30/08/15
OTVFC 3 - 2 Charlton Rangers
Scorers: Taj, S Doyle, Good Graham
DEDICATED FOOTBALLERS WITH PASSION by Tim Davies (A large Kink)
Early Season Win- But still ironing out the Kinks
We missed them here, we missed them there
At the far post and from passes square
Every time we had a shot we put it high or wide
Because we're dedicated missers of chances.
They fell to Tonks and Mick DVD
And most of all to Stevie D
Good build up play but not even Roy could hit the net
Because we're dedicated missers of chances.
Oh yes we are (oh yes we are) oh yes we are (oh yes we are).
We should have scored a lot of goals on Sunday
But the Charlton Rangers’ keeper was a wonder,
Yes,he's a celebrated saver of chances.
He saved them here, he saved them there
From closest range and we did despair,
Headers over the bar and shots flashed past the post
Because we're dedicated missers of chances.
They say beware the bouncing ball
And we all know Jim’s not that tall
Drops to their forward with no cover left
And he's a celebrated taker of chances.
So at the break we're one nil down
And frowning Smudge must turn it round,
Off with Millwall man and Grandad on
And we're literally PILING on the pressure.
Long pass out, great piece of skill
Graham has the ball bent to his will
Slammed across,Taj powers in
He's now a celebrated taker of chances.
Next from the right it's Stevie D
He scores this one but missed thirty three
Cracking touch at the near post
He's celebrating after missing so many chances.
But then two –one becomes two all
When Roy refuses to pass the ball
The Squire’s MOM but he prods it back
And he's created the tastiest of chances.
Now best of the lot to take the lead
Smudger’s wonderball is what we need
Spots Taj’s run from fifty yards
And Graham scores the finest of chances.
A 3-2 win: a ridiculous score
We should have notched so many more
We played pretty well, with Chris a giant at the back
But we're dedicated missers of chances
Yes, we're an inebriated bunch of chancers.
Early Season Win- But still ironing out the Kinks
We missed them here, we missed them there
At the far post and from passes square
Every time we had a shot we put it high or wide
Because we're dedicated missers of chances.
They fell to Tonks and Mick DVD
And most of all to Stevie D
Good build up play but not even Roy could hit the net
Because we're dedicated missers of chances.
Oh yes we are (oh yes we are) oh yes we are (oh yes we are).
We should have scored a lot of goals on Sunday
But the Charlton Rangers’ keeper was a wonder,
Yes,he's a celebrated saver of chances.
He saved them here, he saved them there
From closest range and we did despair,
Headers over the bar and shots flashed past the post
Because we're dedicated missers of chances.
They say beware the bouncing ball
And we all know Jim’s not that tall
Drops to their forward with no cover left
And he's a celebrated taker of chances.
So at the break we're one nil down
And frowning Smudge must turn it round,
Off with Millwall man and Grandad on
And we're literally PILING on the pressure.
Long pass out, great piece of skill
Graham has the ball bent to his will
Slammed across,Taj powers in
He's now a celebrated taker of chances.
Next from the right it's Stevie D
He scores this one but missed thirty three
Cracking touch at the near post
He's celebrating after missing so many chances.
But then two –one becomes two all
When Roy refuses to pass the ball
The Squire’s MOM but he prods it back
And he's created the tastiest of chances.
Now best of the lot to take the lead
Smudger’s wonderball is what we need
Spots Taj’s run from fifty yards
And Graham scores the finest of chances.
A 3-2 win: a ridiculous score
We should have notched so many more
We played pretty well, with Chris a giant at the back
But we're dedicated missers of chances
Yes, we're an inebriated bunch of chancers.
Match Report II by Paul Smith esq.
After having a squad of 16 for the opening fixture the Tamps began this game with the bare 11, this was bolstered by the late Arrival of Good Graham, who had been doubtful due to an ailment!! (could have been the, Chalfonts, Metrics or Farmers depends on your Cockney rhyming slang).
The Tamps totally dominated possession in the first 45 mins, the ball Being worked out from the back by Jim Cheese, DI Chris, Smudger and TVB, without any undue pressure on them, the midfield of Taj, Squire Smith DVD (now Palace Mick) and Stevie D, had total control of that area and were Knocking the ball about and stretching the Charlton defence at will, Tonksy filled In as the number 10 (as that was the number on his shirt) but seemed to Have trouble deciding what the role entailed, and Roymond lead the line!!. Tamps created and missed numerous chances either by blazing over the bar (S Doyle the main culprit) or by shooting straight at the keeper (their MOM) And as is the usual case, a hopeful lump was not dealt with by the Tamps Defence, and with their first shot Charlton were in front. The Tamps Continued to dominate and create chances without being able to put one away. The game had it’s lighter moments when Roymond and their keeper squared up to discuss whose handbag was the biggest, the situation calmed by the excellent Ref Aggro. So h/t and 0-1
The change of Tonksy for GG was made, and clear instructions were sent not to Use phrases like ‘Back Door’ or ‘ He’s up you’re a..e’ when playing the ball up to GG (his internal examination having left him in a dark place, much like the fingers Of the doctors). The second half continued much like the first, but with Tamps having even more possession, the equalizer came after excellent build up play down our left ending with GG crossing low and hard for Taj to slide home at the far post, we missed a few more chances before finally going in front, this time the ball was worked down the right, again ending up with GG, his cross flicked in at the near post by S.Doyle, now In total control it seemed like the floodgates would open, but again our finishing was Poor, thus keeping Charlton in the game, and duly they equalized, Roymond held onto the ball for a little too long (unlike him!) and then thought he was failed, ‘no’ says Aggro, ‘’he should have passed it earlier’’, the ball went to Squire Smith, whose backpass never made it and despite a desperate lunge by DI Chris Charlton made it 2-2. Tamps piled (sorry GG) on the pressure and won the match with the goal of the game, Smudger picked the ball up from the keeper and threaded a wonderful pass through to Taj, who without breaking stride drilled a hard and low cross to the far post where GG arrived at the far post to convert the chance, after that it was just a case of seeing the game out, which we did with ease.
A 3-2 win that could and should have been by an awful lot more, hopefully our squad Will be swelled by the return of a few players for next weeks local derby with Avery Hill.
A few pints and sandwiches after the game were enjoyed by all, the talk turned To old advertisements, and the question of was ‘A finger of fudge’ no longer GG’s
Fav (of course this did not happen, tis artistic license from the writer)
Team:
MTK
Jim Cheese
DI Chris
SMUDGER
TVB
Taj
Palace Mick
Squire Smith
S. Doyle
Tonksy
Roymond
Sub: GG
MOM: Squire Smith (even with the poor backpass)
After having a squad of 16 for the opening fixture the Tamps began this game with the bare 11, this was bolstered by the late Arrival of Good Graham, who had been doubtful due to an ailment!! (could have been the, Chalfonts, Metrics or Farmers depends on your Cockney rhyming slang).
The Tamps totally dominated possession in the first 45 mins, the ball Being worked out from the back by Jim Cheese, DI Chris, Smudger and TVB, without any undue pressure on them, the midfield of Taj, Squire Smith DVD (now Palace Mick) and Stevie D, had total control of that area and were Knocking the ball about and stretching the Charlton defence at will, Tonksy filled In as the number 10 (as that was the number on his shirt) but seemed to Have trouble deciding what the role entailed, and Roymond lead the line!!. Tamps created and missed numerous chances either by blazing over the bar (S Doyle the main culprit) or by shooting straight at the keeper (their MOM) And as is the usual case, a hopeful lump was not dealt with by the Tamps Defence, and with their first shot Charlton were in front. The Tamps Continued to dominate and create chances without being able to put one away. The game had it’s lighter moments when Roymond and their keeper squared up to discuss whose handbag was the biggest, the situation calmed by the excellent Ref Aggro. So h/t and 0-1
The change of Tonksy for GG was made, and clear instructions were sent not to Use phrases like ‘Back Door’ or ‘ He’s up you’re a..e’ when playing the ball up to GG (his internal examination having left him in a dark place, much like the fingers Of the doctors). The second half continued much like the first, but with Tamps having even more possession, the equalizer came after excellent build up play down our left ending with GG crossing low and hard for Taj to slide home at the far post, we missed a few more chances before finally going in front, this time the ball was worked down the right, again ending up with GG, his cross flicked in at the near post by S.Doyle, now In total control it seemed like the floodgates would open, but again our finishing was Poor, thus keeping Charlton in the game, and duly they equalized, Roymond held onto the ball for a little too long (unlike him!) and then thought he was failed, ‘no’ says Aggro, ‘’he should have passed it earlier’’, the ball went to Squire Smith, whose backpass never made it and despite a desperate lunge by DI Chris Charlton made it 2-2. Tamps piled (sorry GG) on the pressure and won the match with the goal of the game, Smudger picked the ball up from the keeper and threaded a wonderful pass through to Taj, who without breaking stride drilled a hard and low cross to the far post where GG arrived at the far post to convert the chance, after that it was just a case of seeing the game out, which we did with ease.
A 3-2 win that could and should have been by an awful lot more, hopefully our squad Will be swelled by the return of a few players for next weeks local derby with Avery Hill.
A few pints and sandwiches after the game were enjoyed by all, the talk turned To old advertisements, and the question of was ‘A finger of fudge’ no longer GG’s
Fav (of course this did not happen, tis artistic license from the writer)
Team:
MTK
Jim Cheese
DI Chris
SMUDGER
TVB
Taj
Palace Mick
Squire Smith
S. Doyle
Tonksy
Roymond
Sub: GG
MOM: Squire Smith (even with the poor backpass)
23/08/15
OTVFC 4 - 0 Crofton Albion
Scorers: S Doyle (2), Good Graham, Paul G
Team: James Podger, Jimmy Love, Chris Whittaker, Paul G, Mitch, Taj, Brian Tonks, Mick Smith, Stevie, Graham Good, Mark the Bike. Sub: Smudger, Royman
Match Report: Micky Smith
Ah, the start of a new season – and a warm welcome to Crofton Albion and the big pitch on a sunny Sunday morning.
Crofton started brightly with some dangerous breakaway attacks but their momentum started to drop after 20 minutes – too much drinking and not enough running during the close season.
Tamps passing game began to create a number of goal-scoring chances and eventually the first goal came through a well-taken corner by Good Graham, and headed in by Paul G. Much of the game was now spent in the Crofton half. A second goal followed from a Tonksy shot from outside the area which was heading into the bushes before Stevie deflected the ball into the net from the six yard line. The linesman’s flag stayed down and Aggro awarded the goal. A third goal came from another corner taken by Graham, and slotted in at the front post by Stevie who spotted the opportunity before the Crofton goalkeeper.
The match continued to be dominated by Tamps, despite some endeavour from Stuart, Glen, Red-haired John of Crofton Albion, but they couldn’t convert rare periods of possession into goal-scoring opportunities from the forwards to exploit.
Tamps fourth and final goal came from a pin-point free kick by Smudger from 40 metres which allowed Good Graham to drive into the top left-hand corner of the net from the edge of the area.
All in all, a well-deserved win. Glen rightly consoled his Crofton teammates after the match that three of the goals had come from set-pieces. Quite true – although there are generally quite a lot of set pieces in a game of football, Glen, so sort your defence out!
Match Report: Micky Smith
Ah, the start of a new season – and a warm welcome to Crofton Albion and the big pitch on a sunny Sunday morning.
Crofton started brightly with some dangerous breakaway attacks but their momentum started to drop after 20 minutes – too much drinking and not enough running during the close season.
Tamps passing game began to create a number of goal-scoring chances and eventually the first goal came through a well-taken corner by Good Graham, and headed in by Paul G. Much of the game was now spent in the Crofton half. A second goal followed from a Tonksy shot from outside the area which was heading into the bushes before Stevie deflected the ball into the net from the six yard line. The linesman’s flag stayed down and Aggro awarded the goal. A third goal came from another corner taken by Graham, and slotted in at the front post by Stevie who spotted the opportunity before the Crofton goalkeeper.
The match continued to be dominated by Tamps, despite some endeavour from Stuart, Glen, Red-haired John of Crofton Albion, but they couldn’t convert rare periods of possession into goal-scoring opportunities from the forwards to exploit.
Tamps fourth and final goal came from a pin-point free kick by Smudger from 40 metres which allowed Good Graham to drive into the top left-hand corner of the net from the edge of the area.
All in all, a well-deserved win. Glen rightly consoled his Crofton teammates after the match that three of the goals had come from set-pieces. Quite true – although there are generally quite a lot of set pieces in a game of football, Glen, so sort your defence out!
20/09/15
OTVFC 1 - 3 Charter Diamond (Match Report: Smudger)
Scorer: Smudge
For the second week the Tamps came up against a side that were a good deal younger
than us, and again with the bare 11 players.
The game started with CD having most of the possession, and the better of the attacking moments, just as the Tamps were settling down and beginning to mount their own attacks CD went ahead, a corner was not dealt with particularly well and the ball dropped to a CD defender who hit a low shot from 8 yards which just evaded the outstretched leg of Mitch on the line (granted a Mitch leg is not the longest) and nestled in the back of the net 0-1, and CD deserved to be in front. Then came the incident that left a bit of a black mark on the game, DI Chris was striding out of defence with the ball, in a supervets game you would have the time to do this, but, not when a 30 something is closing the ball down, the tackle (which didnt need to be made) was late and DI Chris took the full force on his ankle, a few choice words left the mouth of the normally mild mannered centre back, all of which I fully concured with, it came to light once Podge jr had pointed it out to one of the oppo, (also a works colleague) that this was a supervets game not a vets fixture and that tackles like that were not part of a normal supervets game. After this the physical approach of CD dropped a level, but with DI Chris struggling, and no subs it was only about to get harder for the Tamps. Right on half time a huge punt from the CD keeper (also only about 30) was lobbed over the advancing MTK by the CD's muscle bound centre forward, so h/t and 0-2.
At half time a tactical switch of Smudge to the left side of midfield and Palace Mick into the centre was the only change (with no subs this managing lark is easy!!) It seemed to pay dividends, as the Tamps had more width and more possession, we were now playing some decent footy, and had a firm foothold in the game, the next goal was important, unfortunately it went to CD, a lot of the Tamps stopped thinking the 20 year old brought on by CD at h/t had committed a foul throw, ref Aggro ignored our pleas and suddenly we were outnumbered at the back and conceded a third goal, despite our protests Aggro let the goal stand. We were now playing for pride and produced some good footy which with a bit of luck would have led to goals, we did get one back when a move down the right ended with the ball arriving with Smudger 18 yards out and on the left hand corner of the box, he proceeded to bend the ball into the top right hand corner with pace and power (it's true!), we tried hard for a second but just fell short.
So another defeat, 1-3 at full time, but the last two games should really have been games for our young vets considering the age of the oppo. We now move onto Erith Vets a fixture where the age gap is not so big and hopefully a game when we will have more than 11 to choose from.
Team: MTK TVB DI Chris Podge jr Mitch Taj Squire Smith Smudger Jon Palace Mick MTB Is it all down to our new kit??
The game started with CD having most of the possession, and the better of the attacking moments, just as the Tamps were settling down and beginning to mount their own attacks CD went ahead, a corner was not dealt with particularly well and the ball dropped to a CD defender who hit a low shot from 8 yards which just evaded the outstretched leg of Mitch on the line (granted a Mitch leg is not the longest) and nestled in the back of the net 0-1, and CD deserved to be in front. Then came the incident that left a bit of a black mark on the game, DI Chris was striding out of defence with the ball, in a supervets game you would have the time to do this, but, not when a 30 something is closing the ball down, the tackle (which didnt need to be made) was late and DI Chris took the full force on his ankle, a few choice words left the mouth of the normally mild mannered centre back, all of which I fully concured with, it came to light once Podge jr had pointed it out to one of the oppo, (also a works colleague) that this was a supervets game not a vets fixture and that tackles like that were not part of a normal supervets game. After this the physical approach of CD dropped a level, but with DI Chris struggling, and no subs it was only about to get harder for the Tamps. Right on half time a huge punt from the CD keeper (also only about 30) was lobbed over the advancing MTK by the CD's muscle bound centre forward, so h/t and 0-2.
At half time a tactical switch of Smudge to the left side of midfield and Palace Mick into the centre was the only change (with no subs this managing lark is easy!!) It seemed to pay dividends, as the Tamps had more width and more possession, we were now playing some decent footy, and had a firm foothold in the game, the next goal was important, unfortunately it went to CD, a lot of the Tamps stopped thinking the 20 year old brought on by CD at h/t had committed a foul throw, ref Aggro ignored our pleas and suddenly we were outnumbered at the back and conceded a third goal, despite our protests Aggro let the goal stand. We were now playing for pride and produced some good footy which with a bit of luck would have led to goals, we did get one back when a move down the right ended with the ball arriving with Smudger 18 yards out and on the left hand corner of the box, he proceeded to bend the ball into the top right hand corner with pace and power (it's true!), we tried hard for a second but just fell short.
So another defeat, 1-3 at full time, but the last two games should really have been games for our young vets considering the age of the oppo. We now move onto Erith Vets a fixture where the age gap is not so big and hopefully a game when we will have more than 11 to choose from.
Team: MTK TVB DI Chris Podge jr Mitch Taj Squire Smith Smudger Jon Palace Mick MTB Is it all down to our new kit??
O27/09/2015
OTVFC 5 - 2 ERITH (Match Report: Steve Rogers)
Scorers: Good Graham, og, Steve Doyle, Micky DVD, DJ Clive
A perfect Sunday morning for the Tamps after a couple of defeats. Beautiful September weather, a carpet of a pitch and obliging opposition provided by Erith. The Tamps emerged from the dressing room looking absolutely fabulous in our new Black and Magenta kit. A full 14 man squad had Chancellor Roy rubbing his hands together at the fiscal benefits to his end of season holiday.
The scoring was opened by Guinness Graham stumbling across the pitch in the the manner of a drunk who been out celebrating the rugby until 3am. As Erith looked to ensure no women or children were in his path Graham correctly guessed which of the balls he saw in front of him to connect with and his shot from the edge of the area nestled into the corner of the net. 1- 0 but not for long. As Erith mounted an attack the Tamps defence meekly retreated and not to be outdone Mark the Goalie stayed resolutely to his line- a bobble,a ricochet later it was 1-1.
Tamps continued to play neat football but a little slow and narrow. Finally the ball was played out wide to Lord Smith resplendent in his Cerise and Onyx. A delicious cross was watched with much admiration by our forward line who had retreated to the edge of the area to appreciate its true beauty. Appreciating the artistry involved an Erith defender seized on the opportunity and finished the move with aplomb volleying into his own net.
On the cusp of half-time Steve Doyle was released down the left, raced away and finished from an acute angle. Cue loud protests from Erith pointing to a raised offside flag. During the protests Captain Smudge approached the Thespian referee to enquire about the possibility of acquiring tickets for his upcoming concert. Result goal awarded, 3-1 at half-time and Doyles Mezzanine floors ( flawless floors) are proud to sponsor ' a night with Sinatra' on the 20th November.
In the second half Tamps played with more purpose and began to keep the ball better and use the width of the immaculate pitch and opportunities were created. However the goal was to come at the other end with the Tamps defence deciding defending a corner was beneath them ( or in this case above them) and with the ball bobbling around it was forced home for 3-2. With space and time becoming ever more available two of the gentlemen of our midfield Millwall Brian and the artist formerly known as Micky DVD then met in the middle of the pitch for a quick chat and after a handshake and a cheery cry of 'after you ol boy' it was left to Mick to despatch the ball into the net from 25 yards. Then came the ghost goal as the formidable figure of baby Podge strode forward in his Charcoal and Puce and unleashed a shot from distance before wheeling away to celebrate with his legion of adoring fans ( Ainsley and big Podge!) Unfortunately for ' baby' the rules of association football insist on the ball passing through the posts and as the ball crashed back off the woodwork the celebrations were cut short and 'baby' shamefacedly shuffled back to his position.
The finishing touch was left to DJ Clive (back after a years loan at our feeder club Avery Hill) to neatly control and hit home the 5th from 6 yards.
So 5-2 an excellent performance,an excellent result and our thanks to our hosts Erith- always a good game,always played competitively and in the right spirit and we get to do it all over again in three weeks.
Soon after the game the talk turned to how much the absence of Jimmy Cheese was affecting the team and it was quickly decided that the club would never have run out of bitter if he'd been around! The mood darkened slightly further when Chancellor Roy announced that in future as part of his 'austerity' drive ( that and flights to the Maldives were more expensive than he thought) he would be levying a 20% tax on the beer kitty.
The afternoon ended with Chalfont Graham explaining how difficult he was finding it to come to terms with his life as a single man.
Thanks to our supporters - Ains, Big Podge and Baby,Baby Podge
The scoring was opened by Guinness Graham stumbling across the pitch in the the manner of a drunk who been out celebrating the rugby until 3am. As Erith looked to ensure no women or children were in his path Graham correctly guessed which of the balls he saw in front of him to connect with and his shot from the edge of the area nestled into the corner of the net. 1- 0 but not for long. As Erith mounted an attack the Tamps defence meekly retreated and not to be outdone Mark the Goalie stayed resolutely to his line- a bobble,a ricochet later it was 1-1.
Tamps continued to play neat football but a little slow and narrow. Finally the ball was played out wide to Lord Smith resplendent in his Cerise and Onyx. A delicious cross was watched with much admiration by our forward line who had retreated to the edge of the area to appreciate its true beauty. Appreciating the artistry involved an Erith defender seized on the opportunity and finished the move with aplomb volleying into his own net.
On the cusp of half-time Steve Doyle was released down the left, raced away and finished from an acute angle. Cue loud protests from Erith pointing to a raised offside flag. During the protests Captain Smudge approached the Thespian referee to enquire about the possibility of acquiring tickets for his upcoming concert. Result goal awarded, 3-1 at half-time and Doyles Mezzanine floors ( flawless floors) are proud to sponsor ' a night with Sinatra' on the 20th November.
In the second half Tamps played with more purpose and began to keep the ball better and use the width of the immaculate pitch and opportunities were created. However the goal was to come at the other end with the Tamps defence deciding defending a corner was beneath them ( or in this case above them) and with the ball bobbling around it was forced home for 3-2. With space and time becoming ever more available two of the gentlemen of our midfield Millwall Brian and the artist formerly known as Micky DVD then met in the middle of the pitch for a quick chat and after a handshake and a cheery cry of 'after you ol boy' it was left to Mick to despatch the ball into the net from 25 yards. Then came the ghost goal as the formidable figure of baby Podge strode forward in his Charcoal and Puce and unleashed a shot from distance before wheeling away to celebrate with his legion of adoring fans ( Ainsley and big Podge!) Unfortunately for ' baby' the rules of association football insist on the ball passing through the posts and as the ball crashed back off the woodwork the celebrations were cut short and 'baby' shamefacedly shuffled back to his position.
The finishing touch was left to DJ Clive (back after a years loan at our feeder club Avery Hill) to neatly control and hit home the 5th from 6 yards.
So 5-2 an excellent performance,an excellent result and our thanks to our hosts Erith- always a good game,always played competitively and in the right spirit and we get to do it all over again in three weeks.
Soon after the game the talk turned to how much the absence of Jimmy Cheese was affecting the team and it was quickly decided that the club would never have run out of bitter if he'd been around! The mood darkened slightly further when Chancellor Roy announced that in future as part of his 'austerity' drive ( that and flights to the Maldives were more expensive than he thought) he would be levying a 20% tax on the beer kitty.
The afternoon ended with Chalfont Graham explaining how difficult he was finding it to come to terms with his life as a single man.
Thanks to our supporters - Ains, Big Podge and Baby,Baby Podge
11/10/2015
OTVFC 0 - 1 Avery Hill (Match report: Chris Whitaker)
The signs were good, weather and pitch perfect for a good game of football, the team mostly assembled in good time ( except for the odd late arrival namely G.G looking a little hungover), in our normal blue and white strip( some players still sporting the pink socks !), the usual good hearted banter between ourselves and Avery mainly centred around Tamps giving up on passing game and deciding to go long ball ( a slight on our oppositions usual style against us).
I being cruelly sidelined by a outrageous tackle from behind from 3 weeks ago and even though it was my wife's birthday still turned up figuring on being the linesman, but Smudger came up to me before kick off and said he wanted me to be manager and to sub players at 20 mins in ( he did give me his suggestions for said subs), the power went to my head and despatched Steve R to linesman duties.
The Tamps did not start that well , the midfield which is normal a purring engine of precise passing was more like a clapped out out banger ready for the scrap heap, it was not just the midfield all over the park we were poor with even Paul G not quite as commanding as his normal self, this led to Avery's goal not exactly beautifully crafted but somehow they managed to work a position wide left of our 18 yrd box the player tried to drill a low shot goal-wards but it lacked both pace and direction and ended up being an incisive well disguised pass to their forward near to our 6 yrd box who then it slotted home. I switched Taj from right back to his usual right midfield position with the Squire slotting into right back ( no sub just an astute tactical observation by me), Smudger gave me a look which smouldered of what the hell are you doing which I ignored. GG started to sober up a little a started to have more involvement in the game, I managed to nag John into staying closer to their No.8 who was controlling most things and the contest became a little more even but the only shot of note was from GG which even though well struck and fizzed along the surface was never going to trouble Avery's YOUNG ( sorry Daves had to have a dig) goalie. 20 mins up subs need to be deployed, MTB on for GG with instructions to work their back line do not drop into midfield ( good manager talk !) Palace Mick(formerly DVD) on for Tonks ( a like for like swap), Avery had a couple of efforts with one being cleared off the line I think by Paul.G ( not sure as distracted by Podge turning up his his lovely dog which needed to be fussed over).
Half time arrived, time for the manager to work some magic ! Asked for volunteers to come off which TVB immediately did for Steve.R to come on at left back and Tim to take on the linesmans duties, sent them out for second half and Tamps started to have more of the game and we managed to string together some passes and moves increasingly pressurising the Avery Hill defence which is always stubborn and well organised,time for next round of subs, not really sure who I subbed for who but GG was back on and John off, we had a shout for a penalty ( MTB assaulted in the box), Taj found the net after excellent work by GG on left wing but disallowed for offside, I queried the honesty of Cookie their linesman and Tim quickly assured me that Cookie would not cheat.
Steve.R not just a defender surged forward making it into the opposition's half , options left and right but decided he would thump the ball at Dave's backside, with the input and guidance of Sir Alex Ferguson ( sorry I mean Roy) he made a convincing argument to take Clive off, push GG up front and to bring John back on at left midfield to push for the equaliser, it did not work it remained a one nil defeat to our arch rivals and my one and ONLY venture into management over.
To finish my day off nicely when returning to my car which was parked with rear facing the show pitch found a huge dent on the boot lid the size of a football which is going to cost me me in excess of £400 to get put right.
Team MTG, Taj, Smudger, Paul.G, TVB, Squire Smith, Tonks, John, Steve.D,Clive,GG.
Subs Steve.R, Palace Mick, MTB
I being cruelly sidelined by a outrageous tackle from behind from 3 weeks ago and even though it was my wife's birthday still turned up figuring on being the linesman, but Smudger came up to me before kick off and said he wanted me to be manager and to sub players at 20 mins in ( he did give me his suggestions for said subs), the power went to my head and despatched Steve R to linesman duties.
The Tamps did not start that well , the midfield which is normal a purring engine of precise passing was more like a clapped out out banger ready for the scrap heap, it was not just the midfield all over the park we were poor with even Paul G not quite as commanding as his normal self, this led to Avery's goal not exactly beautifully crafted but somehow they managed to work a position wide left of our 18 yrd box the player tried to drill a low shot goal-wards but it lacked both pace and direction and ended up being an incisive well disguised pass to their forward near to our 6 yrd box who then it slotted home. I switched Taj from right back to his usual right midfield position with the Squire slotting into right back ( no sub just an astute tactical observation by me), Smudger gave me a look which smouldered of what the hell are you doing which I ignored. GG started to sober up a little a started to have more involvement in the game, I managed to nag John into staying closer to their No.8 who was controlling most things and the contest became a little more even but the only shot of note was from GG which even though well struck and fizzed along the surface was never going to trouble Avery's YOUNG ( sorry Daves had to have a dig) goalie. 20 mins up subs need to be deployed, MTB on for GG with instructions to work their back line do not drop into midfield ( good manager talk !) Palace Mick(formerly DVD) on for Tonks ( a like for like swap), Avery had a couple of efforts with one being cleared off the line I think by Paul.G ( not sure as distracted by Podge turning up his his lovely dog which needed to be fussed over).
Half time arrived, time for the manager to work some magic ! Asked for volunteers to come off which TVB immediately did for Steve.R to come on at left back and Tim to take on the linesmans duties, sent them out for second half and Tamps started to have more of the game and we managed to string together some passes and moves increasingly pressurising the Avery Hill defence which is always stubborn and well organised,time for next round of subs, not really sure who I subbed for who but GG was back on and John off, we had a shout for a penalty ( MTB assaulted in the box), Taj found the net after excellent work by GG on left wing but disallowed for offside, I queried the honesty of Cookie their linesman and Tim quickly assured me that Cookie would not cheat.
Steve.R not just a defender surged forward making it into the opposition's half , options left and right but decided he would thump the ball at Dave's backside, with the input and guidance of Sir Alex Ferguson ( sorry I mean Roy) he made a convincing argument to take Clive off, push GG up front and to bring John back on at left midfield to push for the equaliser, it did not work it remained a one nil defeat to our arch rivals and my one and ONLY venture into management over.
To finish my day off nicely when returning to my car which was parked with rear facing the show pitch found a huge dent on the boot lid the size of a football which is going to cost me me in excess of £400 to get put right.
Team MTG, Taj, Smudger, Paul.G, TVB, Squire Smith, Tonks, John, Steve.D,Clive,GG.
Subs Steve.R, Palace Mick, MTB
22/11/2015
OTVFC 3 - 0 West Farleigh (Match report: Tim Davies)
Scorers: Clive 2, Podge
Tamps triumph in Europe
There were some notable absentees: Jim at work, Mark the Bike injured, Palace Michael, perhaps taking Foreign Office guidance too seriously and not travelling abroad or south of the Medway. Roy was also missing. Most intriguingly, Smudge, perhaps on a high from storming Liverpool and Northampton Saints victories, was temporarily refusing to associate with an outfit that had conceded 12 goals in two woeful second half performances in the previous fixtures. (No Chris, it was just a coincidence…………).
However, we welcomed back Baby Podge, his 50 hours community service now fully served, Podge Senior- for the first time since August ( and with a flattering picture of Steve Rogers at the Sinatra evening too) and, after a year out , Scholesy who slept overnight in the Football Hut car park so eager was he to play.
After coffees and, for some reason, discussion about age appropriate relationships ( half your age plus 7 everybody!!) and led sedately by the Club Sponsor in his company lawnmower we enjoyed the journey to West Farleigh; yes, breaking from domestic competition we were in Europe!
As he carries even more padding than Smudge TVB assumed leadership responsibility and boldly saved Podge and himself for first change. Brothers John and Taj were to lock up the right flank and surge forward at every opportunity but the big news was Scholesy back up front- yet another strike partner for the evergreen Clive.
A beautiful setting and a bright and crisp, blue- skied late Autumnal morning but a heavy hillside pitch where the slope would have impact. Fortunately the Gaffer’s underprepared home quagmires readied us well for the uneven and very well grassed surface.
A cagey opening saw both sides seeking to play some reasonable football, occasionally succeeding whilst also making mistakes. Baby, who , otherwise was to lead the defence so well, was lost in his surroundings,perhaps assessing where he’d set the traps for best lines of fire in the adjacent fields and ignored both the ball and the onrushing forward. Whoops!! Fortunately and not for the last time West Farleigh created but wasted a threatening position. We too fashioned some promising opportunities, with Tonksy and the Squire (despite the latter being slightly distracted by the country pile visible across the valley) controlling the centre of the park, Clive and Scholesy working well and Graham- when he wasn't passing the ball directly out of play- intelligently compensating for Stevie D’s exciting interpretation of the left back role, we were gradually getting on top. John and Taj were seeing a lot of the ball and often used it with purpose.
The crowd had grown in number ( and one of them was not a dog walker) when Clive broke the deadlock, drilling the ball into the net with complete assurance as it dropped to him near the penalty spot. A competitive , enjoyable first half ended 0-1 and although there had been good chances at both ends the two keepers had been equal to what came there way.
Playing into the sun – which had no effect on Podge who won every middle of the pitch header- the Tamps began to dominate. Taj, Chris and especially Baby generally had the measure of a pacy ( and strawberry blonde) attack and even TVB, perhaps unexpectedly , found himself in position to make a couple of moderately important interventions. Mark was well protected and on the occasion that the 10 broke behind the defence his excellent positioning led to a tame effort from the otherwise strong West Farleigh forward.
A very good team performance deserved reward and the goals duly came. Clives’s second strike , ‘a paintbrush stroke’ ( copyright Jamie Redknapp) was emphatic. Only the linesman’s flag denied a hat- trick : Taj won the ball in our six yard box and initiated the flowing move that saw it sent first left and then through the midfield to the right side where, after further neat interplay a telling cross – possibly by Scholesy, given his subsequent ungentlemanly protests against the offside,- gave Clive his chance and he rose well to bury the header, again giving the keeper no chance. It could have been goal of the season but sadly it was chalked off.
The decisive third was crashed home by Podge from another flowing move out of defence after Chris had again broken up the opposition attack. It again followed from some slick midfield play and good use of space, Tamps passing the ball on until Podge had the time and position to hit a thunderous effort into the roof of the net. Better finishing did not alone account for the result but it did account for the scoreline: it was a thoroughly competitive fixture and West Farleigh pushed more into attack as the game went on giving us plenty to do in our half.
There were several MOM contenders: Baby could have been a shoe in but he failed to show any guile ( or indeed guilt) when taking out their forward off the ball when he was, otherwise, clean through; Clive held the ball up well and scored efficiently but is passed over following charges of jug avoidance; Scholesy was tireless ( and a little tiresome, shamelessly angling for the last 5 minutes when he was subbed for the last quarter. He needs further rehab in David Lloyd’s particularly when those young female dominated body pump classes are on!); Mark kept a clean sheet and that should be good enough but very few- if any- testing saves were required Podge was excellent throughout- and played through the pain but he can't just come straight back in for his first game of the regular season and take the prize. No MOM was Millwall man strong in all areas he also adds to the Tampon lexicon: henceforth “Doing a Tonksy” will cover those clutch bag waving moments when aggressive emotion sees the mascara run and a little fur fly. Yes, for winning the spat with Deano Tonksy, you are the MOM.
A very good game, well refereed, against good and thoroughly hospitable opposition. We enjoyed the Good Intent, the Silver Otter and a good spread- we hope we can host West Farleigh soon: a second fixture would be very welcome.
This was an excellent Tamps team performance- full commitment- as well as good humour- from all and strong mutual support- we even tolerated Stevie D’s enterprising “shots” from distance. After a couple of disappointing games there was spring in the collective step. Excellent stuff team –
well done!!!
West Farleigh 0 Tamps 3
Scores : Clive 2. Podge
Team : Mark
Taj, Chris, Baby, Stevie D.
John, Tonksy, The Squire, Graham
Clive, Scholesy
Subs : Podge, TVB
Subbed : Tonksy and Stevie; Graham and the Squire; Scholesy and John.
There were some notable absentees: Jim at work, Mark the Bike injured, Palace Michael, perhaps taking Foreign Office guidance too seriously and not travelling abroad or south of the Medway. Roy was also missing. Most intriguingly, Smudge, perhaps on a high from storming Liverpool and Northampton Saints victories, was temporarily refusing to associate with an outfit that had conceded 12 goals in two woeful second half performances in the previous fixtures. (No Chris, it was just a coincidence…………).
However, we welcomed back Baby Podge, his 50 hours community service now fully served, Podge Senior- for the first time since August ( and with a flattering picture of Steve Rogers at the Sinatra evening too) and, after a year out , Scholesy who slept overnight in the Football Hut car park so eager was he to play.
After coffees and, for some reason, discussion about age appropriate relationships ( half your age plus 7 everybody!!) and led sedately by the Club Sponsor in his company lawnmower we enjoyed the journey to West Farleigh; yes, breaking from domestic competition we were in Europe!
As he carries even more padding than Smudge TVB assumed leadership responsibility and boldly saved Podge and himself for first change. Brothers John and Taj were to lock up the right flank and surge forward at every opportunity but the big news was Scholesy back up front- yet another strike partner for the evergreen Clive.
A beautiful setting and a bright and crisp, blue- skied late Autumnal morning but a heavy hillside pitch where the slope would have impact. Fortunately the Gaffer’s underprepared home quagmires readied us well for the uneven and very well grassed surface.
A cagey opening saw both sides seeking to play some reasonable football, occasionally succeeding whilst also making mistakes. Baby, who , otherwise was to lead the defence so well, was lost in his surroundings,perhaps assessing where he’d set the traps for best lines of fire in the adjacent fields and ignored both the ball and the onrushing forward. Whoops!! Fortunately and not for the last time West Farleigh created but wasted a threatening position. We too fashioned some promising opportunities, with Tonksy and the Squire (despite the latter being slightly distracted by the country pile visible across the valley) controlling the centre of the park, Clive and Scholesy working well and Graham- when he wasn't passing the ball directly out of play- intelligently compensating for Stevie D’s exciting interpretation of the left back role, we were gradually getting on top. John and Taj were seeing a lot of the ball and often used it with purpose.
The crowd had grown in number ( and one of them was not a dog walker) when Clive broke the deadlock, drilling the ball into the net with complete assurance as it dropped to him near the penalty spot. A competitive , enjoyable first half ended 0-1 and although there had been good chances at both ends the two keepers had been equal to what came there way.
Playing into the sun – which had no effect on Podge who won every middle of the pitch header- the Tamps began to dominate. Taj, Chris and especially Baby generally had the measure of a pacy ( and strawberry blonde) attack and even TVB, perhaps unexpectedly , found himself in position to make a couple of moderately important interventions. Mark was well protected and on the occasion that the 10 broke behind the defence his excellent positioning led to a tame effort from the otherwise strong West Farleigh forward.
A very good team performance deserved reward and the goals duly came. Clives’s second strike , ‘a paintbrush stroke’ ( copyright Jamie Redknapp) was emphatic. Only the linesman’s flag denied a hat- trick : Taj won the ball in our six yard box and initiated the flowing move that saw it sent first left and then through the midfield to the right side where, after further neat interplay a telling cross – possibly by Scholesy, given his subsequent ungentlemanly protests against the offside,- gave Clive his chance and he rose well to bury the header, again giving the keeper no chance. It could have been goal of the season but sadly it was chalked off.
The decisive third was crashed home by Podge from another flowing move out of defence after Chris had again broken up the opposition attack. It again followed from some slick midfield play and good use of space, Tamps passing the ball on until Podge had the time and position to hit a thunderous effort into the roof of the net. Better finishing did not alone account for the result but it did account for the scoreline: it was a thoroughly competitive fixture and West Farleigh pushed more into attack as the game went on giving us plenty to do in our half.
There were several MOM contenders: Baby could have been a shoe in but he failed to show any guile ( or indeed guilt) when taking out their forward off the ball when he was, otherwise, clean through; Clive held the ball up well and scored efficiently but is passed over following charges of jug avoidance; Scholesy was tireless ( and a little tiresome, shamelessly angling for the last 5 minutes when he was subbed for the last quarter. He needs further rehab in David Lloyd’s particularly when those young female dominated body pump classes are on!); Mark kept a clean sheet and that should be good enough but very few- if any- testing saves were required Podge was excellent throughout- and played through the pain but he can't just come straight back in for his first game of the regular season and take the prize. No MOM was Millwall man strong in all areas he also adds to the Tampon lexicon: henceforth “Doing a Tonksy” will cover those clutch bag waving moments when aggressive emotion sees the mascara run and a little fur fly. Yes, for winning the spat with Deano Tonksy, you are the MOM.
A very good game, well refereed, against good and thoroughly hospitable opposition. We enjoyed the Good Intent, the Silver Otter and a good spread- we hope we can host West Farleigh soon: a second fixture would be very welcome.
This was an excellent Tamps team performance- full commitment- as well as good humour- from all and strong mutual support- we even tolerated Stevie D’s enterprising “shots” from distance. After a couple of disappointing games there was spring in the collective step. Excellent stuff team –
well done!!!
West Farleigh 0 Tamps 3
Scores : Clive 2. Podge
Team : Mark
Taj, Chris, Baby, Stevie D.
John, Tonksy, The Squire, Graham
Clive, Scholesy
Subs : Podge, TVB
Subbed : Tonksy and Stevie; Graham and the Squire; Scholesy and John.
