Baby- great goals, sweeping and up front- great goal.
Goal of the Game: Taj – to make it 1-0. Taj and Paul combined down the right playing a sweet 1-2 X 2. Taj then buries it into the far left corner - great team goal.
Top Tackle: Doyley: tackle on Paul in centre midfield; Doyley’s first tackle of the season,
OSCDT: A flowing move: Roy plays it to Smudge who feeds it onto Steve R whose miscontrol off his knee allows Mike to square it to the Squire whose no look first time lofted diagonal invites Doyley to clip it over the keeper into the far corner. (Although the linesman didn’t raise his flag meaning the ref gave the goal, subsequent analysis showed he was offside and therefore the ‘goal’ was not eligible for competition.) Some good assists for the other goals too.
Moments and Quotes.
At last: early goals and all six quality efforts. A fine team move ahead of Mike cutting it back to Tonksy who swept it home. Baby finished the scoring carrying the ball forward, ignoring Doyley in a fine and, unusually, onside position, smacking the ball into the roof of the net when he ran out of puff some 20 yards out.
Mike set up by Paul for his first goal – ball played over the defender for Mike to flick over the advancing keeper and pass the ball into the empty net.
A fine team goal with Tonksy sweeping home with uncharacteristic precision after good interplay down the right and a final pass from Mike.
A strong one on one save by Roy (having taken over between the sticks due to the return of Mark’s food poisoning) to secure a deserved clean sheet.
A fair bit of squandering of good attacking positions – despite or because of the goal rush- with the odd accusation of jug avoidance laid at Mike’s door.
The Squire manages 8(eight) passes directly into touch- still short of Mitch’s record(allegedly!).
Clubman of the Year Elect, Scholesy, gives good support to his teammates- unlike last week.
Good to end the season at home with an excellent performance
Erith 06.05.18. Perry Street: the sloping pitch.
0-1
Team: Mark, Steve R, Taj, Tebbs, Smudge, John, Paul, The Squire, Scholesy, Steve D, Mike, Josh, Tim. ( Subbed
In a Sentence: We provide the oppo with players and end up with the bare 11 and no linesman- and they still play the ‘kid’ in goal: super keeper but needs another 3 decades for Super Vet status.
In a Word: Thwarted.
Players’ Player ( chosen by Tim).
A good performance overall with good football played, probably more fluent in the first half but still threatening in the second half as the game became more stretched. Forced a number of good saves ( Steve D and Paul first half) and one outstanding one (Mike, second half) from their ineligible keeper. Good individual performances from the usual suspects particularly Taj, Steve R, The Squire and Smudge. Tebbs, playing his first game for a few years showed his usual defensive strengths although that fitness needs some work and his heading lacks its normal assurance. Further forward Scholesy -until his unfortunate injury- , Steve D and especially John, Paul and Mike combined to use the ball well- at least a good bit of the time.
Josh arrived late but gave us 30 minutes of non stop running before having to go at half time. Could have done with you after the break Josh!
Clear winner this week : Mark TK several one on one saves thwarting Erith Mark in particular – including standing strong at the near post. Really deserved a clean sheet and had no chance with Mark the Bike’s close range decider,
Mark’s Man/ Men: Another battling performance from the lads although with all my excellent saves the least you buggers up front could do is put the ball in the bloody net!
So I’m breaking with the rules of modesty this week and giving myself the nod. Felt everyone gave their all – even if tiredness was evident in the last 20: Scholesy let us down rushing back to the caravan and not even running the line!
Strike of the Game: Mike, like the rest of us, thought he had equalised with a fierce angled drive that their keeper managed to get to, diving full length and arching to reach and tip the ball over. Breathtaking stuff!
Top Tackle: Tebbs clearly needs a few more games to get back to his bone crunching best, but enjoyed attacking the ball at the strikers’ feet. Taj and Steve R both made well timed strong challenges. However, the best collision- if not tackle – was Tim’s decking of Erith Mark as the latter made the error of pulling Tim’s arm whilst wrestling with his stomachs.
OSCDT: Some good balls forward from Paul to find the forwards – particularly Mike and John but the most notable pass came from their keeper whose goal kicks had more length than even Baby has shown.
Moments and Quotes:
Doyley through on goal hits in cleanly and with power: their keeper makes his first good save standing strong. When you want Doyley to scuff one…..
Great first half chance to Mike – 14 yards out and central: powered over the bar.
Ball drops to Paul -25 yards out – clipped back to the far top corner- again the keeper is agile and quick enough to get back to it and make another good save.
Josh’ cameo was notable as: he didn’t kick anybody and he won the ball cleanly chasing back.
Smudge debuts those orange socks.
We don’t bother to take the balls out of the changing room. What does that say about us- purpose and focus??!!
We learn that the Squire’s hat is for general wear but never on the pitch though often in the bedroom.
Taj doesn’t let his bad back detract from his normal all out approach. Scholesy allows his injury to stop him doing the line –but not driving back to Whitstable.
Chris fails to up date us from the wedding.
Consecutive 0-1 defeats with Mark the Bike scoring the two goals!
BUT :Where was Roy? ( On a stag in Croatia FB later shows us.)
0-1
Team: Mark, Steve R, Taj, Tebbs, Smudge, John, Paul, The Squire, Scholesy, Steve D, Mike, Josh, Tim. ( Subbed
In a Sentence: We provide the oppo with players and end up with the bare 11 and no linesman- and they still play the ‘kid’ in goal: super keeper but needs another 3 decades for Super Vet status.
In a Word: Thwarted.
Players’ Player ( chosen by Tim).
A good performance overall with good football played, probably more fluent in the first half but still threatening in the second half as the game became more stretched. Forced a number of good saves ( Steve D and Paul first half) and one outstanding one (Mike, second half) from their ineligible keeper. Good individual performances from the usual suspects particularly Taj, Steve R, The Squire and Smudge. Tebbs, playing his first game for a few years showed his usual defensive strengths although that fitness needs some work and his heading lacks its normal assurance. Further forward Scholesy -until his unfortunate injury- , Steve D and especially John, Paul and Mike combined to use the ball well- at least a good bit of the time.
Josh arrived late but gave us 30 minutes of non stop running before having to go at half time. Could have done with you after the break Josh!
Clear winner this week : Mark TK several one on one saves thwarting Erith Mark in particular – including standing strong at the near post. Really deserved a clean sheet and had no chance with Mark the Bike’s close range decider,
Mark’s Man/ Men: Another battling performance from the lads although with all my excellent saves the least you buggers up front could do is put the ball in the bloody net!
So I’m breaking with the rules of modesty this week and giving myself the nod. Felt everyone gave their all – even if tiredness was evident in the last 20: Scholesy let us down rushing back to the caravan and not even running the line!
Strike of the Game: Mike, like the rest of us, thought he had equalised with a fierce angled drive that their keeper managed to get to, diving full length and arching to reach and tip the ball over. Breathtaking stuff!
Top Tackle: Tebbs clearly needs a few more games to get back to his bone crunching best, but enjoyed attacking the ball at the strikers’ feet. Taj and Steve R both made well timed strong challenges. However, the best collision- if not tackle – was Tim’s decking of Erith Mark as the latter made the error of pulling Tim’s arm whilst wrestling with his stomachs.
OSCDT: Some good balls forward from Paul to find the forwards – particularly Mike and John but the most notable pass came from their keeper whose goal kicks had more length than even Baby has shown.
Moments and Quotes:
Doyley through on goal hits in cleanly and with power: their keeper makes his first good save standing strong. When you want Doyley to scuff one…..
Great first half chance to Mike – 14 yards out and central: powered over the bar.
Ball drops to Paul -25 yards out – clipped back to the far top corner- again the keeper is agile and quick enough to get back to it and make another good save.
Josh’ cameo was notable as: he didn’t kick anybody and he won the ball cleanly chasing back.
Smudge debuts those orange socks.
We don’t bother to take the balls out of the changing room. What does that say about us- purpose and focus??!!
We learn that the Squire’s hat is for general wear but never on the pitch though often in the bedroom.
Taj doesn’t let his bad back detract from his normal all out approach. Scholesy allows his injury to stop him doing the line –but not driving back to Whitstable.
Chris fails to up date us from the wedding.
Consecutive 0-1 defeats with Mark the Bike scoring the two goals!
BUT :Where was Roy? ( On a stag in Croatia FB later shows us.)
Avery Hill. 29.04.18. Tennis Court Pitch
0 -1 Mark the Bike finishes with precision – and slight embarrassment.
Team: Mark, Chris, Podge, Steve R, Taj, John, The Squire, Tonksy, Steve D, Paul, Mike, Scholesy, Roy. ( Tim: Ref.)
In a Sentence: If you make basic mistakes and don’t take your chances then even the moderate sides punish you.
In a Word: Frustration
Players’ Player: Any of the Furies can be considered and not just because of their anger: Roy did more than look for a fight, Paul more than just swear at the ref whilst Podge as well as having a game long Tourette’s attack was both strong in defence and when redeployed in midfield. More seriously Mark, between the sticks after unheard of consecutive absences made a spectacular save from Grant diving full length to get a strong left hand to a well placed and well struck drive and was able to recover from a fumble to ensure Josh’s amusing humiliation.
Tonksy, John and Mike worked tirelessly. The Squire pulled himself off for too long, Chris and Steve R continued their good form in defence but getting the edge both for excellent play and being a voice of reason on the pitch, Taj is the Players’ Player this week.
Mark’s Man/Men : A disappointing result but a pleasing performance with good midfield running from John and Tonksy and strong defensive duties from the Back 3- or was it Back 4? The old onion bag will bulge next time out!
Save of the Game: Mark’s super leaping dive to push out the screamer from Grant.
Top Tackle: Chris’ cuddle with Josh- they have known each other for a long time.
OSCDT: Podger’s wonderful pass – Souness like- and therefore similar to Smudge- fizzed two inches above the grass diagonally out to the right for John to run on to.
Moments and Quotes.
Fortunately not all the Avery Hill players could finish like Mark TB: Stuart got carried away when in the clear with Lynton, to say he didn’t quite connect as he would have wished means we all enjoyed a giggle. Josh on the other hand provided Comedy Gold failing to score from close range inexplicably clearing the cross bar with his final effort from a yard out.
Roy and Grant give the other 20 players a rest with a sustained disagreement that moved from verbals and handbags to serious squaring up until the much put upon ref used his bulk to move Grant away.
‘Are we a 3 or a 4 at he back?’- Dissent, confusion, disbelief -or all 3 – when Roy came on as a straight swap for Steve R.
Sergeant Wilson steps up to lead at half time- his strategy involving keeping himself off for the whole of the second half and giving Stevie D the full 90 to regain his form.
Strong save at the near post from Mike by Young Dan the AH keeper and he did well to keep his clean sheet at the death as Steve D had two goes at snatching the equaliser we might have deserved.
‘Really?!!’ ‘REALLY!!!!?!!??!!’ ‘REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!’, Podge expresses some doubts regarding Tim’s reffing.
‘ Play on- you’ve got the ball’. Tim’s regular response.
If only….. we had somebody attacking the 6 yard box when we had a couple of great balls in.
0 -1 Mark the Bike finishes with precision – and slight embarrassment.
Team: Mark, Chris, Podge, Steve R, Taj, John, The Squire, Tonksy, Steve D, Paul, Mike, Scholesy, Roy. ( Tim: Ref.)
In a Sentence: If you make basic mistakes and don’t take your chances then even the moderate sides punish you.
In a Word: Frustration
Players’ Player: Any of the Furies can be considered and not just because of their anger: Roy did more than look for a fight, Paul more than just swear at the ref whilst Podge as well as having a game long Tourette’s attack was both strong in defence and when redeployed in midfield. More seriously Mark, between the sticks after unheard of consecutive absences made a spectacular save from Grant diving full length to get a strong left hand to a well placed and well struck drive and was able to recover from a fumble to ensure Josh’s amusing humiliation.
Tonksy, John and Mike worked tirelessly. The Squire pulled himself off for too long, Chris and Steve R continued their good form in defence but getting the edge both for excellent play and being a voice of reason on the pitch, Taj is the Players’ Player this week.
Mark’s Man/Men : A disappointing result but a pleasing performance with good midfield running from John and Tonksy and strong defensive duties from the Back 3- or was it Back 4? The old onion bag will bulge next time out!
Save of the Game: Mark’s super leaping dive to push out the screamer from Grant.
Top Tackle: Chris’ cuddle with Josh- they have known each other for a long time.
OSCDT: Podger’s wonderful pass – Souness like- and therefore similar to Smudge- fizzed two inches above the grass diagonally out to the right for John to run on to.
Moments and Quotes.
Fortunately not all the Avery Hill players could finish like Mark TB: Stuart got carried away when in the clear with Lynton, to say he didn’t quite connect as he would have wished means we all enjoyed a giggle. Josh on the other hand provided Comedy Gold failing to score from close range inexplicably clearing the cross bar with his final effort from a yard out.
Roy and Grant give the other 20 players a rest with a sustained disagreement that moved from verbals and handbags to serious squaring up until the much put upon ref used his bulk to move Grant away.
‘Are we a 3 or a 4 at he back?’- Dissent, confusion, disbelief -or all 3 – when Roy came on as a straight swap for Steve R.
Sergeant Wilson steps up to lead at half time- his strategy involving keeping himself off for the whole of the second half and giving Stevie D the full 90 to regain his form.
Strong save at the near post from Mike by Young Dan the AH keeper and he did well to keep his clean sheet at the death as Steve D had two goes at snatching the equaliser we might have deserved.
‘Really?!!’ ‘REALLY!!!!?!!??!!’ ‘REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!’, Podge expresses some doubts regarding Tim’s reffing.
‘ Play on- you’ve got the ball’. Tim’s regular response.
If only….. we had somebody attacking the 6 yard box when we had a couple of great balls in.
Ashburnham Arms Home: Tennis Court Pitch. 15.04.18.
3-3. ( Tonksy (2), Scholesy)
Team: Roy, Chris, Baby, Steve R, John, Tonksy, The Squire, Podge, Taj, Steve D, Paul, Smudge, Scholesy. Subbed: All except Roy – with Smudge doing an extra 15 off.
Officials : Tim : Ref, Mark : Lino. (Failed pre -match vision test- dodgy new contacts.)
In a Sentence : Classic Tamps: some great football to score first two goals and to restore lead backed with sloppy work to concede soft goals including the injury time equaliser.
In a Word : Wasteful.
Players’ Player- chosen by Steve R.
The obvious choice would be Tonksy for his two excellent goals – and the striking miss- but when will he learn that football is about more than that! No appearance in the bar and no birthday jug! Apparently lunch in the Ivy ( do they know about this down at the New Den??!! ) is more important than being with his mates- snob! Other contenders : Baby and Chris- excellent at the back , solid from Taj and John with the latter making some excellent runs in the first half. However, the sympathy vote goes to Scholesy for his goal and his work rate. Editor’s note: Steve R’s modesty precludes him from mentioning his good self but he is playing strongly at the moment- at least 3 good games in a row!
Mark’s Man/Men : A bird’s eye view from the line provided extra scrutiny of the Tamps outfield players; the Tonksy brace secures the honours this week.
Goal of the Game: Scholesy writes: Good ball form Podge, controlled it, hit it- goal! Warm weather training paid off.
After a period of sustained pressure – that included a glaring miss from Tonksy- we kept the ball around the box until Podge fed Scholesy who looked up and stroked the ball into the top corner- just as if he meant it- giving the keeper no chance. Excellent but not quite in the same bracket as his blast against Crofton?
Top Tackle: Baby read the game so well and therefore didn’t need to make one!
OSCDT: Paul setting John away down the right, perfectly angled and paced for him to collect at speed , steam away from the full back and cut it back for Tonksy to pass into the net- good stuff.
Moments and Quotes:
Jug avoidance of the most blatant sort by Tonksy- given the opportunity to secure the win and some 8 yards out ( by his own account) he smacked high into the trees strongly suggesting there were elements of good fortune to both those two , seemingly assured first half strikes.
Tonsky’ first goal: Paul, taking our corner points out to Tim that both Chris and Taj need to make a move as he delivers the ball- despite a good delivery they’re too far out to attack it but the Ashburnham clearance isn’t effective and the ball drops to the Technician who -from outside the area- smashes it into the roof of the net. His second came a few minutes later. The miss came in the second half.
The Squire resists the temptation to scythe down their super quick quality ‘youngster’ – excellent if uncharacteristic restraint- or perhaps he ( like the rest of the team) couldn’t get close enough!
Scholesy after he scored: ‘I told you lot – you just need to give me the ball!’
‘ Go near post!’ Steve D instructs Podge and then follows him there as Paul clips the perfect ball beyond the keeper and defenders to the back stick. Podge gently expressed his annoyance.
Smudge shows some sympathy with the oppo after our two goal blast, calling for the hamstrung Roy to dash out rather than smacking the ball clear following a non threatening long throw. Lost the ball in the midfield for their second too. First game back after persistent illness excuses these aberrations.
Barry’s injury time equaliser is especially frustrating- not just because it’s Barry or because of the poor defence it involved too many attracted to the ball leaving Bazza unmarked but because Roy had made a great save minutes before standing strong to parry away the close range blast.
And Tonks must score!
3-3. ( Tonksy (2), Scholesy)
Team: Roy, Chris, Baby, Steve R, John, Tonksy, The Squire, Podge, Taj, Steve D, Paul, Smudge, Scholesy. Subbed: All except Roy – with Smudge doing an extra 15 off.
Officials : Tim : Ref, Mark : Lino. (Failed pre -match vision test- dodgy new contacts.)
In a Sentence : Classic Tamps: some great football to score first two goals and to restore lead backed with sloppy work to concede soft goals including the injury time equaliser.
In a Word : Wasteful.
Players’ Player- chosen by Steve R.
The obvious choice would be Tonksy for his two excellent goals – and the striking miss- but when will he learn that football is about more than that! No appearance in the bar and no birthday jug! Apparently lunch in the Ivy ( do they know about this down at the New Den??!! ) is more important than being with his mates- snob! Other contenders : Baby and Chris- excellent at the back , solid from Taj and John with the latter making some excellent runs in the first half. However, the sympathy vote goes to Scholesy for his goal and his work rate. Editor’s note: Steve R’s modesty precludes him from mentioning his good self but he is playing strongly at the moment- at least 3 good games in a row!
Mark’s Man/Men : A bird’s eye view from the line provided extra scrutiny of the Tamps outfield players; the Tonksy brace secures the honours this week.
Goal of the Game: Scholesy writes: Good ball form Podge, controlled it, hit it- goal! Warm weather training paid off.
After a period of sustained pressure – that included a glaring miss from Tonksy- we kept the ball around the box until Podge fed Scholesy who looked up and stroked the ball into the top corner- just as if he meant it- giving the keeper no chance. Excellent but not quite in the same bracket as his blast against Crofton?
Top Tackle: Baby read the game so well and therefore didn’t need to make one!
OSCDT: Paul setting John away down the right, perfectly angled and paced for him to collect at speed , steam away from the full back and cut it back for Tonksy to pass into the net- good stuff.
Moments and Quotes:
Jug avoidance of the most blatant sort by Tonksy- given the opportunity to secure the win and some 8 yards out ( by his own account) he smacked high into the trees strongly suggesting there were elements of good fortune to both those two , seemingly assured first half strikes.
Tonsky’ first goal: Paul, taking our corner points out to Tim that both Chris and Taj need to make a move as he delivers the ball- despite a good delivery they’re too far out to attack it but the Ashburnham clearance isn’t effective and the ball drops to the Technician who -from outside the area- smashes it into the roof of the net. His second came a few minutes later. The miss came in the second half.
The Squire resists the temptation to scythe down their super quick quality ‘youngster’ – excellent if uncharacteristic restraint- or perhaps he ( like the rest of the team) couldn’t get close enough!
Scholesy after he scored: ‘I told you lot – you just need to give me the ball!’
‘ Go near post!’ Steve D instructs Podge and then follows him there as Paul clips the perfect ball beyond the keeper and defenders to the back stick. Podge gently expressed his annoyance.
Smudge shows some sympathy with the oppo after our two goal blast, calling for the hamstrung Roy to dash out rather than smacking the ball clear following a non threatening long throw. Lost the ball in the midfield for their second too. First game back after persistent illness excuses these aberrations.
Barry’s injury time equaliser is especially frustrating- not just because it’s Barry or because of the poor defence it involved too many attracted to the ball leaving Bazza unmarked but because Roy had made a great save minutes before standing strong to parry away the close range blast.
And Tonks must score!
The Ghost Fixture. Erith Away.
08.04.2018. 0-2
Team: Mark, Chris, Baby, Steve R, John, Podge, Tonksy, The Squire, Nathan, Steve D, Mike, Jack, Tim
Subs: Jack, Nathan, Steve D, Tim (unused).
In a Sentence: As the ref said : ‘That should have been 2-2.’
In a Word: Frustrating.
Player’s Player: At least good performances by all and especially by most in midfield and defence. Some quick covering by Mark and an outstanding save diving full length to his right to reach up and palm the ball round the post- perhaps matching the ‘West Farleigh Wonder’- ensured it was 0-0 at halftime. No chance with the two late strikes. Chris, Baby and Steve R until the final 5 looked in strong control. John surged back to form on the right whilst also keeping a check on their 23 year old. Tonksy, the Squire, Podge, tenaciously supported by Nathan- now getting tantalisingly close to match fitness on his latest guest appearance- bossed the midfield causing Erith to rely even more on their long ball game.
Up front we combined well at times. Mike hit the post in the first half and we created a series of good opportunities in the second with Steve D, Mike and Jack opening up their defence and John getting round the back.However, their young keeper countered with some very good stops whilst our finishing also let us down.
A hard choice then – if John had taken one of those chances he’d possibly get the nod but this week Podge gets the selection: good throughout the game and exceptional when being booked for presenting a cogent argument when questioning the ref and told that it would cost him a £13.50 fine.
Mark’s Men: Disappointment all round with the result after some flowing football and being in control for long periods; strong engines from the Squire, Tonksy and Podge Senior.
Top Tackle: Great blocks from Chris and Baby in the first half, contributing to Mick, their speedy centre forward’s frustration.
OSCDT: Laid low by a persistent bug and despite looking for a radical remedy- the usual 12 pints plus on a day trip to Northampton – Smudge was unable to grace one of his favourite fixtures- although he did get off his sick bed to bring down his shirts. As a result our passing had to be more conservative although we used the ball well all game – at least until we got close to the box. An honourable mention to Jack for demonstrating the strength of 3 touch Thursdays : chest, right foot left foot setting up Mike……soon, Mike soon.
Moments and Quotes.
Mark’s first half save is definitely worth another mention.
‘Don’t worry- I’ll lose the paper work.’ Ref Chris presumably de- books Podge after the game.
Steve R ensures Spring is with us by raising the possibility of a tour- to play some over 50 sides. ( They never are, Steve, they never are.)
Roy shows some interesting thinking about our play and vocalising this leading to Baby requesting at least twice that he be quiet.
‘Mike’s not one of our better players.’ Roy again when Tim has explained why he won’t take Mike off as Roy has suggested.
Fine save from their keeper getting his leg up to divert Mike’s fierce strike over the bar.
Nathan shows his fitness subbing himself and going off the pitch before Jack can get his sweatshirt off.
The post match excitement of Steve R’s missing valuables: turned out Tonksy had commandeered the keys to the Aston.
We really have to stop being offside so often at Wellcome and Erith.
Perhaps they’ve been impressed by our football or heard we’re a good bunch- or they may not have many fixtures: Bird in Hand Vets request some games for next season. (Paul: 07494502338.)
08.04.2018. 0-2
Team: Mark, Chris, Baby, Steve R, John, Podge, Tonksy, The Squire, Nathan, Steve D, Mike, Jack, Tim
Subs: Jack, Nathan, Steve D, Tim (unused).
In a Sentence: As the ref said : ‘That should have been 2-2.’
In a Word: Frustrating.
Player’s Player: At least good performances by all and especially by most in midfield and defence. Some quick covering by Mark and an outstanding save diving full length to his right to reach up and palm the ball round the post- perhaps matching the ‘West Farleigh Wonder’- ensured it was 0-0 at halftime. No chance with the two late strikes. Chris, Baby and Steve R until the final 5 looked in strong control. John surged back to form on the right whilst also keeping a check on their 23 year old. Tonksy, the Squire, Podge, tenaciously supported by Nathan- now getting tantalisingly close to match fitness on his latest guest appearance- bossed the midfield causing Erith to rely even more on their long ball game.
Up front we combined well at times. Mike hit the post in the first half and we created a series of good opportunities in the second with Steve D, Mike and Jack opening up their defence and John getting round the back.However, their young keeper countered with some very good stops whilst our finishing also let us down.
A hard choice then – if John had taken one of those chances he’d possibly get the nod but this week Podge gets the selection: good throughout the game and exceptional when being booked for presenting a cogent argument when questioning the ref and told that it would cost him a £13.50 fine.
Mark’s Men: Disappointment all round with the result after some flowing football and being in control for long periods; strong engines from the Squire, Tonksy and Podge Senior.
Top Tackle: Great blocks from Chris and Baby in the first half, contributing to Mick, their speedy centre forward’s frustration.
OSCDT: Laid low by a persistent bug and despite looking for a radical remedy- the usual 12 pints plus on a day trip to Northampton – Smudge was unable to grace one of his favourite fixtures- although he did get off his sick bed to bring down his shirts. As a result our passing had to be more conservative although we used the ball well all game – at least until we got close to the box. An honourable mention to Jack for demonstrating the strength of 3 touch Thursdays : chest, right foot left foot setting up Mike……soon, Mike soon.
Moments and Quotes.
Mark’s first half save is definitely worth another mention.
‘Don’t worry- I’ll lose the paper work.’ Ref Chris presumably de- books Podge after the game.
Steve R ensures Spring is with us by raising the possibility of a tour- to play some over 50 sides. ( They never are, Steve, they never are.)
Roy shows some interesting thinking about our play and vocalising this leading to Baby requesting at least twice that he be quiet.
‘Mike’s not one of our better players.’ Roy again when Tim has explained why he won’t take Mike off as Roy has suggested.
Fine save from their keeper getting his leg up to divert Mike’s fierce strike over the bar.
Nathan shows his fitness subbing himself and going off the pitch before Jack can get his sweatshirt off.
The post match excitement of Steve R’s missing valuables: turned out Tonksy had commandeered the keys to the Aston.
We really have to stop being offside so often at Wellcome and Erith.
Perhaps they’ve been impressed by our football or heard we’re a good bunch- or they may not have many fixtures: Bird in Hand Vets request some games for next season. (Paul: 07494502338.)
Inter Viagra. Samuel Montagu Astro Turf. 01.04.18
Draw: 1-1. ( Steve D.)
Team: Matt, Chris, Finchy, Steve R, John, Taj, Smudge, Podge, Roy, Steve D, Mike, Tonksy,Baby.
Tim (Ref.)
Subs: Tonksy, Baby, Mike, Finchy, Roy, Chris.
Matt’s Man: In Mark’s absence we brought in a ringer, Steve R scouring his workforce and finding someone who had played in proper football matches, was under 40 but (despite a suspicious looking tan) looked older and was prepared to buy a new pair of gloves. However, although he clearly knew what he was talking about and doing on the pitch in the bar his judgement seemed questionable. Not selecting his employer as man of the match (and,surprisingly, he was a strong candidate) was bold but this meritorious lack of sycophancy was somewhat undermined by the selection of Chris as the outstanding player. We assume that on hearing his nickname D I Chris Matt felt it wise to keep on the good side of such a high ranking law enforcement officer. If he’d been more astute he’d have seen the link to Whitty’s Wheels and failing that could have seen the significance of Smudge bringing the injured Finchy back on to save Chris the last 20.
Top Twang: Rather than looking for top tackle we’re going for best injury, various muscle strains disrupting our play and team balance. Mike was first to go but had made a good effort at running it off before succumbing to the inevitable on his long awaited return to the side. Finchy possibly suffering from a hugely delayed reaction to that leg swing at Wellcome was next to go but like Mike gave it another go in the second half. This leaves Roy as the winner: sprinting back yet again to support what he clearly regarded as a hapless defence and of course, yet again saving the day, the hamstring suffered and our gallant DJ and Love Machine was left over the byline prone and in evident ( unless it was some sort of post coital flashback, which would explain the noises and facial contortions) pain. Ever the team man ahead of the next fixture he declared himself unfit for a couple of weeks (Remember Roy, don’t set limits)so that he could be ready for the Avery Hill game.
Players’ Player: As indicated above Steve R had an excellent game and would be a worthy choice . However, other defenders performed strongly: Baby and Finchy looked assured although the former conceded the penalty that brought the equaliser and despite being a ‘Young Vet’ Finchy couldn’t get through the whole match. Podge was excellent box to box and kept outbursts to a minimum whilst Tonksy showed why he’s known as the Technician – deft touches, neat turns and (largely) sensible passes. Smudge relished the holding role and even got close to the edge of their box a couple of time without being giddy. John another player returning to the side ( holiday in Madrid- no football involved) ensured he was very familiar with the right touchline. Taj played in several positions- as usual perhaps, but this time because injuries meant he was required to. Steve D scored.
Good performances by most but without Matt and a couple of great saves- particularly from the close ranger bullet header- we wouldn’t have secured the draw. He also ensured that we played out from the back and looked pretty good for quite long spells of the match.
OSCDT: As this is being written a little after the game it is clear that Smudge stroked a fine array of passes to all team mates. ‘Twas ever thus
Goal of the Game: Hmmmmm. Steve D: great run and shot by Podge with Doyley in the right place to tuck it home after a good save by their keeper.
Moments and Quotes: Tim as ref receiving mixed help from his linesmen: Mike being very clear that it was a penalty- the Ref thought the attacker turned into Baby ( BTW Matt didn’t do much to try to save the pen.) Chris raising his flag with several players in offside positions but not the one who was chasing the ball. ( Matt would have got their first anyway.)
The first half may have been a little shorter than it should have been.
John uncharacteristically showing some annoyance that he wasn’t receiving the ball when he wanted it.
Yet another ‘ turning on the after burners’ moments from Smudge as the oppo broke forward following our characteristic loss of possession.
Thoughtful post match discussion on the best way to roast lamb.
Later in the afternoon Spurs beat Chelsea at the Bridge for the first time in 28 years.What next: Liverpool dismantling City to get to the semifinals of the Champions’ League?!
Draw: 1-1. ( Steve D.)
Team: Matt, Chris, Finchy, Steve R, John, Taj, Smudge, Podge, Roy, Steve D, Mike, Tonksy,Baby.
Tim (Ref.)
Subs: Tonksy, Baby, Mike, Finchy, Roy, Chris.
Matt’s Man: In Mark’s absence we brought in a ringer, Steve R scouring his workforce and finding someone who had played in proper football matches, was under 40 but (despite a suspicious looking tan) looked older and was prepared to buy a new pair of gloves. However, although he clearly knew what he was talking about and doing on the pitch in the bar his judgement seemed questionable. Not selecting his employer as man of the match (and,surprisingly, he was a strong candidate) was bold but this meritorious lack of sycophancy was somewhat undermined by the selection of Chris as the outstanding player. We assume that on hearing his nickname D I Chris Matt felt it wise to keep on the good side of such a high ranking law enforcement officer. If he’d been more astute he’d have seen the link to Whitty’s Wheels and failing that could have seen the significance of Smudge bringing the injured Finchy back on to save Chris the last 20.
Top Twang: Rather than looking for top tackle we’re going for best injury, various muscle strains disrupting our play and team balance. Mike was first to go but had made a good effort at running it off before succumbing to the inevitable on his long awaited return to the side. Finchy possibly suffering from a hugely delayed reaction to that leg swing at Wellcome was next to go but like Mike gave it another go in the second half. This leaves Roy as the winner: sprinting back yet again to support what he clearly regarded as a hapless defence and of course, yet again saving the day, the hamstring suffered and our gallant DJ and Love Machine was left over the byline prone and in evident ( unless it was some sort of post coital flashback, which would explain the noises and facial contortions) pain. Ever the team man ahead of the next fixture he declared himself unfit for a couple of weeks (Remember Roy, don’t set limits)so that he could be ready for the Avery Hill game.
Players’ Player: As indicated above Steve R had an excellent game and would be a worthy choice . However, other defenders performed strongly: Baby and Finchy looked assured although the former conceded the penalty that brought the equaliser and despite being a ‘Young Vet’ Finchy couldn’t get through the whole match. Podge was excellent box to box and kept outbursts to a minimum whilst Tonksy showed why he’s known as the Technician – deft touches, neat turns and (largely) sensible passes. Smudge relished the holding role and even got close to the edge of their box a couple of time without being giddy. John another player returning to the side ( holiday in Madrid- no football involved) ensured he was very familiar with the right touchline. Taj played in several positions- as usual perhaps, but this time because injuries meant he was required to. Steve D scored.
Good performances by most but without Matt and a couple of great saves- particularly from the close ranger bullet header- we wouldn’t have secured the draw. He also ensured that we played out from the back and looked pretty good for quite long spells of the match.
OSCDT: As this is being written a little after the game it is clear that Smudge stroked a fine array of passes to all team mates. ‘Twas ever thus
Goal of the Game: Hmmmmm. Steve D: great run and shot by Podge with Doyley in the right place to tuck it home after a good save by their keeper.
Moments and Quotes: Tim as ref receiving mixed help from his linesmen: Mike being very clear that it was a penalty- the Ref thought the attacker turned into Baby ( BTW Matt didn’t do much to try to save the pen.) Chris raising his flag with several players in offside positions but not the one who was chasing the ball. ( Matt would have got their first anyway.)
The first half may have been a little shorter than it should have been.
John uncharacteristically showing some annoyance that he wasn’t receiving the ball when he wanted it.
Yet another ‘ turning on the after burners’ moments from Smudge as the oppo broke forward following our characteristic loss of possession.
Thoughtful post match discussion on the best way to roast lamb.
Later in the afternoon Spurs beat Chelsea at the Bridge for the first time in 28 years.What next: Liverpool dismantling City to get to the semifinals of the Champions’ League?!
Crofton Home 25.03.18
Lost 2-3
Team: Mark, Steve R, Chris, Baby, Mitch, Taj, Smudge, Paul, Scholesy, Steve D, Mike, Roy. Tim (Lino – unused).
Subs: Roy (medicinal), Steve D, Steve R, Mitch.
Whilst there are some good moments that could be recorded: Paul’s equaliser, perfectly flighted from distance and Doyley’s late header getting us back into the game after some excellent saves from Mark and some poor Crofton finishing had kept us alive- and some bad moments- the deserved nature of this defeat leads to the first Old Tamponian haiku * match report.
A Bleak Sunday.
Crofton yet again
A man fell strikingly to earth
The better side won.
*A haiku is a 3 lined Japanese poem – with lines of 5,7 and 5 syllables.
Man of the Match: Any of our regulars who were wisely absent: Podge, the Squire, Tonksy and John. The Squire just edges it for wishing us luck and sending us a photo of the view from his hotel in Nice. Of those on the pitch despite some responsibility for their second goal Mark did really well to ensure that we were not (quite) totally humiliated.
Lost 2-3
Team: Mark, Steve R, Chris, Baby, Mitch, Taj, Smudge, Paul, Scholesy, Steve D, Mike, Roy. Tim (Lino – unused).
Subs: Roy (medicinal), Steve D, Steve R, Mitch.
Whilst there are some good moments that could be recorded: Paul’s equaliser, perfectly flighted from distance and Doyley’s late header getting us back into the game after some excellent saves from Mark and some poor Crofton finishing had kept us alive- and some bad moments- the deserved nature of this defeat leads to the first Old Tamponian haiku * match report.
A Bleak Sunday.
Crofton yet again
A man fell strikingly to earth
The better side won.
*A haiku is a 3 lined Japanese poem – with lines of 5,7 and 5 syllables.
Man of the Match: Any of our regulars who were wisely absent: Podge, the Squire, Tonksy and John. The Squire just edges it for wishing us luck and sending us a photo of the view from his hotel in Nice. Of those on the pitch despite some responsibility for their second goal Mark did really well to ensure that we were not (quite) totally humiliated.
Sanco v Old Tamp 25/02/2018
Result lost 2-1
Team: Mark, Steve R, Smudge, Chris, Baby, Squire, Tonksy, lovely John, Nathan, Taj, paper Doyley sub -The late Roy
Match report
Poor availability and then a dire weather forecast put this fixture in jeopardy. Conditions were bracing but in reality the beast from the East (Taj) arrived without fanfare. The pitch however appeared to have hosted the horse of the year show earlier in the morning but on the positive side Sanco had a couple less youngsters than when they thrashed us earlier in the season. First half saw us dominate possession and fashion some excellent chances with both Nathan and Baby hitting venomous long range efforts against the underside of the crossbar. A splendid cross from Tonksy and a fine header from Taj was thwarted by a fantastic goal line save from their 30 year old keeper. They had rarely threatened in the half apart from the games highlight- Smudge attempted a ‘Smudge turn’ only to be felled by one or more of
c) His bootlaces having been tied together
or
d) a theatrical reprise of ‘play it cool trigger’
the attack was repelled before we could all turn out attentions (and enjoyment) to Smudger’s misfortune. Like many great comedians before him Smudge had suffered for his art and fallen heavily on his drinking shoulder. We fully deserved to be easily ahead by half time but then calamity fell- a Hollywood pass across our box by Smudge (see quotes) fell to one of their players who hit a tame shot from 25 yards – as Mark waited to collect the shot one of their younger players nipped in and diverted the ball into the net and 0-1 at the break.
The second half saw a very brief 5 minute cameo from Nathan before he did a Scholesy and limped off to be replaced by the limping Smudge- up the hill and against the wind we struggled for 10- 15 minutes but then began to find our passing game before disaster struck again. A Sanco corner was not properly cleared and fell to the edge of the area where it was lobbed optimistically goalwards. Mark was caught in two minds whether to catch or push over the bar. In hindsight option three (to ignore the ball altogether) was incorrect and we were 2-0 down – we continued to play excellent football and received some consolation with 5 minutes to go – A throw in from ‘the late’ Roy to Taj who bullied his way into the area and a neat finish but all alas too late.
In a sentence
An excellent team performance and we deserved much better.
Man of the match
Some truly excellent performances- Stoic from Smudge, Squire and Tonksy controlled the midfield, the lovely John was always an outlet and kept the young left back (who caused so many problems in the earlier game) quiet. However my Man of the match was Baby – excellent at the back, kept the youthful forward under wraps, the rasping shot and capped a fine morning by buying a round of drinks in the bar!
Goal of the game
Obviously the Beast from the East himself
Quotes
You can get there Mick- I know but I don’t want to , I’m knackered!
Smudge on their first goal- It was a class footballer passing to a fat git! (although it is unclear as to which of his fellow defenders he was referring to)
Steve Rogers
Result lost 2-1
Team: Mark, Steve R, Smudge, Chris, Baby, Squire, Tonksy, lovely John, Nathan, Taj, paper Doyley sub -The late Roy
Match report
Poor availability and then a dire weather forecast put this fixture in jeopardy. Conditions were bracing but in reality the beast from the East (Taj) arrived without fanfare. The pitch however appeared to have hosted the horse of the year show earlier in the morning but on the positive side Sanco had a couple less youngsters than when they thrashed us earlier in the season. First half saw us dominate possession and fashion some excellent chances with both Nathan and Baby hitting venomous long range efforts against the underside of the crossbar. A splendid cross from Tonksy and a fine header from Taj was thwarted by a fantastic goal line save from their 30 year old keeper. They had rarely threatened in the half apart from the games highlight- Smudge attempted a ‘Smudge turn’ only to be felled by one or more of
- A sniper on the grassy knoll
c) His bootlaces having been tied together
or
d) a theatrical reprise of ‘play it cool trigger’
the attack was repelled before we could all turn out attentions (and enjoyment) to Smudger’s misfortune. Like many great comedians before him Smudge had suffered for his art and fallen heavily on his drinking shoulder. We fully deserved to be easily ahead by half time but then calamity fell- a Hollywood pass across our box by Smudge (see quotes) fell to one of their players who hit a tame shot from 25 yards – as Mark waited to collect the shot one of their younger players nipped in and diverted the ball into the net and 0-1 at the break.
The second half saw a very brief 5 minute cameo from Nathan before he did a Scholesy and limped off to be replaced by the limping Smudge- up the hill and against the wind we struggled for 10- 15 minutes but then began to find our passing game before disaster struck again. A Sanco corner was not properly cleared and fell to the edge of the area where it was lobbed optimistically goalwards. Mark was caught in two minds whether to catch or push over the bar. In hindsight option three (to ignore the ball altogether) was incorrect and we were 2-0 down – we continued to play excellent football and received some consolation with 5 minutes to go – A throw in from ‘the late’ Roy to Taj who bullied his way into the area and a neat finish but all alas too late.
In a sentence
An excellent team performance and we deserved much better.
Man of the match
Some truly excellent performances- Stoic from Smudge, Squire and Tonksy controlled the midfield, the lovely John was always an outlet and kept the young left back (who caused so many problems in the earlier game) quiet. However my Man of the match was Baby – excellent at the back, kept the youthful forward under wraps, the rasping shot and capped a fine morning by buying a round of drinks in the bar!
Goal of the game
Obviously the Beast from the East himself
Quotes
You can get there Mick- I know but I don’t want to , I’m knackered!
Smudge on their first goal- It was a class footballer passing to a fat git! (although it is unclear as to which of his fellow defenders he was referring to)
Steve Rogers
Ashburnham Arms Away. 18.02.2018.
3-2 ( Finchy, Roy, Taj.)
Mark, Steve R, Matt, Finchy, Smudge, John, Tonksy, The Squire, Cee, Roy, Paul, Chris, Taj. Tim (Lino).
Subbed: Every outfield player off for 15 minutes.
In a sentence: It wasn’t all plain sailing. Alternatively : Shite! Shite! Shite! Shite! It was shite! (Thoughtful analysis by the soon to be Iron Man, Good Graham).
In a word: Laboured
Players’ player: chosen by Steve R : A well nourished Chris cruised through the game,kept the ball on the deck and the team afloat, steering us to victory when others had headed off course. However, his turning circle left much to be desired leaving him adrift for the Ash’s late goal.
Therefore my MOM is Smudger for a relatively assured performance and in particular for heading off early to the bar to get the beers in – and to cement it has just gone to buy the second round!! ( Steve R knows what’s important in football.)
Mick’s Man/Men: ( The Squire selects in Mark’s post match absence.) At this point I need to state I just type up what others write :
Johnny was the man without doubt- lots of energy; sometimes offside, but very lovely and made lots of tackles. Well done John!
Goal of the Game: The Squire was brutally pushed over very roughly in our area and a quick free kick swept the ball through our midfield via Smudge, Chris and John whose second assist was tucked away by Taj. It’s a simple game!
Top Tackle: It wasn’t that sort of game. The obvious winner should have been Matt for a fine first half challenge- but Treacle Steve the ref adjudged it a foul- one of only several inexplicable decisions. Smudge gets a slight mention for another of his drag and pirouette steals, taking the ball and avoiding any threatening contact.
OSCDT: Paul’s corners and the odd free kick created opportunities that we generally chose to ignore- although Finchy managed to nod one over the line.
The Squire headed firmly back to Mark to snuff out danger- or, in the minds of the rest of us create danger as we worried if Mark would catch it- of course he did and pulled off a couple of testing important second half saves.
Moments and Quotes:
‘Do you think we missed Steve Doyle?’ Some questions are more rhetorical than others……
Cee’s strike came back off the bar and Paul, anticipating the rebound stroked home what seemed to be the opening goal. No – the officials – their Lino and Ref – combined to rule the goal offside due to Roy not being in an offside position, interfering or gaining an advantage.
30 seconds later the Ash broke out of their massed defence and after Matt slipped over had a free run in to go 1-0 up.
Chris’ sea legs showed as he took a late throw in- we won’t go overboard about it but it was a foul throw.
Roy put us 2-1 up with a sublimely skilful finish- nicely squared by John, Roy forced their keeper to save so that the ball would ricochet into him and rebound into the net. Showboating!!
Overall a feast of football on another one of Graham’s outstanding pitches, fantastic facilities and one of the worst toilets you could have the misfortune to glance at. However, a third consecutive win- although we have conceded 9 goals in those 3 games. OTVFC: bringing the crowds back.
Wellcome 28/01/18
Foxgrove Road
W 4-3
Scorers: Roy, Finchy, Paul 2
Team: Mark, Steve R, Chris, Finchy, Smudge, John, Tonksy, The Squire, Baby, SteveD, Paul, Richard, Roy, Tim
Subbed: Roy, Richard, Tim , Tonksy, John.
In a Sentence: No really good play – but somehow 7 goals scored- some of them quite spectacular.
In a word: Satisfying.
Players’Player. ( Chosen by : Smudge. Grrrrr- he’s annoyed!). : Finchy
Crap goal kicks – and a hit and hope goal….that’s all it took today. ( ooh, he is annoyed!)
Mark’s Man/Men : A good workman like display with a sweet strike by Finchy going with a good defensive display to get the nod.
Goal of the Game: Finchy: for some reason he found himself in their half; the ball came in from a throw- in on the left, after some aimless kerfuffle and a 50-50 challenge- Finchy took it on the half volley- straight, long and hard from 30 yards- straight at him – but the keeper couldn’t prevent it arrowing into the top right corner. Quite good really.
I know it’s the era of fake news – but who writes this stuff? I just type it up!!!
Paul – the winner – goal of the season – Mark’s assist with identifying shout, Paul assesses the flight near the left touchline- opens his body for the perfect side foot volley,finding the far corner, giving the keeper no chance and winning the game – with just another minute to go. Yes, another one.
Top Tackle: Smudger: using his guile and girth to give the forward a long route to goal. Chris: saving the day after Steve R missed the tricky forward and sliding in as he entered the box and prepared to pull the trigger.
Winner: Richard: getting back into the swing of it early in the second half with a no nonsense block that was as well timed as it was solid- on debut too.
OSCDT: (Top passing) : Not the most fluent football or incisive interplay, one moment: Finchy’s goal kick, John’s headed flick on- freeing Paul to run on and finish decisively.
Moments and Quotes :
‘Where’s Roy?’
‘ Tell Tim if they carry on like that they’ll lose the fixture!’
The Squire saves the day after a goal mouth scramble and dropped ball. Don’t panic!!
Tim disgusted by team ineptitude and complacency for their opening goal- yes, they’re taking the corner.. and , oh yes, he’s going to curl it into the far corner!! Nobody move! Nobody move!!
Roy and the oppo keeper renew their acquaintance with some misplaced machismo.
Steve D with the defensive play of the day, chesting the ball back to Mark. Strong second half work by Doyley as left midfielder. Perhaps he should regularly play further back?
Good reaction save by Mark late on – fast hands to divert the ball to safety and give us the late chance to win it.
Ooh, Smudge is annoyed.
Inter Viagra ( but perhaps not as they always are!)
The Barracks. 21.01.18. 1-2. (Steve D.)
Team: Mark TK, Steve R, Chris, Taj, Smudge, John, Tonksy, The Squire, Roy, Steve D, Paul, Tim
Subbed: Tim and Chris.
In a Sentence: A (losing) battle against: the elements, (relative) youth and pace in a fixture we shouldn’t have accepted after the Police blew us out again- football was not the winner.
In a word: Forgettable.
Players’Player ( Chosen by: those in the Bar.)
Mark TK -in his first game of the New Year – following illness- kept us in the game and frustrated the oppo with some excellent saves- especially in the first half as we searched for a shape that would allow us to deal with rapid attackers.The pick was diving down to his right to not only deflect the strike but doing so with enough strength to divert the ball away from the danger area. Cruelly beaten in the first half after an acrobatic leap kept the ball out of the goal but was left stranded as the centre forward stroked home the opener. No chance with their winner either.
Mark’s Man/Men: Tonksy : on an understandable high after Millwall’s roller coaster at Leeds- did not allow the wind and sleet to disrupt his scampering and tackling all around the park.
(Plenty of team effort, some huffing and puffing but we only hit the onion bag once.)
Goal of the Game: Steve D : From a quality Squire corner perfectly redirecting Chris’ powerful left foot drive into the net from 30cm- this needing to be done otherwise the defender on the line would surely have cleared the ball. Goes without saying if we had scored another that would have been goal of the game- particularly given Steve’s excessive celebration for his first strike of 2018.
Top Tackle: Steve R gets an honourable mention : late in the game one of their forwards again surged forward, refusing to give up and benefitting from warm weather work in Sri Lanka, with a face showing both despair and grimmest determination Steve strained every sinew to chase, close and slide in to send the ball for a corner.
However, winner is Taj who made a great second half challenge getting to their striker when it looked as if he was free to complete his strike and end our resistance, the ball deflecting to safety with the strength of the tackle.
OSCDT: Yes, he gets it again Smudge for his through ball that released John.
What might have been: Paul played a finely judged pass behind the right back – sadly Roy didn’t move.
Moments and Quotes
The Controversy: Late in the game and we’re still hanging in there at 1-1- two forwards move to and get the ball, the nearby defenders have played for offside but Chris as linesman doesn’t raise the flag: Roy has not only drifted into a left back position near the far touchline but apparently he’s played both forwards on side enabling them to combine- and courtesy of an unstoppable miskick- snatch the winner. Needless to say Roy was certain Chris got it wrong.
Also late in the game Roy had another moment : seeking to dribble out of our area he unsurprisingly lost possession; with Mark stranded a goal seemed certain but out of nowhere Smudge- presumably putting on the after- burners for at least the second time in the game- appeared on the line to block the shot, and only with slight damage to himself.
Other bits: the Squire’s first touch, strong enough to find touch.Graham (Old) watching from his car focused on the team in orange and thought we were doing rather well! Tim’s over the top flounce as linesman when it took several minutes for the ref to acknowledge him and eventually disallow a ‘goal’ for offside- great way to impress the grand daughters on their first combined visit.
And if only… Great surge forward from John – ends with a firm drive well saved….but Paul was there for a square pass and a tap in.
Charter Diamond 14.01.18 Hall Place 0-0. (Yes, really)
Roy, Nathan, Baby, Chris, Smudge, John, Tonksy, Podge, The Squire, Paul, Steve D, Tim.
Subbed: Tim, Nathan.
In a sentence: Good to see lots of familiar faces- not so good to see familiar failings.
In a word: Deadlock.
Players’ Player: Chosen by: General discussion: Podge : Winning and receiving the ball all over the park; strong in defence and involved in setting up attacks. Almost won it late on with a great forward run and adept chip only for their excellent keeper to get a strong hand up to deflect the ball to safety.
Mark’s Man/Men: Mark TK showed himself to be the ultimate team man: rising from his sick bed he was with us if Roy hadn’t spared him the keeper’s role and stayed to not only run the line but also track Mike’s battle with TfL, ready to speed to Bexley station if he made it past London Bridge.
Podge ticks all the boxes with his running, tackling and swearing as well as forcing a great save from their keeper in the dying minutes- that would have won us the game.
Moment of the Game: No goals but one moment of breathtaking skill, Smudger writes:
‘ The ball broke loose, I saw the Charter players bearing down; in a flash I thought I can do the Cruyff turn plus double Salko and create space…….This was done with ease, OSCDT – and in this instance it’s true!’
At lightning pace a double drag back with a 360 degree turn beating two opponents as a prelude to initiating our next attack- which undoubtedly came to very little.
Top Tackle: Crunching challenges weren’t really required – although some unseemly scrambles were. Baby saved the day several times in the first half getting back to nick the ball after their forwards appeared to be breaking free.
OSCDT: Yes, despite Paul knocking the ball round well, Smudger’s through ball setting Podge running free behind the defence was the pass of the match.
Moments and Quotes
No goals but quite a lot to get excited about and question: Where would Roy find a parking spot?
How late would we kick off?
How far from Camden would Mike get?
What level of assault was required for the Ref to award a penalty?
How close was Nathan to being the first Senior Vet to throw up during a game?
Why was Roy doing Billy Casper impersonations in goal?
How long would it take to get out of the car park?
Is that really the best pub to drink in? ( Good Guinness, nibbles but no bitter other than bottled).
How many 0-0s have there been in the long history of the Tamps?
Had those who’d been on the cultural trip to Canterbury the day before- the Squire, Smudge and Tim done all they could to focus on the game?
FESTIVAL GAME: Young Vets. 07.01.18. Show Pitch. 0-3.
Team: Roy, Tim, Taj, Chris, Smudge, John, Podge, Tonksy, The Squire, Nathan, Steve D.
In a sentence: A creditable effort- securing respect and honour.
In a word: Commendable
Players’ Player (Chosen by Tim).
Chris- strong at the back when centre half and when in goal thwarting a couple of one on ones- and a two on one! Excellent tackles in the first half too – especially on Russ in the box, a fine goal line clearance and a clean win from Paul D- which only Paul and the ref saw as a foul.
Mark’s Man/ Men. (Chosen by today’s joint custodians: Roy and Chris.)
First half: Podge- a very good game, always there to receive and use the ball.
Second half: Tim- for still being on the pitch. (Surely the same could have been said for Nathan too??!!). (Would have been Taj until he passed to Clinton for their late third goal.)
Goal of the Game: Our third blank this season ( not that this Festival Game counts in the stats) but we can claim an assist- including mistakes – for each of their goals.
Top Tackle
Taj as usual got in a couple of good ones and there needs to be an honourable mention for Nathan who, as part of his out of body second half experience, threw himself randomly but with vigour and opponents who did well to avoid injury. Chris though secures another win in this category (How more ‘top’ can his tackle get?) keeping us in the game with some great challenges- and all of them legit, Scholesy!!
OSCDT. (Top passing)
We knocked it around quite well – at the back and in midfield without delivering the key final pass. However you look at this one it’s Taj: two fine long balls first half to John and especially to free Nathan wide on the right. There was that free kick too- but the end of game pass, when under no real pressure near the half way line, straight to their centre forward, Clinton, who for once couldn’t be offside and for once could take the one on one chance after he had sped gleefully away from our disbelieving warriors.
Moments and Quotes.
It was late on but surely we’d get the goal our resolute performance deserved ? Good work freed John to surge into the box- Roy judged his support run perfectly- and Russ in goal seemed resigned to picking the ball out of the net after the easy squared pass put Roy clear for a tap in. Sadly, John didn’t see that as the better option and attempted a chip that screwed off for a goal kick.
‘I don’t know how I mistook him for Smudger!’ Taj- after looking into the sun and passing straight to Clinton- centre forward, mid- thirties, a lean 6 ft 4” and black.
Very good work from Roy in goal – including a show reel dive to his right, involving a mid air catch and a back somersault with pike and grin.
‘You boys did alright- I was impressed’ Paul D – the Young Vets skipper and one of the two or three players close to or over 50 in their side (youngest 33)- recognises that we did okay.
Secret Santa conducted on Twelfth Night- all good clean (for once) fun.
A hard working performance from our bare 11 on the BIG pitch and one where Scholesy finally finds his best position! Thanks for reffing Col!
Team: Roy, Tim, Taj, Chris, Smudge, John, Podge, Tonksy, The Squire, Nathan, Steve D.
In a sentence: A creditable effort- securing respect and honour.
In a word: Commendable
Players’ Player (Chosen by Tim).
Chris- strong at the back when centre half and when in goal thwarting a couple of one on ones- and a two on one! Excellent tackles in the first half too – especially on Russ in the box, a fine goal line clearance and a clean win from Paul D- which only Paul and the ref saw as a foul.
Mark’s Man/ Men. (Chosen by today’s joint custodians: Roy and Chris.)
First half: Podge- a very good game, always there to receive and use the ball.
Second half: Tim- for still being on the pitch. (Surely the same could have been said for Nathan too??!!). (Would have been Taj until he passed to Clinton for their late third goal.)
Goal of the Game: Our third blank this season ( not that this Festival Game counts in the stats) but we can claim an assist- including mistakes – for each of their goals.
Top Tackle
Taj as usual got in a couple of good ones and there needs to be an honourable mention for Nathan who, as part of his out of body second half experience, threw himself randomly but with vigour and opponents who did well to avoid injury. Chris though secures another win in this category (How more ‘top’ can his tackle get?) keeping us in the game with some great challenges- and all of them legit, Scholesy!!
OSCDT. (Top passing)
We knocked it around quite well – at the back and in midfield without delivering the key final pass. However you look at this one it’s Taj: two fine long balls first half to John and especially to free Nathan wide on the right. There was that free kick too- but the end of game pass, when under no real pressure near the half way line, straight to their centre forward, Clinton, who for once couldn’t be offside and for once could take the one on one chance after he had sped gleefully away from our disbelieving warriors.
Moments and Quotes.
It was late on but surely we’d get the goal our resolute performance deserved ? Good work freed John to surge into the box- Roy judged his support run perfectly- and Russ in goal seemed resigned to picking the ball out of the net after the easy squared pass put Roy clear for a tap in. Sadly, John didn’t see that as the better option and attempted a chip that screwed off for a goal kick.
‘I don’t know how I mistook him for Smudger!’ Taj- after looking into the sun and passing straight to Clinton- centre forward, mid- thirties, a lean 6 ft 4” and black.
Very good work from Roy in goal – including a show reel dive to his right, involving a mid air catch and a back somersault with pike and grin.
‘You boys did alright- I was impressed’ Paul D – the Young Vets skipper and one of the two or three players close to or over 50 in their side (youngest 33)- recognises that we did okay.
Secret Santa conducted on Twelfth Night- all good clean (for once) fun.
A hard working performance from our bare 11 on the BIG pitch and one where Scholesy finally finds his best position! Thanks for reffing Col!
OT v Inter Viagra W 8-1 17/12/17
Score: 8-1
Scorers: SD(3), GG(3), Roymond (2)
Team: MTK - SR PODGE jr CHRIS - TAJ TONKSY SMUDGER GG - SD ROYMOND
Subbed: Only had 10
In a sentence: Tamps stunned as barracks usual gale doesn't arrive!
In a word: Easy
Players’ Player: (Chosen by……………SMUDGER……….): SD, every flick came off!
Mark’s Man/ Men: Roymond, every flick came off!
Goal of the Game: All were well worked and all finished with aplomb, but Roymond's (did he or didn't he mean it?) Messi (ed: is that a mispelling?) type lob/chip finish for his first left all his colleagues open mouthed (and all asking the aforementioned question)
Top Tackle: Most will say the Oppo's on Smudger, which saw the Great Bear going down in stages, trying to work out which way he could fall to create the least damage to his person. As for us, we didn't need to make that many of any note.
OSCDT: (Top passing): GG's cushioned headed pass for IV's goal was a gem.
Moments and Quotes: The Gaffer: Bloody hell was that Roy?!!
SR: I have checked and the showers are working (SR was first to turn up and was at a loose end)
SMUDGE: Well with the lack of beer and food and a rubbish pitch it's the only thing
we have to look forward to.(the showers were excellent)
Podge jr: After yet another shank, The balls flat!!
Podge jr: After a ball change and his next pass, the balls flat!!
Score: 8-1
Scorers: SD(3), GG(3), Roymond (2)
Team: MTK - SR PODGE jr CHRIS - TAJ TONKSY SMUDGER GG - SD ROYMOND
Subbed: Only had 10
In a sentence: Tamps stunned as barracks usual gale doesn't arrive!
In a word: Easy
Players’ Player: (Chosen by……………SMUDGER……….): SD, every flick came off!
Mark’s Man/ Men: Roymond, every flick came off!
Goal of the Game: All were well worked and all finished with aplomb, but Roymond's (did he or didn't he mean it?) Messi (ed: is that a mispelling?) type lob/chip finish for his first left all his colleagues open mouthed (and all asking the aforementioned question)
Top Tackle: Most will say the Oppo's on Smudger, which saw the Great Bear going down in stages, trying to work out which way he could fall to create the least damage to his person. As for us, we didn't need to make that many of any note.
OSCDT: (Top passing): GG's cushioned headed pass for IV's goal was a gem.
Moments and Quotes: The Gaffer: Bloody hell was that Roy?!!
SR: I have checked and the showers are working (SR was first to turn up and was at a loose end)
SMUDGE: Well with the lack of beer and food and a rubbish pitch it's the only thing
we have to look forward to.(the showers were excellent)
Podge jr: After yet another shank, The balls flat!!
Podge jr: After a ball change and his next pass, the balls flat!!
OT v Charlton Rangers 03/12/17
Oppo: Farnborough OBG 26/11/17 Score: 4-3
Scorers: Mike(2), Scholesy, Roymond
Team: MTK - Taj Chris Graham - John Paul Squire Tonksy SD - Mike Scholesy
Subbed: Roy for Paul 20mins (Injury), SMUDGER for Tonksy at H/T (has to leave to take glamour photos of his Mother in law?? or something like that)
In a sentence: Nice football aided by brave defending
In a word: Defiant!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by………The Squire…………….): Graham, surging left sided runs, and 3 assists.
Mark’s Man/ Men: As above, same reasons, mentions for Mike, another brace or jug avoidance! and John, lots of work and tackling.
Goal of the Game: Roys winner - we worked the ball from right to left, Taj to John to Smudge who released Graham, deep cross into the box (and into the sun) and met by Roy arriving late (seems to be a theme with Roy: Ed) with a crisp half volley.
Top Tackle: No crunching ones this weeks, but probably John just for the amount he put in.
OSCDT: (Top passing): Graham's pass for Scholesy goal, inch perfect, all along the floor and finished first time by Scholes, who then launched into an over the top goal celebration!
Moments and Quotes: Scholesy after he tucked away his goal: ''now that's why I should be centre forward for this club'' (met by a chorus of ''bollocks Scholesy'')
''That sun is a blinder'' Mike (a traumatic journey to the game may explain this quote)
''I meant to head it'' Roymond - goes a long way to explaining his crisp half volley finish..........he had know idea what he was doing (there seems to be.......)
No I'm not taking photos of the kids for the Millwall party, something with the Mother-in-law today - Tonksy explaining why he needed to leave a H/T
(he back tracked and said it was lunch with his MIL, unfortunately by this time Graham and SMUDGER were already spreading the gossip about Tonksy and his MIL glamour shoot)
Scorers: Mike(2), Scholesy, Roymond
Team: MTK - Taj Chris Graham - John Paul Squire Tonksy SD - Mike Scholesy
Subbed: Roy for Paul 20mins (Injury), SMUDGER for Tonksy at H/T (has to leave to take glamour photos of his Mother in law?? or something like that)
In a sentence: Nice football aided by brave defending
In a word: Defiant!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by………The Squire…………….): Graham, surging left sided runs, and 3 assists.
Mark’s Man/ Men: As above, same reasons, mentions for Mike, another brace or jug avoidance! and John, lots of work and tackling.
Goal of the Game: Roys winner - we worked the ball from right to left, Taj to John to Smudge who released Graham, deep cross into the box (and into the sun) and met by Roy arriving late (seems to be a theme with Roy: Ed) with a crisp half volley.
Top Tackle: No crunching ones this weeks, but probably John just for the amount he put in.
OSCDT: (Top passing): Graham's pass for Scholesy goal, inch perfect, all along the floor and finished first time by Scholes, who then launched into an over the top goal celebration!
Moments and Quotes: Scholesy after he tucked away his goal: ''now that's why I should be centre forward for this club'' (met by a chorus of ''bollocks Scholesy'')
''That sun is a blinder'' Mike (a traumatic journey to the game may explain this quote)
''I meant to head it'' Roymond - goes a long way to explaining his crisp half volley finish..........he had know idea what he was doing (there seems to be.......)
No I'm not taking photos of the kids for the Millwall party, something with the Mother-in-law today - Tonksy explaining why he needed to leave a H/T
(he back tracked and said it was lunch with his MIL, unfortunately by this time Graham and SMUDGER were already spreading the gossip about Tonksy and his MIL glamour shoot)
West Farleigh Away 19.11. 17
Won. 4-3. ( Paul, Steve D, Mike (2) ).
Team : Mark, Tim, Chris, Steve R, Chris, Mitch, John, Paul, Tonksy, Scholesy, Steve D, Mike, Roy.
Subbed: Roy (late), Tim, Mitch.
In a Sentence: An excellent contest with well taken goals resulting from good attacking play by both sides with our stronger collective determination ensuring we sneaked the win.
And so much of it captured on video!
In a Word: United.
Players’ Player : Chosen by Steve R.
Close between Paul and Mike with Paul just pipping it for his work rate together with a well taken goal , putting us level, and two assists.
Generally though a fantastic team performance with everyone working hard, supporting each other,
Mitch’s Man/ Men : (Unusually Mark had to go so our Oldest Tampon did the honours.)
Don’t like to single anybody out from such a great team performance but Paul probably just about shades it: scored first goal, assists for the others. Steve R must have a mention for his ‘organisational talking ‘.
Goal of the Game : 4 good goals – even Mike’s first, slotted in from close range, resulted from a fine shot from distance by Paul that came back off the bar.
The best, our opener : Mike sees Paul’s surge from deep and, with Steve D’s diagonal run shifting the centre backs, hits a well paced defence splitting pass that Paul takes in his stride, advancing to slot past the keeper. As we recorded about Mike’s goal against the Gas: Class! Shame it wasn’t part of the highlights package! ( And our other goals were!)
Top Tackle : Chris ( as usual) put himself in contention with a wrap around tackle- getting everything, yes, everything, wrapped around the forward as they both turtled on the ground.
Our centre midfielders Tonksy and Paul won a lot of ball and cut out a lot of threats: Tonksy closing down ( his heavy fall on his shoulder showing his commitment) and Paul chasing back .
Winning this week though is Scholesy who, after some encouragement from Tim to keep tracking back on the left following a forward surge, made a crucial block flying in at the near post to divert the striker’s firm drive to safety. Top commitment! But again not featuring in the otherwise excellent highlights.
OSCDT. (Top Passing ) : Good use of the ball from back to front- including in the build up to the goals and in applying pressure to keep West Farleigh at bay in the second half.
However, Paul selected for regularly pinging it from ‘quarter back’ with Farleigh never able to work out and counter the diagonal ball over the top.
Moments and Quotes :
Roy’s late decision to play – and late arrival ( was he the one who knew it was an 11 o’clock kick off?) removes the need to continue with full backs with a combined age of 125.
Steve D seeks to get in the mood with pre-match banter with two female dog walkers one of whom turned out to be the barmaid in the pub who post match told him he’d been chatting up her Mum. Was she interested he asked!
‘ That’s another game we’ve won without Smudger.’ It was also noted that Smudge has never made the trip to the Medway valley. Making sure he’s right for Farnborough.
A welcome return to action after injury for John who got through the game well.
‘ What? I’m 34 : it’s a Vets game!’ Their number 8 seems to miss the point.
Scholesy almost does it again, gearing up to express upset when he is not Paul’s chosen outlet when free on the left: Paul preferred to put Mike through for a run at goal to slot home the winner.
West Farleigh react well to Tim’s flag correctly drawing the ref’s attention to the Maradona ‘goal’. Perfectly captured by the camera- with the slow motion replay showing the officials got it right.
Steve D shows composure to take his goal well – passing it into the net giving the keeper no chance. This resulted from a well rehearsed training ground routine : Tonksy takes the free kick – the oppo retreating into the box in anticipation not realising he can’t kick it that far- Paul flicking on, Steve D cutting across goal right to left and slotting home first time. Well worth showing in slow motion!
Mike edges further ahead in the Golden Boot race leaving Paul claiming he needs to have a bad game so he’ll be selected up front again. Can’t break up the S-M bromance, Paul- be content with being the deciding factor in this fixture.
Mitch played both full back positions, finishing as linesman and extends his Oldest Tampon record and took one for the team blocking a pass with his nuts. A video highlight!
Mark protected our lead late on flying to his right to punch away a strong drive that, the video suggests, was arrowing to the top corner- fine save! ( And the highlights show him catching a cross earlier in the game- wow!)
Overall: a really together determined performance with Steve R leading the positive chat and everyone responding with commitment and positivity leading to an exciting and very satisfying win. Well done team!
Thanks to all at West Farleigh for another enjoyable fixture and to Karim in particular for capturing the contest so fully!
Won. 4-3. ( Paul, Steve D, Mike (2) ).
Team : Mark, Tim, Chris, Steve R, Chris, Mitch, John, Paul, Tonksy, Scholesy, Steve D, Mike, Roy.
Subbed: Roy (late), Tim, Mitch.
In a Sentence: An excellent contest with well taken goals resulting from good attacking play by both sides with our stronger collective determination ensuring we sneaked the win.
And so much of it captured on video!
In a Word: United.
Players’ Player : Chosen by Steve R.
Close between Paul and Mike with Paul just pipping it for his work rate together with a well taken goal , putting us level, and two assists.
Generally though a fantastic team performance with everyone working hard, supporting each other,
Mitch’s Man/ Men : (Unusually Mark had to go so our Oldest Tampon did the honours.)
Don’t like to single anybody out from such a great team performance but Paul probably just about shades it: scored first goal, assists for the others. Steve R must have a mention for his ‘organisational talking ‘.
Goal of the Game : 4 good goals – even Mike’s first, slotted in from close range, resulted from a fine shot from distance by Paul that came back off the bar.
The best, our opener : Mike sees Paul’s surge from deep and, with Steve D’s diagonal run shifting the centre backs, hits a well paced defence splitting pass that Paul takes in his stride, advancing to slot past the keeper. As we recorded about Mike’s goal against the Gas: Class! Shame it wasn’t part of the highlights package! ( And our other goals were!)
Top Tackle : Chris ( as usual) put himself in contention with a wrap around tackle- getting everything, yes, everything, wrapped around the forward as they both turtled on the ground.
Our centre midfielders Tonksy and Paul won a lot of ball and cut out a lot of threats: Tonksy closing down ( his heavy fall on his shoulder showing his commitment) and Paul chasing back .
Winning this week though is Scholesy who, after some encouragement from Tim to keep tracking back on the left following a forward surge, made a crucial block flying in at the near post to divert the striker’s firm drive to safety. Top commitment! But again not featuring in the otherwise excellent highlights.
OSCDT. (Top Passing ) : Good use of the ball from back to front- including in the build up to the goals and in applying pressure to keep West Farleigh at bay in the second half.
However, Paul selected for regularly pinging it from ‘quarter back’ with Farleigh never able to work out and counter the diagonal ball over the top.
Moments and Quotes :
Roy’s late decision to play – and late arrival ( was he the one who knew it was an 11 o’clock kick off?) removes the need to continue with full backs with a combined age of 125.
Steve D seeks to get in the mood with pre-match banter with two female dog walkers one of whom turned out to be the barmaid in the pub who post match told him he’d been chatting up her Mum. Was she interested he asked!
‘ That’s another game we’ve won without Smudger.’ It was also noted that Smudge has never made the trip to the Medway valley. Making sure he’s right for Farnborough.
A welcome return to action after injury for John who got through the game well.
‘ What? I’m 34 : it’s a Vets game!’ Their number 8 seems to miss the point.
Scholesy almost does it again, gearing up to express upset when he is not Paul’s chosen outlet when free on the left: Paul preferred to put Mike through for a run at goal to slot home the winner.
West Farleigh react well to Tim’s flag correctly drawing the ref’s attention to the Maradona ‘goal’. Perfectly captured by the camera- with the slow motion replay showing the officials got it right.
Steve D shows composure to take his goal well – passing it into the net giving the keeper no chance. This resulted from a well rehearsed training ground routine : Tonksy takes the free kick – the oppo retreating into the box in anticipation not realising he can’t kick it that far- Paul flicking on, Steve D cutting across goal right to left and slotting home first time. Well worth showing in slow motion!
Mike edges further ahead in the Golden Boot race leaving Paul claiming he needs to have a bad game so he’ll be selected up front again. Can’t break up the S-M bromance, Paul- be content with being the deciding factor in this fixture.
Mitch played both full back positions, finishing as linesman and extends his Oldest Tampon record and took one for the team blocking a pass with his nuts. A video highlight!
Mark protected our lead late on flying to his right to punch away a strong drive that, the video suggests, was arrowing to the top corner- fine save! ( And the highlights show him catching a cross earlier in the game- wow!)
Overall: a really together determined performance with Steve R leading the positive chat and everyone responding with commitment and positivity leading to an exciting and very satisfying win. Well done team!
Thanks to all at West Farleigh for another enjoyable fixture and to Karim in particular for capturing the contest so fully!
Metrogas - Away 12.11.17
Lost 2-4. (Mike 2)
Team: Mark, Steve R, Chris, Podge, Smudge, Taj, Tonksy, The Squire, Graham, Steve D, Mike, Tim (unused.)
In a sentence: A strong collective performance with everyone playing well but we failed to take our chances in the second half, to end up on the wrong side of an unfair scoreline.
In a word: Deserving.
Players’ Player: ( Chosen by all.): Tonksy: had a belter, non stop work in the centre of the park , always available to link up and move on play. Steve Grit had to look on in admiration.
Good performances from all but Podge and Mike also put in MoM performances.
Mark’s Man/ Men: A valiant effort all round – despite the scoreline - with 110% given by all. Mike gets the nod for his first half brace- a couple of well taken goals.
Goal of the Game: Mike’s second – to put us 2-1 up: Steve D showed persistence and strength to win the ball , laying it off well into Mike’s path. Taken first time and passed into the net off his left foot giving the keeper no chance. Class!
Top Tackle: Excellent defensive work all over the pitch- including around our six yard box in the first quarter but the ‘hit’ came from Steve R coming inside from the right to cleanly crunch the ball away from Gritty.
OSCDT ( Top passing ): Perhaps it should be Smudge- showing Steve D just how to execute a back heel under pressure, finding a teammate and keeping possession. As he says ‘Only I can do that!’
However - if only to stop his moaning- Graham wins: a perfect cross from the left for Mike’s first having gone past a couple of players to reach the byline.
Moments and Quotes:
‘Can make it!’ Roy’s WhatsApp post on Saturday afternoon – before his Sunday morning no show. Yes – he meant can’t again!
‘We need to engage their full backs quicker.’ Smudge’s half time assessment. ‘Engage! What the f**k!’ Graham is less than impressed with what he sees as a high faluting analysis.
If only:
First half Graham dissects the defence and seems to send Mike in on goal with us 2-1 up- but surprisingly he can’t control the ball.
Second half : Steve D makes a well timed run to the near post to meet Mike’s excellent cross from the right- connects too well and flashes it wide- would have put us 3-1 up.
Taj – as ever with his nose for a goal arrives in the six yard box to meet Steve D’s almost perfect pass- but it’s just on Taj’s left and although the contact is strong his effort clears the bar and, indeed, the trees. Would have got us back to 3-3.
Finally, the Squire makes a forward run from deep in our half, getting past their defence on the right hand side, hearing the call Graham strikes the cross field ball that is millimetres beyond the Squire’s reach. Metrogas gain possession breaking up field soon after to clinically notch their fourth giving them a margin of victory that wasn’t deserved.
On the other hand : Mark made a fine early save to keep it to 1-0.Soon after Chris and Mark combined to stop what also looked a certain goal.
‘You’re the best team we’ve played this season’. Praise from Metrogas.
‘He was onside.’ Aggro confirms that Tim had made their right decision as their 35 year old forward (a halftime sub) is on his own in the box as a shot comes back from the bar.
A triumph for Graham who keeps his footing, with no embarrassing slips, for the whole game - even when completing his Hamish Hotshot toe poke across the pitch when finding no teammate ready to receive the ball.
Everyone in the bar - a good performance there too!!
Lost 2-4. (Mike 2)
Team: Mark, Steve R, Chris, Podge, Smudge, Taj, Tonksy, The Squire, Graham, Steve D, Mike, Tim (unused.)
In a sentence: A strong collective performance with everyone playing well but we failed to take our chances in the second half, to end up on the wrong side of an unfair scoreline.
In a word: Deserving.
Players’ Player: ( Chosen by all.): Tonksy: had a belter, non stop work in the centre of the park , always available to link up and move on play. Steve Grit had to look on in admiration.
Good performances from all but Podge and Mike also put in MoM performances.
Mark’s Man/ Men: A valiant effort all round – despite the scoreline - with 110% given by all. Mike gets the nod for his first half brace- a couple of well taken goals.
Goal of the Game: Mike’s second – to put us 2-1 up: Steve D showed persistence and strength to win the ball , laying it off well into Mike’s path. Taken first time and passed into the net off his left foot giving the keeper no chance. Class!
Top Tackle: Excellent defensive work all over the pitch- including around our six yard box in the first quarter but the ‘hit’ came from Steve R coming inside from the right to cleanly crunch the ball away from Gritty.
OSCDT ( Top passing ): Perhaps it should be Smudge- showing Steve D just how to execute a back heel under pressure, finding a teammate and keeping possession. As he says ‘Only I can do that!’
However - if only to stop his moaning- Graham wins: a perfect cross from the left for Mike’s first having gone past a couple of players to reach the byline.
Moments and Quotes:
‘Can make it!’ Roy’s WhatsApp post on Saturday afternoon – before his Sunday morning no show. Yes – he meant can’t again!
‘We need to engage their full backs quicker.’ Smudge’s half time assessment. ‘Engage! What the f**k!’ Graham is less than impressed with what he sees as a high faluting analysis.
If only:
First half Graham dissects the defence and seems to send Mike in on goal with us 2-1 up- but surprisingly he can’t control the ball.
Second half : Steve D makes a well timed run to the near post to meet Mike’s excellent cross from the right- connects too well and flashes it wide- would have put us 3-1 up.
Taj – as ever with his nose for a goal arrives in the six yard box to meet Steve D’s almost perfect pass- but it’s just on Taj’s left and although the contact is strong his effort clears the bar and, indeed, the trees. Would have got us back to 3-3.
Finally, the Squire makes a forward run from deep in our half, getting past their defence on the right hand side, hearing the call Graham strikes the cross field ball that is millimetres beyond the Squire’s reach. Metrogas gain possession breaking up field soon after to clinically notch their fourth giving them a margin of victory that wasn’t deserved.
On the other hand : Mark made a fine early save to keep it to 1-0.Soon after Chris and Mark combined to stop what also looked a certain goal.
‘You’re the best team we’ve played this season’. Praise from Metrogas.
‘He was onside.’ Aggro confirms that Tim had made their right decision as their 35 year old forward (a halftime sub) is on his own in the box as a shot comes back from the bar.
A triumph for Graham who keeps his footing, with no embarrassing slips, for the whole game - even when completing his Hamish Hotshot toe poke across the pitch when finding no teammate ready to receive the ball.
Everyone in the bar - a good performance there too!!
Crofton Home: Tennis Court Pitch 05.11.17
Won: 3-1. (Steve R, Scholesy, Mike )
Team: Mark, Taj, Baby, Steve R, Roy, The Squire, Tonksy, Smudge, Graham, Steve D, Mike, Scholesy, Chris, Tim.
Subbed: Chris, Scholesy, Tim, Taj, The Squire, Tonksy, Smudge.
In a sentence: A good contest won by the slightly better side- with Crofton always a threat.
In a word: Laboured.
Player’s player. (Chosen by Scholesy). : Mark TK saved us three times with a fine save when two Crofton forward’s broke free on their own, quickly down at the greedy centre forward’s feet- keeping it to one- nil and again in the second half to protect our lead when Jim looked likely to score. Important saves a key feature of the season so far- now work on that distribution!!!
Mark’s Man/Men : A laboured but workmanlike performance today- lacking in class but got the job done. Steve R gets the nod for MOM – with Taj again close to the accolade.
Goal of the Game: Steve R did really well to make something out of a low grade corner from the right. Rising above several defenders generating extra power by screwing his eyes shut and losing sight of the ball he managed to beat the keeper and the defender coming off the post the ball crossing the line but not reaching the net.
Oi!! What about Scholesy’s effort???! Yes - it gets a mention later.
Top Tackle : Smudge on John , a very powerful block tackle to prevent a goal scoring opportunity prior to calmly passing the ball out to the right, resisting the strong urge to utilise the drag back,
OSCDT: ( Top Passing ).
Tim deserves a mention for his one touch- a cross into their six yard box allowing Steve D to cause havoc, ignoring the inviting ball to take out Micky the keeper with a combination of clothes line and power slam.
The winner: Chris – picking out Mike unmarked towards the far post giving him the chance to neatly round the keeper and slide home left footed from an acute angle to make it 3-1 which we seemed to take as the sign to stop building decent attacks.
Moments and Quotes:
Tonksy reeling in Scholesy following Steve D’s GBH challenge : ‘ It’s a penalty. Do you want it?’ Scholesy shows he does by trotting forward like an eager puppy.
Graham secured the biggest laugh when – close to the touchline and the Crofton support and subs - he was shot by a sniper on the grassy knoll - falling over heavily and slicing the ball into touch.
‘ He’s injured Tim.’ Tim is put right after criticising Baby’s loose pass out to the left.
The Squire again risking Graham’s wrath by missing him out and playing the ball directly into touch.
Glen reflecting Crofton’s ‘up for it’ sprit with some robust work on Graham and a subtle push on Steve R that – me with Mark’s save – led their big number 9 to bag miss of the season.
‘Roy did alright today’. A teammate - who will remain anonymous - on his way back to the changing room. Will John be able to reclaim the right midfield spot?
Remarkably from 1-0 down we were a goal in front soon after the substitutions that saw Chris and Scholesy join the fray.
Any thing else? Oh yes- Scholesy took the corner that produced the equaliser- a good delivery.
Anything more??!! Oh yes- what a strike! Steadying himself as the ball came out to him a good 23.5 metres from goal Scholesy took a touch, looked up and smacked the ball in. We have to admit it is a contender for goal of the season. However, he’s definitely won celebration of the season wheeling away arm aloft, finger extended rushing to phone the missus and open his Twitter account.
Won: 3-1. (Steve R, Scholesy, Mike )
Team: Mark, Taj, Baby, Steve R, Roy, The Squire, Tonksy, Smudge, Graham, Steve D, Mike, Scholesy, Chris, Tim.
Subbed: Chris, Scholesy, Tim, Taj, The Squire, Tonksy, Smudge.
In a sentence: A good contest won by the slightly better side- with Crofton always a threat.
In a word: Laboured.
Player’s player. (Chosen by Scholesy). : Mark TK saved us three times with a fine save when two Crofton forward’s broke free on their own, quickly down at the greedy centre forward’s feet- keeping it to one- nil and again in the second half to protect our lead when Jim looked likely to score. Important saves a key feature of the season so far- now work on that distribution!!!
Mark’s Man/Men : A laboured but workmanlike performance today- lacking in class but got the job done. Steve R gets the nod for MOM – with Taj again close to the accolade.
Goal of the Game: Steve R did really well to make something out of a low grade corner from the right. Rising above several defenders generating extra power by screwing his eyes shut and losing sight of the ball he managed to beat the keeper and the defender coming off the post the ball crossing the line but not reaching the net.
Oi!! What about Scholesy’s effort???! Yes - it gets a mention later.
Top Tackle : Smudge on John , a very powerful block tackle to prevent a goal scoring opportunity prior to calmly passing the ball out to the right, resisting the strong urge to utilise the drag back,
OSCDT: ( Top Passing ).
Tim deserves a mention for his one touch- a cross into their six yard box allowing Steve D to cause havoc, ignoring the inviting ball to take out Micky the keeper with a combination of clothes line and power slam.
The winner: Chris – picking out Mike unmarked towards the far post giving him the chance to neatly round the keeper and slide home left footed from an acute angle to make it 3-1 which we seemed to take as the sign to stop building decent attacks.
Moments and Quotes:
Tonksy reeling in Scholesy following Steve D’s GBH challenge : ‘ It’s a penalty. Do you want it?’ Scholesy shows he does by trotting forward like an eager puppy.
Graham secured the biggest laugh when – close to the touchline and the Crofton support and subs - he was shot by a sniper on the grassy knoll - falling over heavily and slicing the ball into touch.
‘ He’s injured Tim.’ Tim is put right after criticising Baby’s loose pass out to the left.
The Squire again risking Graham’s wrath by missing him out and playing the ball directly into touch.
Glen reflecting Crofton’s ‘up for it’ sprit with some robust work on Graham and a subtle push on Steve R that – me with Mark’s save – led their big number 9 to bag miss of the season.
‘Roy did alright today’. A teammate - who will remain anonymous - on his way back to the changing room. Will John be able to reclaim the right midfield spot?
Remarkably from 1-0 down we were a goal in front soon after the substitutions that saw Chris and Scholesy join the fray.
Any thing else? Oh yes- Scholesy took the corner that produced the equaliser- a good delivery.
Anything more??!! Oh yes- what a strike! Steadying himself as the ball came out to him a good 23.5 metres from goal Scholesy took a touch, looked up and smacked the ball in. We have to admit it is a contender for goal of the season. However, he’s definitely won celebration of the season wheeling away arm aloft, finger extended rushing to phone the missus and open his Twitter account.
Santos 29.10.17 Home: Tennis Court Pitch Lost 1- 6 (Taj)
Team: Mark, Chris, Taj, Podge, John, The Squire, Tonksy, Smudge, Roy, Steve D, Mike, Steve R, Tim
Subs: Steve R (1/6) Tim (5/6). John - injured: the highs and lows: man of the match last week…
In a sentence: Last goal wins.
In a word: Errors!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by Taj): Podge, played well throughout, including dealing with their young forward, never gave the ball away and helped set up a good number of our attacks bringing the ball forward from deep.
Mark’s Man/Men: Disappointing result and performance today though we at least deserved Taj’s goal which gave some reward for his usual strong, determined play.
Goal of the Game: Having been moved forward following Roy’s bread basket injury Taj surged on the left to break into the area and hit a moderately powered effort that the keeper should have saved.
Top Tackle: We seemed to decide that this would largely be a tackle free game- a fair number of good blocks though with the pick being the Squire’s goal saving intervention on the line.
OSCDT: (Top passing): Steve R a perfectly judged volleyed pass from the right across the six yard box which should have been an easy finish for Steve D…. Well, enough said.
Moments and Quotes.
‘ Mate, our goalie is younger , in his twenties we wouldn’t have a keeper otherwise- sorry.’ SANCO gaffer before the game. Hmmm. What about the centre forward and left winger and a couple of others not in the Super Vet category. Lots on the touchline though.
‘ The word my Dad hates most is sorry’. Isabelle – ‘best barmaid ever’.
Roy is 59- many happy returns and thank you for getting the drinks in.
Great save by Mark in the second half (following a couple of good punches at corners) to keep it to 2-0 with the Squire’s follow up block making sure it counted.
Smudge carelessly found himself on the edge of their box a couple of times and had to take on the shot, well, at least the second one. More pain for the thigh.
‘It was saveable.’ Steve R’s view of their well struck second goal – after about 8 minutes, the first after a cruel deflection being scored in the second minute.
Having threatened to get back in the game with a good second quarter and even better third a series of individual mistakes and team failings lets us down : goals 3,4,5,and 6 coming in quick time. If it was a highlights package it would be look away now: Tonksy, Chris, Tim and Mark.
‘You reffed really well today.’ A surprising comment from Roy who also uttered a more predictable ‘Oh F**k!!!’ as he skied a clearance.
Tonksy leaves the field of play without permission presumably in a vain effort to force an offside. Need to check on that Tonksy!!!
Only a second blank for Mike- after his mixed Hammers week- we need to improve the service!
‘If you look at Roy’s body angle it’s all wrong for him to make a pass. It’s simple physics.’
‘He’s 59 he’s never going to learn’.
Violet the team mascot lets us down … Oh no – we let her down- not our best.
Appropriate Song : Things Can Only Get Better.
Team: Mark, Chris, Taj, Podge, John, The Squire, Tonksy, Smudge, Roy, Steve D, Mike, Steve R, Tim
Subs: Steve R (1/6) Tim (5/6). John - injured: the highs and lows: man of the match last week…
In a sentence: Last goal wins.
In a word: Errors!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by Taj): Podge, played well throughout, including dealing with their young forward, never gave the ball away and helped set up a good number of our attacks bringing the ball forward from deep.
Mark’s Man/Men: Disappointing result and performance today though we at least deserved Taj’s goal which gave some reward for his usual strong, determined play.
Goal of the Game: Having been moved forward following Roy’s bread basket injury Taj surged on the left to break into the area and hit a moderately powered effort that the keeper should have saved.
Top Tackle: We seemed to decide that this would largely be a tackle free game- a fair number of good blocks though with the pick being the Squire’s goal saving intervention on the line.
OSCDT: (Top passing): Steve R a perfectly judged volleyed pass from the right across the six yard box which should have been an easy finish for Steve D…. Well, enough said.
Moments and Quotes.
‘ Mate, our goalie is younger , in his twenties we wouldn’t have a keeper otherwise- sorry.’ SANCO gaffer before the game. Hmmm. What about the centre forward and left winger and a couple of others not in the Super Vet category. Lots on the touchline though.
‘ The word my Dad hates most is sorry’. Isabelle – ‘best barmaid ever’.
Roy is 59- many happy returns and thank you for getting the drinks in.
Great save by Mark in the second half (following a couple of good punches at corners) to keep it to 2-0 with the Squire’s follow up block making sure it counted.
Smudge carelessly found himself on the edge of their box a couple of times and had to take on the shot, well, at least the second one. More pain for the thigh.
‘It was saveable.’ Steve R’s view of their well struck second goal – after about 8 minutes, the first after a cruel deflection being scored in the second minute.
Having threatened to get back in the game with a good second quarter and even better third a series of individual mistakes and team failings lets us down : goals 3,4,5,and 6 coming in quick time. If it was a highlights package it would be look away now: Tonksy, Chris, Tim and Mark.
‘You reffed really well today.’ A surprising comment from Roy who also uttered a more predictable ‘Oh F**k!!!’ as he skied a clearance.
Tonksy leaves the field of play without permission presumably in a vain effort to force an offside. Need to check on that Tonksy!!!
Only a second blank for Mike- after his mixed Hammers week- we need to improve the service!
‘If you look at Roy’s body angle it’s all wrong for him to make a pass. It’s simple physics.’
‘He’s 59 he’s never going to learn’.
Violet the team mascot lets us down … Oh no – we let her down- not our best.
Appropriate Song : Things Can Only Get Better.
Santos 22.10.17 Home: Tennis Court Pitch
Won: 4-2. (Mike, John, Taj, Paul)
Team: Roy, Taj, Chris, Baby, John, Podge, The Squire (passes fitness test following Belgian train mishap) Graham, Paul, Mike, Steve R, Tim, Tonksy, Steve D.
Subbed: Tim 2/3 - reffing. Steve R 1/3 reffing. Tonksy and Steve D played full games for the oppo to take them up to numbers and give them that extra bit of quality.
In a sentence: Could have scored more.
In a word: Sloppy!
Players’ Player: (chosen by Mike – and general agreement): John. A constant threat on the right- set up a couple and scored a good one too.
Mark’s Man/Men: Our regular custodian misses a game through injury- incapacitated by a table and Roy takes over- see later.
Mark TK runs the line. Unusually not in the bar as watching Chelsea ladies (?) – surely would have recognised strong defensive work by the back 3 and also noted effective midfield play by Podge- including going forward – and The Squire, with non stop running and good holding role work.
Goal of the Game: Mike. Our first goal – a good team goal. Steve D initiated it flicking through to Baby and so , as usual, failing to find a teammate. Baby moved it on to Chris who fed it forward to Paul who’d moved into space. His ball out to the right allowed John to run on and draw defenders before squaring for Mike to fire home. Excellent pace in passing and movement and a clinical finish.
Top Tackle: Chris with his usual excellent timing won the ball on the edge of our box. Steve R didn’t see it that way and gave a free kick which caused some amusement as Steve D decided he would take it – obviously the ball didn’t reach the goal. Steve D’s claim that if Taj hadn’t blocked it- it would have been a certain goal- can be seen as fanciful.
OSCDT: Top passing: Good balls out from the back from Baby in particular, from Paul dropping into the hole to feed John or Mike but the pick this week has to be the Squire’s late in the game pass to Graham on the left. Graham had shown some signs of frustration that he was not getting the service he deserved when in space: the Squire noting this played the ball in front of him and into touch. Actions speak louder than words Mick- that’ll teach
Moments and Quotes:
Firstly thank you to Steve D and Tonksy for ensuring the oppo had a team . Also thanks to Roy for going in goal.
Smudge out with the need to ‘ rest his thigh’.
Aggro unable to ref as waiting for the AA to sort his car out. Note that Roy arrived late without explanation, oil on his hands and with a whiff of brake fluid in the air……just saying!!
Terrible reffing from Tim: insisting that Chris place the ball on the penalty spot for the spot kick. This clearly messed with Chris’ routine and he uncharacteristically struck a grubber that was easily saved and led to a call for a change of penalty taker.
John takes his goal well – yet again surging into space on the right and being well found.
Taj gets the third after we’d queued up to score: Taj swung that trusty left foot and the net bulged.
‘Oh Fuck!!’ Paul seemed to think his shot was going wide or coming back out instead of being perfectly placed on the stretch (following John’s assist) to beat the keeper and the defenders and cannon in off the back stick.
Roy seemed untroubled- until a series of in swinging corners provided some pressure and anxiety- leading to his interesting strategy of moving the goal posts. Perhaps this accounted for his failure to pick up the ball in flight so that a speculative effort from 40 yards flew over his head for their second.
Several notable misses – but the pick is the double effort from Mike whose miskick in front of goal sets up Podge to blast over from 6 yards and with the keeper out of position.
‘It’s the only one you’ve saved!!’ Graham to their keeper as he makes a good save from his strong drive.
‘It awful- it was shocking- absolutely awful. That’s the best I can say about it.’ Graham’s verdict on Chris’penalty.
A good turn out in the bar – well done team both on the pitch and in the post match.
Won: 4-2. (Mike, John, Taj, Paul)
Team: Roy, Taj, Chris, Baby, John, Podge, The Squire (passes fitness test following Belgian train mishap) Graham, Paul, Mike, Steve R, Tim, Tonksy, Steve D.
Subbed: Tim 2/3 - reffing. Steve R 1/3 reffing. Tonksy and Steve D played full games for the oppo to take them up to numbers and give them that extra bit of quality.
In a sentence: Could have scored more.
In a word: Sloppy!
Players’ Player: (chosen by Mike – and general agreement): John. A constant threat on the right- set up a couple and scored a good one too.
Mark’s Man/Men: Our regular custodian misses a game through injury- incapacitated by a table and Roy takes over- see later.
Mark TK runs the line. Unusually not in the bar as watching Chelsea ladies (?) – surely would have recognised strong defensive work by the back 3 and also noted effective midfield play by Podge- including going forward – and The Squire, with non stop running and good holding role work.
Goal of the Game: Mike. Our first goal – a good team goal. Steve D initiated it flicking through to Baby and so , as usual, failing to find a teammate. Baby moved it on to Chris who fed it forward to Paul who’d moved into space. His ball out to the right allowed John to run on and draw defenders before squaring for Mike to fire home. Excellent pace in passing and movement and a clinical finish.
Top Tackle: Chris with his usual excellent timing won the ball on the edge of our box. Steve R didn’t see it that way and gave a free kick which caused some amusement as Steve D decided he would take it – obviously the ball didn’t reach the goal. Steve D’s claim that if Taj hadn’t blocked it- it would have been a certain goal- can be seen as fanciful.
OSCDT: Top passing: Good balls out from the back from Baby in particular, from Paul dropping into the hole to feed John or Mike but the pick this week has to be the Squire’s late in the game pass to Graham on the left. Graham had shown some signs of frustration that he was not getting the service he deserved when in space: the Squire noting this played the ball in front of him and into touch. Actions speak louder than words Mick- that’ll teach
Moments and Quotes:
Firstly thank you to Steve D and Tonksy for ensuring the oppo had a team . Also thanks to Roy for going in goal.
Smudge out with the need to ‘ rest his thigh’.
Aggro unable to ref as waiting for the AA to sort his car out. Note that Roy arrived late without explanation, oil on his hands and with a whiff of brake fluid in the air……just saying!!
Terrible reffing from Tim: insisting that Chris place the ball on the penalty spot for the spot kick. This clearly messed with Chris’ routine and he uncharacteristically struck a grubber that was easily saved and led to a call for a change of penalty taker.
John takes his goal well – yet again surging into space on the right and being well found.
Taj gets the third after we’d queued up to score: Taj swung that trusty left foot and the net bulged.
‘Oh Fuck!!’ Paul seemed to think his shot was going wide or coming back out instead of being perfectly placed on the stretch (following John’s assist) to beat the keeper and the defenders and cannon in off the back stick.
Roy seemed untroubled- until a series of in swinging corners provided some pressure and anxiety- leading to his interesting strategy of moving the goal posts. Perhaps this accounted for his failure to pick up the ball in flight so that a speculative effort from 40 yards flew over his head for their second.
Several notable misses – but the pick is the double effort from Mike whose miskick in front of goal sets up Podge to blast over from 6 yards and with the keeper out of position.
‘It’s the only one you’ve saved!!’ Graham to their keeper as he makes a good save from his strong drive.
‘It awful- it was shocking- absolutely awful. That’s the best I can say about it.’ Graham’s verdict on Chris’penalty.
A good turn out in the bar – well done team both on the pitch and in the post match.
Erith Home 15.10.17 Score: 1-1 (Taj)
Team: Mark TK, Chris, Taj, Jay, John, Scholesy, Smudge, Graham, Roy, Steve D, Mike, Podge, Tim.
Subbed: Podge, John, Roy, Tim.
In a sentence: It’s a funny old game- you’ve got to put the ball in the net.
In a word: Finally.
Players’ Player. (Chosen by Tonksy): Taj, held the team together, played some good football from the back and SCORED.
Mark’s Man/Men: The charge of the Alamo paid dividends in the end and with Scholesy completing 90 minutes he just gets the nod.
Goal of the Game: Taj. Made in India that goal! Younger brother floated the ball across and I leapt like a salmon to nod it in.
Top Tackle: No single intervention stands out in a good competitive game where after conceding early and giving a good opportunity soon after we defended well all over the pitch. Erith Mark might remember some contact with Jay and particularly Graham!
OSCDT: (Top pass.) : Good balls in from Chris- from the right – and Graham – (surprise!) from the left - created chances for Mike.
In the first half Scholesy’s free kick was quality.
John secures another assist with his corner picking out Taj for the thumping equaliser.
Moments and Quotes:
‘We were all shit!’ Graham’s generous assessment of his teammates’ efforts.
Steve D was like Teflon- non- stick.
‘See! I can last 90 minutes!’ Scholesy is as surprised as the rest of us.
Graham continues his habit of slipping over to cede possession to the oppo in a dangerous area.
‘Dad! Dad!’ Carl/Karl supports Jay’s excellent debut with constant advice helping him get through a tricky first 15 but lasting the whole game with confidence and commitment.
Mark TK continues to show excellent form: no chance with Wayne’s pinpoint strike (he’d been given too much time and space coming forward on the left side, hadn’t he Roy?) but his excellent save down to his left stopped us from going 2 nil down. Little to do after that.
Unheard of!!! Aggro gives his first ever foul throw.
Mike again shows his class but can’t maintain his two goals a game scoring record.
Some fine saves and work around his box by the (ridiculously) young keeper almost denies us the draw.
Strong work by Taj and Chris in particular in keeping the below super vet age forward quiet.
Podge shows his full commitment to the cause by joining us for the second half- giving us some extra zip- after another night shift!
Smudge gets through the 90 minutes despite his thigh injury- again giving a masterclass in the holding role in front of the back 3.
Tim wins football cliché of the week: ‘There’s still time to win it!... And there’s still time to lose it!’
Roy’s TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE OUTBURST – which cannot be repeated- deserves a 3 week ban. However, after previous behaviour is taken into account this would be commuted to 3 months.
Team: Mark TK, Chris, Taj, Jay, John, Scholesy, Smudge, Graham, Roy, Steve D, Mike, Podge, Tim.
Subbed: Podge, John, Roy, Tim.
In a sentence: It’s a funny old game- you’ve got to put the ball in the net.
In a word: Finally.
Players’ Player. (Chosen by Tonksy): Taj, held the team together, played some good football from the back and SCORED.
Mark’s Man/Men: The charge of the Alamo paid dividends in the end and with Scholesy completing 90 minutes he just gets the nod.
Goal of the Game: Taj. Made in India that goal! Younger brother floated the ball across and I leapt like a salmon to nod it in.
Top Tackle: No single intervention stands out in a good competitive game where after conceding early and giving a good opportunity soon after we defended well all over the pitch. Erith Mark might remember some contact with Jay and particularly Graham!
OSCDT: (Top pass.) : Good balls in from Chris- from the right – and Graham – (surprise!) from the left - created chances for Mike.
In the first half Scholesy’s free kick was quality.
John secures another assist with his corner picking out Taj for the thumping equaliser.
Moments and Quotes:
‘We were all shit!’ Graham’s generous assessment of his teammates’ efforts.
Steve D was like Teflon- non- stick.
‘See! I can last 90 minutes!’ Scholesy is as surprised as the rest of us.
Graham continues his habit of slipping over to cede possession to the oppo in a dangerous area.
‘Dad! Dad!’ Carl/Karl supports Jay’s excellent debut with constant advice helping him get through a tricky first 15 but lasting the whole game with confidence and commitment.
Mark TK continues to show excellent form: no chance with Wayne’s pinpoint strike (he’d been given too much time and space coming forward on the left side, hadn’t he Roy?) but his excellent save down to his left stopped us from going 2 nil down. Little to do after that.
Unheard of!!! Aggro gives his first ever foul throw.
Mike again shows his class but can’t maintain his two goals a game scoring record.
Some fine saves and work around his box by the (ridiculously) young keeper almost denies us the draw.
Strong work by Taj and Chris in particular in keeping the below super vet age forward quiet.
Podge shows his full commitment to the cause by joining us for the second half- giving us some extra zip- after another night shift!
Smudge gets through the 90 minutes despite his thigh injury- again giving a masterclass in the holding role in front of the back 3.
Tim wins football cliché of the week: ‘There’s still time to win it!... And there’s still time to lose it!’
Roy’s TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE OUTBURST – which cannot be repeated- deserves a 3 week ban. However, after previous behaviour is taken into account this would be commuted to 3 months.
Oppo: Avery Hill 08/10/17 Score: 5-0 Scorers: Mike(2), SD, Paul, Podge sr
Team: MTK, Mitch, DI Chris, Podge jr, GG, Taj, The Squire, Podge sr, Scholesy, Mike, SD - Subs: Roy, Paul, Sukh (on debut)
Subbed: Mike-Paul 25mins, SD-Roy 30 mins, Mitch-Sukh 1/2time, Scholesy-SD 1/2 time
In a sentence: Ghost laid to rest!
In a word: Epic!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by………SMUDGER…………….): The team, excellent performances from everyone.
Mark’s Man/ Men: As above, Only had one save to make in the whole game which shows what an excellent team performance it was.
Goal of the Game: All very good goals, probably just won by SD's which was a fine team goal, crisp passing, extravagant dummy by The Squire (or maybe just a complete air shot!)and composed (not a word usually associated) finish by SD
Top Tackle: Mitch on a marauding Des, using all his years of experience he hunted Des down, then using any part of his lower body made a sublime tackle, coming away with the ball and passing to one of our players (as above, not a sentence often used)
OSCDT: (Top passing): Lots of good passing, and a few not so good(you know who you are........Podge sr/Podge jr, just in case nobody else did!), but Sukh's ball to Mike in the lead up to SD's goal wins it, simple but perfectly weighted.
Moments and Quotes: Any bit of Roymond's team talk that was understood
Roy: ''Mitch get back'' x3
Mitch: '' For fu.ks sake Roy shut up''
SMUDGER: ''I Win'' - having predicted correctly that Scholesy would hit the deck inside 2mins
Numerous, ''F..K!! from Podge sr and '' You C..t''from Podge jr, always directed at themselves never the oppo.
Continuing a running theme ''That's definitely the last one'' The Squire, followers of this high class rag will remember similar from the week before
SMUDGER: ''Sukh, you need to be deeper'' x 3
Serge: ''he looks tired''
SMUDGER: ''he's only been on 15mins''
Scholesy: ''I'm injured, thigh again'' (Ed, surely this should be in the continuing a running theme section?)
News: After last week's scare I can report Andy is a lot better, will be seeing (in his words) the heart bloke this week to find out what happens next.
Team: MTK, Mitch, DI Chris, Podge jr, GG, Taj, The Squire, Podge sr, Scholesy, Mike, SD - Subs: Roy, Paul, Sukh (on debut)
Subbed: Mike-Paul 25mins, SD-Roy 30 mins, Mitch-Sukh 1/2time, Scholesy-SD 1/2 time
In a sentence: Ghost laid to rest!
In a word: Epic!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by………SMUDGER…………….): The team, excellent performances from everyone.
Mark’s Man/ Men: As above, Only had one save to make in the whole game which shows what an excellent team performance it was.
Goal of the Game: All very good goals, probably just won by SD's which was a fine team goal, crisp passing, extravagant dummy by The Squire (or maybe just a complete air shot!)and composed (not a word usually associated) finish by SD
Top Tackle: Mitch on a marauding Des, using all his years of experience he hunted Des down, then using any part of his lower body made a sublime tackle, coming away with the ball and passing to one of our players (as above, not a sentence often used)
OSCDT: (Top passing): Lots of good passing, and a few not so good(you know who you are........Podge sr/Podge jr, just in case nobody else did!), but Sukh's ball to Mike in the lead up to SD's goal wins it, simple but perfectly weighted.
Moments and Quotes: Any bit of Roymond's team talk that was understood
Roy: ''Mitch get back'' x3
Mitch: '' For fu.ks sake Roy shut up''
SMUDGER: ''I Win'' - having predicted correctly that Scholesy would hit the deck inside 2mins
Numerous, ''F..K!! from Podge sr and '' You C..t''from Podge jr, always directed at themselves never the oppo.
Continuing a running theme ''That's definitely the last one'' The Squire, followers of this high class rag will remember similar from the week before
SMUDGER: ''Sukh, you need to be deeper'' x 3
Serge: ''he looks tired''
SMUDGER: ''he's only been on 15mins''
Scholesy: ''I'm injured, thigh again'' (Ed, surely this should be in the continuing a running theme section?)
News: After last week's scare I can report Andy is a lot better, will be seeing (in his words) the heart bloke this week to find out what happens next.
Cudham (Old Wilsonians) 01/10/17 1-0 (Graham)
Team: Mark, Taj, Chris, Tim, John, Tonksy, The Squire (C.), Smudge, Graham, Andy, Steve D.
Cudham players guesting and helping us out significantly: Andy (first half ), George ( second half ).
In a sentence: A game of two pitches.
In a word: Eventful.
Players’ Player – chosen by Tonksy: Andy for obvious reasons. (Also a strong shout for Annabelle for her calm and excellent care for Andy- THANK YOU Belle.)
Mark’s Man/ Men: All players did really well in a creditable battling performance- can’t single out a man of the match from the outfield players.
Goal of the Game: From at least 35 yards Graham hit a perfectly paced and placed screamer that had more movement than Strictly, sending the keeper dizzy as he could only gaze as the ball powered past him and into the roof of the net.
Top Tackle: Several contenders: Cudham’s centre half had one in each half of note, the first getting across at outstanding pace to deny Steve D with a perfectly judged slide when Doyley looked set to end his goal drought.
Excellent work by Chris and Taj with the latter outstanding with one first half intervention .
However the winner has to be Chris for the challenge that sealed our win: the ball won cleanly but this did not stop a couple of Cudham players not seeing it that way and one giving a load of abuse to the excellent ref.
( It should be noted that was out of keeping for a game played in very good spirit with strong and appropriate competition despite the difficult circumstances of Andy’s health scare and the wait for the necessary ambulance. )
OSCDT ( Top pass.)
As usual a number of telling through balls by Graham to release the forwards behind a strong Cudham defence but this week the key feature was very good use of possession building well from the back , with Taj and John combining well on the right and Tonksy, the Squire ( quotes below not withstanding) and Smudge controlling things in the centre of the park.
Moments and Quotes:
‘Oh no John, no, oh! ….Good shot’. Tonksy expresses doubt in the option taken as John’s angled drive hits the bar.
The Squire shows an uncharacteristic fancy dan approach with an early flick that doesn’t go within metres of a team mate.
Smudger sportingly takes himself out of the game by taking a goal kick and troubling his knee.
A second clean sheet of the season for Mark and one secured by an outstanding early save surging out and getting down quickly to block . Plenty of other saves and another important aspect was excellent positioning that made things difficult for the oppo forwards.
‘That’s the last one!’ THAT is the last one!’ That DEFINITELY is the last one!’ The Squire insists there will be no more misplaced passes.
A fine slip by Graham seeking to play too much football in our box and presenting an opportunity to Cudham.
John can claim an assist drawing a frustrated hack from behind that gave us the free kick that Graham drove home.
Steve D again demonstrated his ability to knock a cross in without looking- and unsurprisingly getting it nowhere near John, his intended recipient.
‘ Andy – we’re at home next week.’ Tim to Andy as he’s wheeled into the ambulance.
‘Steve will have to do that!’ Andy to Tim when he said one of the forward’s needed to drop deeper to help us out- a first sign that all was not well.
Most important moment:
Good news from Andy at the hospital that he’s feeling better and will be seeing the specialist to secure the best diagnosis and to define the best treatment. All thinking about you Andy and wish you a speedy and full recovery.
Team: Mark, Taj, Chris, Tim, John, Tonksy, The Squire (C.), Smudge, Graham, Andy, Steve D.
Cudham players guesting and helping us out significantly: Andy (first half ), George ( second half ).
In a sentence: A game of two pitches.
In a word: Eventful.
Players’ Player – chosen by Tonksy: Andy for obvious reasons. (Also a strong shout for Annabelle for her calm and excellent care for Andy- THANK YOU Belle.)
Mark’s Man/ Men: All players did really well in a creditable battling performance- can’t single out a man of the match from the outfield players.
Goal of the Game: From at least 35 yards Graham hit a perfectly paced and placed screamer that had more movement than Strictly, sending the keeper dizzy as he could only gaze as the ball powered past him and into the roof of the net.
Top Tackle: Several contenders: Cudham’s centre half had one in each half of note, the first getting across at outstanding pace to deny Steve D with a perfectly judged slide when Doyley looked set to end his goal drought.
Excellent work by Chris and Taj with the latter outstanding with one first half intervention .
However the winner has to be Chris for the challenge that sealed our win: the ball won cleanly but this did not stop a couple of Cudham players not seeing it that way and one giving a load of abuse to the excellent ref.
( It should be noted that was out of keeping for a game played in very good spirit with strong and appropriate competition despite the difficult circumstances of Andy’s health scare and the wait for the necessary ambulance. )
OSCDT ( Top pass.)
As usual a number of telling through balls by Graham to release the forwards behind a strong Cudham defence but this week the key feature was very good use of possession building well from the back , with Taj and John combining well on the right and Tonksy, the Squire ( quotes below not withstanding) and Smudge controlling things in the centre of the park.
Moments and Quotes:
‘Oh no John, no, oh! ….Good shot’. Tonksy expresses doubt in the option taken as John’s angled drive hits the bar.
The Squire shows an uncharacteristic fancy dan approach with an early flick that doesn’t go within metres of a team mate.
Smudger sportingly takes himself out of the game by taking a goal kick and troubling his knee.
A second clean sheet of the season for Mark and one secured by an outstanding early save surging out and getting down quickly to block . Plenty of other saves and another important aspect was excellent positioning that made things difficult for the oppo forwards.
‘That’s the last one!’ THAT is the last one!’ That DEFINITELY is the last one!’ The Squire insists there will be no more misplaced passes.
A fine slip by Graham seeking to play too much football in our box and presenting an opportunity to Cudham.
John can claim an assist drawing a frustrated hack from behind that gave us the free kick that Graham drove home.
Steve D again demonstrated his ability to knock a cross in without looking- and unsurprisingly getting it nowhere near John, his intended recipient.
‘ Andy – we’re at home next week.’ Tim to Andy as he’s wheeled into the ambulance.
‘Steve will have to do that!’ Andy to Tim when he said one of the forward’s needed to drop deeper to help us out- a first sign that all was not well.
Most important moment:
Good news from Andy at the hospital that he’s feeling better and will be seeing the specialist to secure the best diagnosis and to define the best treatment. All thinking about you Andy and wish you a speedy and full recovery.
Oppo: Erith 24/09/17 Score: 3-3 Scorers: Mick(2), Chris(p)
Team: MTK - Chris GG Smudger - Roy Tonksy The Squire DVD SD
Paul Mick (new player)
Subbed: None - we only had 11
In a sentence: Chances taken, Chances missed!
In a word: Hectic!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by………SMUDGER…………….):Mick, First game for a year, took both goals really well and was hacked down for our penalty, a very decent debut.
Mark’s Man/ Men: Good Graham/SMUDGER
Desperate tackles, good defending, composed on the ball and battled to the end.
mentions too for the new boy Mick,Tonksy and The Squire.
Goal of the Game: Mick's first - SMUDGER cuts out a cross and then sends a 40 yards pass right to Pauls feet, he controls and threads a pass through to Mick, he draws the keeper and slots it into the bottom right hand corner.
Top Tackle: GG made some excellent sliding interventions, DVD and The Squire made some important last ditch toe in's, and SMUDGER yet again stopped a very speedy forward with a perfectly timed foot in to prevent a one on one with the keeper.
OSCDT: (Top passing): SMUDGERS 40yard pass to Paul to set up Micks first, Pauls
through ball for the same goal we both quality, but Chris's first 3 passes of the game which all led to goalscoring opportunities took some beating........problem being they were all the chances were all for the oppo!!
Moments and Quotes: ''I'm doing the work of three men here!!'' Tonksy plaintive cry at our two wide midfielders
Numerous ''C'mon lads'' from SMUDGER, followed by either ''for f..ks sake let's start playing'' or ''for f..ks sake can we start passing to our team!!'' or''for f..ks sake can people please start listening''
Chris: ''Let's start encouraging each other''
SMUDGER: ''I can't encourage people who don't listen
MTK's text book taking of a corner......Not!!
SMUDGER using all of his 48inch chest to clear the ball off the line
Oppo (Luke) ''I got the f..king ball'' on three seperate occasions when he left one of our players in a heap.
Numerous players: ''Steve Doyle you have to pick up Wayne (oppo)
Team: MTK - Chris GG Smudger - Roy Tonksy The Squire DVD SD
Paul Mick (new player)
Subbed: None - we only had 11
In a sentence: Chances taken, Chances missed!
In a word: Hectic!
Players’ Player: (Chosen by………SMUDGER…………….):Mick, First game for a year, took both goals really well and was hacked down for our penalty, a very decent debut.
Mark’s Man/ Men: Good Graham/SMUDGER
Desperate tackles, good defending, composed on the ball and battled to the end.
mentions too for the new boy Mick,Tonksy and The Squire.
Goal of the Game: Mick's first - SMUDGER cuts out a cross and then sends a 40 yards pass right to Pauls feet, he controls and threads a pass through to Mick, he draws the keeper and slots it into the bottom right hand corner.
Top Tackle: GG made some excellent sliding interventions, DVD and The Squire made some important last ditch toe in's, and SMUDGER yet again stopped a very speedy forward with a perfectly timed foot in to prevent a one on one with the keeper.
OSCDT: (Top passing): SMUDGERS 40yard pass to Paul to set up Micks first, Pauls
through ball for the same goal we both quality, but Chris's first 3 passes of the game which all led to goalscoring opportunities took some beating........problem being they were all the chances were all for the oppo!!
Moments and Quotes: ''I'm doing the work of three men here!!'' Tonksy plaintive cry at our two wide midfielders
Numerous ''C'mon lads'' from SMUDGER, followed by either ''for f..ks sake let's start playing'' or ''for f..ks sake can we start passing to our team!!'' or''for f..ks sake can people please start listening''
Chris: ''Let's start encouraging each other''
SMUDGER: ''I can't encourage people who don't listen
MTK's text book taking of a corner......Not!!
SMUDGER using all of his 48inch chest to clear the ball off the line
Oppo (Luke) ''I got the f..king ball'' on three seperate occasions when he left one of our players in a heap.
Numerous players: ''Steve Doyle you have to pick up Wayne (oppo)
Charter Diamond 17.09.17 3-2. (The Squire, Baby, Paul)
Team: Mark, Taj, Chris, Baby, Mitch, John, The Squire (C.), Smudge, Roy, Steve D, Paul, Andy, Tim.
Subbed: Andy, (twice- including reffing), John, Baby, Tim (reffed ¾), Chris (injured).
In a sentence: Good to play long standing opponents (even if they had a few younger players) with some good banter but also some moderate mumping, two late goals and a last minute save giving us the win.
In a word: Larceny.
Players’ Player: (Chosen by Mitch): Paul. Played 3 positions in one game and had two assists - as well as scoring the winning goal.
Mark’s Men/ Man: Plenty of running and tackling all over the park – with Baby Podge getting the nod from the back.
Goal of the Game: Ball brought forward from the back with Chris’ pass getting Paul behind the defence to hit a precise cross for the Squire to surge to the back stick and nod home – with his eyes half open.
Top Tackle: If he hadn’t injured himself in the process Chris’ desperate lunge to stop a threatening run could have been the winner but Smudge gets it for his last moment steal when one on one with their young and exceptionally quick Polish midfield player.Rolling back the years…..
OSCDT: ( Top Passing ): Good passing and some good set piece delivery- including, surprisingly, from corners- but the decisive knock was Baby’s long drive enabling Paul to pick up beyond the defenders and slot the decisive goal. ( Contrasted with a few punts into touch accompanied by several expletives.).
Moments and Quotes:
Team: Mark, Taj, Chris, Baby, Mitch, John, The Squire (C.), Smudge, Roy, Steve D, Paul, Andy, Tim.
Subbed: Andy, (twice- including reffing), John, Baby, Tim (reffed ¾), Chris (injured).
In a sentence: Good to play long standing opponents (even if they had a few younger players) with some good banter but also some moderate mumping, two late goals and a last minute save giving us the win.
In a word: Larceny.
Players’ Player: (Chosen by Mitch): Paul. Played 3 positions in one game and had two assists - as well as scoring the winning goal.
Mark’s Men/ Man: Plenty of running and tackling all over the park – with Baby Podge getting the nod from the back.
Goal of the Game: Ball brought forward from the back with Chris’ pass getting Paul behind the defence to hit a precise cross for the Squire to surge to the back stick and nod home – with his eyes half open.
Top Tackle: If he hadn’t injured himself in the process Chris’ desperate lunge to stop a threatening run could have been the winner but Smudge gets it for his last moment steal when one on one with their young and exceptionally quick Polish midfield player.Rolling back the years…..
OSCDT: ( Top Passing ): Good passing and some good set piece delivery- including, surprisingly, from corners- but the decisive knock was Baby’s long drive enabling Paul to pick up beyond the defenders and slot the decisive goal. ( Contrasted with a few punts into touch accompanied by several expletives.).
Moments and Quotes:
- Baby’s 60 yard run from the back to latch onto Paul’s well judged pass and fire home – getting us level late on.
- Steve D- the goal drought continues with a f****ng shocking miss from 6 inches. (Steve doesn’t count it as a miss as the keeper saved it….).
- Route One football for the winner- the strategy Smudge suggested before the kick off.
- Roy – despite food poisoning refusing to let the team down by dropping out- seemed as if he was hallucinating though giving the destination of his passes and the fact he was unable to see the ball over the touchline; also suffering from hearing loss- as he ignored Taj’s clear call and back headed it to set up their first goal.
- Andy’s welcome return: caused controversy with a blocked shot but when reffing kept a lid on it declaring ‘Nothing in it!’ as Baby caused a little after the ball contact.
- Mitch- extending his record as the oldest Tampon not only played the whole match but had a fine game even if he needs to do more when shoulder barged by the 19 stone forward.
- John back from Hajj for his first game of the season - needs to further develop match fitness - but he’s missing Erith to enjoy Centre Parks.
- Several good saves again from Mark including right at the death pushing away a point blank header.
- A satisfying win – though you have to say a draw may well have been a fairer result even though we hit the bar twice.
Crofton: W 4-0 (Roy, Paul 3) 10//09/17 Home
Team: Mark, Mitch (at 64 years young), Chris, Baby, Smudge, Taj, Tonksy, the Squire (C.), Graham, Roy, Steve D, Paul, Tim.
Subbed: Paul, Steve D, Graham, Taj, Smudge, the Squire, Mitch, Tim
In a sentence: A deserved- and after we got the second- comfortable victory, with both keepers making some fine saves: a very enjoyable contest, played in the right way- competitive but with good humour and banter.
In a word: Enjoyable.
Goal of the Game: Paul: clipping the ball over the keeper with precision and pace from the edge of the box- part of a very good hat trick.
OSCDT (Top Passing): Taj - ensured that Smudger’s excellent first half free kick couldn’t be a contender by running offside so that his subsequent perfect cross from the right for Paul’s headed goal would win the honour this week.
Top Tackle: Glen: In anticipation of the new NFL season shows his potential as a tight end with a running block on Graham that almost lifted him off the pitch. Meaty no nonsense- no point trying to play the ball!
Players’ Player: Paul: But for some outstanding saves from the main Crofton keeper would have had more than a hat trick .Three fine finishes and strong all round play and a brilliant first half back heel flick to release Taj to set up another opportunity.
Mark’s Man/Men: Baby: an exemplary defensive performance well supported by Chris, with Taj on the right and Tonksy and the Squire putting in strong shifts too.
Moments and Quotes:
Next game: Charter Diamond. Home. 17.09.17.
Team: Mark, Mitch (at 64 years young), Chris, Baby, Smudge, Taj, Tonksy, the Squire (C.), Graham, Roy, Steve D, Paul, Tim.
Subbed: Paul, Steve D, Graham, Taj, Smudge, the Squire, Mitch, Tim
In a sentence: A deserved- and after we got the second- comfortable victory, with both keepers making some fine saves: a very enjoyable contest, played in the right way- competitive but with good humour and banter.
In a word: Enjoyable.
Goal of the Game: Paul: clipping the ball over the keeper with precision and pace from the edge of the box- part of a very good hat trick.
OSCDT (Top Passing): Taj - ensured that Smudger’s excellent first half free kick couldn’t be a contender by running offside so that his subsequent perfect cross from the right for Paul’s headed goal would win the honour this week.
Top Tackle: Glen: In anticipation of the new NFL season shows his potential as a tight end with a running block on Graham that almost lifted him off the pitch. Meaty no nonsense- no point trying to play the ball!
Players’ Player: Paul: But for some outstanding saves from the main Crofton keeper would have had more than a hat trick .Three fine finishes and strong all round play and a brilliant first half back heel flick to release Taj to set up another opportunity.
Mark’s Man/Men: Baby: an exemplary defensive performance well supported by Chris, with Taj on the right and Tonksy and the Squire putting in strong shifts too.
Moments and Quotes:
- Great header from Steve D running on to Smudger’s expert free kick and powering home – only for Taj to be adjudged offside and the goal denied. When will his goal drought end??!!
- Tim – as ref – overruling the eager young Lino and allowing Paul’s header to stand despite the raised flag.
- An even better save from Mark this week, getting a strong hand to the shot whilst still on the ground after a first block: makes it a very satisfactory and deserved clean sheet.
- Both Baby and the Crofton keeper showing they’ve both got enormous length………on their goal kicks.
- Smudge waits at least 30 seconds after he’s subbed to point out we’re not keeping the ball as we should.
- Roy doesn’t quite put the icing on the cake with an ambitious bicycle kick but he does cause more than a few smiles.
- Mitch has just celebrated his 64th birthday but he was not the oldest on the pitch- did age Mark somewhat though with one under hit back pass – and then rolled back the years with a surge forward and telling cross.
- Roy’s experience around pole dancing enables him to nimbly open the scoring at the far post.
- Late in the game Graham expresses some dissatisfaction at not seeing the ball as much as he would have liked given the space on the left.
- Crofton’s keeper keeps them in it with a string of great saves including one from Taj coming out at speed but still getting a hand to what looked like the perfect finish. Whilst at the other end Crofton John fails to take several very good chances.
Next game: Charter Diamond. Home. 17.09.17.
Avery Hill: 0-2 Away - but still at home 03.09.17
Team: Mark, Steve R, Chris, Podge, Tim, Taj, Smudge, The Squire (C.), Graham, Roy, Steve D.
In a sentence: Deserved better: deadlock broken after ref’s failure to give us an obvious free kick, second a well taken break away involving a kind bounce- a fine performance by our bare 11 against strong squad play by the oppo.
In a word: Frustrating.
Moments and quotes:
Players’ Player: (Selected by Chris): Podge: Everywhere! Dominant in defence and able to link and create surging forward- and very little swearing.
Next Game: Crofton – at home, 10.09.17
Mark’s Man/Men: A workmanlike performance put in by all but the returning Squire just tips the wink.
Top Tackle: Stuart scythes down Smudge, a savage chop inflicting evident pain, the earth moved and 20 players chuckled- Stuart doing well to keep a straight face and mumble an insincere apology.
OSCDT: (Top Passing): Graham: We can name him Hollywood or Showboat but he knocked some great balls into the box; we’ll put some chances away soon.
Goal of the Game: Their second: route one boot out as we pressed for the equaliser leaving us two on two, ball bounced kindly but Grant took it well smacking home with style giving Mark no chance
Team: Mark, Steve R, Chris, Podge, Tim, Taj, Smudge, The Squire (C.), Graham, Roy, Steve D.
In a sentence: Deserved better: deadlock broken after ref’s failure to give us an obvious free kick, second a well taken break away involving a kind bounce- a fine performance by our bare 11 against strong squad play by the oppo.
In a word: Frustrating.
Moments and quotes:
- Mark failing to gather the ball at the first attempt and running back to grab it ahead of the forward, falling on it just before it crossed the goal line.
- Save of the season so far: Mark smartly out to block well when a goal looked likely.
- Captaincy much in evidence as the Squire takes out Josh and protests his innocence.
- Quality linesmen: Aggro authoritative, Neil refusing to make a decision.
- All round effort from the whole team but a failure to take our chances.
- Graham – telling runs, good crosses, great covering at the back- hits the bar with angled strike with the game still 0-0.
- Frustrated by Cookie’s refusal to give the free kick, Tim loses his concentration and his man who heads in from 2 yards, Mark having not cut out a hopeful cross.
- Steve D heads the ball on with precision but no team mate ahead of him.
Players’ Player: (Selected by Chris): Podge: Everywhere! Dominant in defence and able to link and create surging forward- and very little swearing.
Next Game: Crofton – at home, 10.09.17
Mark’s Man/Men: A workmanlike performance put in by all but the returning Squire just tips the wink.
Top Tackle: Stuart scythes down Smudge, a savage chop inflicting evident pain, the earth moved and 20 players chuckled- Stuart doing well to keep a straight face and mumble an insincere apology.
OSCDT: (Top Passing): Graham: We can name him Hollywood or Showboat but he knocked some great balls into the box; we’ll put some chances away soon.
Goal of the Game: Their second: route one boot out as we pressed for the equaliser leaving us two on two, ball bounced kindly but Grant took it well smacking home with style giving Mark no chance
Opponents: Charlton Rangers Score: 4-4 Doyle(2), Paul, Roy
Team: MTK - DI Chris, SMUDGER, Steve R
Jimmy Love Tonksy Podge sr The Squire Stewart (AH)
Doyle Paul
Subs: Roy(turned up late!), Tony P (Delayed on a callout)
A goal feast to start the season, Charlton turned up with the majority of their senior players, augmented by a couple of young, quick strikers, these two players would turn out to be the difference between the two sides. A tight first 40 mins and no goals, chances for both teams but none taken, Smudger then , played a back pass to MTK, who somehow managed to totally miss his kick leaving the striker with a tap in, lots of possession and missed chances but we went in 0-1. Roys excuse for turning up 10 minutes into the game was that he was watching Match of the day!! Changes were made at h/t with Roy coming on for Doyle and Tony P taking over from Jimmy Love (thanks to Jim helping us out).
The second half was only a few minutes old when Paul delivered an inch perfect corner into the 6 yard box which was was met by Roymond with a bullet header, rising like a salmon (a tin of John West was mentioned) he sent the header into the roof of the net (inspired substitution, maybe) after this he spent the next 40 minutes hugging the touchline and keeping in the shade (he doesn't do warm weather.......or cold for that matter). CR hit back straight from the kick off, and the second of their young strikers was in behind our defence and rounded MTK to make it 1-2, after this goals came at regular intervals, Paul replied with a great solo effort running 40 yards, rounding the keeper and slotting the ball home, we were not level for long and the two young strikers combined to send CR into a 2-3 lead, Doyle then got the first of his brace, a near post shot that somehow squeezed between the keeper and his near post, the CR keeper up until then had been having his regular outstanding performance against us. At 3-3 it looked like that was the end of the scoring but poor defending from a free-kick allowed CR to get in front again, 3-4, they nearly wrapped up the game but a tremendous goaline clearance from The Squire kept us (just) in the game, with time running out a sweeping move from back to front saw the ball end up at Paul's feet, a deft chip into the box was met with a looping header (I meant it!!) by Doyle, it dropped into the net at the far post, 4-4 the final score.
Both sides came away happy, neither side deserving to lose, the chat after was that if they had not had the two younger lads we would have won quite easily, as usual we played a lot of quality possession football and created numerous chances, again Andy in goal for CR was their MOM, as for us, onto the local derby with Avery Hill, we havent beaten them on the last 8 occasions (as Mad Dave it quick to tell us!) hopefully we will have a few players back for that one.
Big thanks for Jim, Tony P and Stewart (AH) for helping us out.
Goal of the game: Paul's solo effort - MOM: The Squire, lots of industry on his return to the side.
Fashion statement: Tony P's shirt which by the end of the game was a crop top (good job he had something on underneath)
Team: MTK - DI Chris, SMUDGER, Steve R
Jimmy Love Tonksy Podge sr The Squire Stewart (AH)
Doyle Paul
Subs: Roy(turned up late!), Tony P (Delayed on a callout)
A goal feast to start the season, Charlton turned up with the majority of their senior players, augmented by a couple of young, quick strikers, these two players would turn out to be the difference between the two sides. A tight first 40 mins and no goals, chances for both teams but none taken, Smudger then , played a back pass to MTK, who somehow managed to totally miss his kick leaving the striker with a tap in, lots of possession and missed chances but we went in 0-1. Roys excuse for turning up 10 minutes into the game was that he was watching Match of the day!! Changes were made at h/t with Roy coming on for Doyle and Tony P taking over from Jimmy Love (thanks to Jim helping us out).
The second half was only a few minutes old when Paul delivered an inch perfect corner into the 6 yard box which was was met by Roymond with a bullet header, rising like a salmon (a tin of John West was mentioned) he sent the header into the roof of the net (inspired substitution, maybe) after this he spent the next 40 minutes hugging the touchline and keeping in the shade (he doesn't do warm weather.......or cold for that matter). CR hit back straight from the kick off, and the second of their young strikers was in behind our defence and rounded MTK to make it 1-2, after this goals came at regular intervals, Paul replied with a great solo effort running 40 yards, rounding the keeper and slotting the ball home, we were not level for long and the two young strikers combined to send CR into a 2-3 lead, Doyle then got the first of his brace, a near post shot that somehow squeezed between the keeper and his near post, the CR keeper up until then had been having his regular outstanding performance against us. At 3-3 it looked like that was the end of the scoring but poor defending from a free-kick allowed CR to get in front again, 3-4, they nearly wrapped up the game but a tremendous goaline clearance from The Squire kept us (just) in the game, with time running out a sweeping move from back to front saw the ball end up at Paul's feet, a deft chip into the box was met with a looping header (I meant it!!) by Doyle, it dropped into the net at the far post, 4-4 the final score.
Both sides came away happy, neither side deserving to lose, the chat after was that if they had not had the two younger lads we would have won quite easily, as usual we played a lot of quality possession football and created numerous chances, again Andy in goal for CR was their MOM, as for us, onto the local derby with Avery Hill, we havent beaten them on the last 8 occasions (as Mad Dave it quick to tell us!) hopefully we will have a few players back for that one.
Big thanks for Jim, Tony P and Stewart (AH) for helping us out.
Goal of the game: Paul's solo effort - MOM: The Squire, lots of industry on his return to the side.
Fashion statement: Tony P's shirt which by the end of the game was a crop top (good job he had something on underneath)
